Journey to Neverland

WIshing starts with the heart.

2009-11-25T20:53:00.002-05:00

I made a lot of wishes when I decided to come to Disney. I wished for a good job, a community, a community of Christians, happiness, and love. I never wished for wealth or for sad miserable days.
I am happy to report that I have not gotten the things I did not wish for.

I am even happier to report that I have gotten a lot of wishes. Which is why I always cry whenever I watch the Wishes Fireworks Display at the Magic Kingdom. It means a little more to me than most people. I have a wonderful job in the Magic Kingdom. I get to meet people from around the world and spread Pixie Dust and make dreams come true. I have recently been invited to help with some special projects! Which is good for me because I want to get into management and such down here.
I have been meeting and working my way into a community of Christians through the Campus Crusade WDW team. Special thanks to Kevin and friends for helping me find a good church that works with my work schedule.
I am making new friends and forming my own community.
I am happy beyond my wildest dreams, with the exception of being super far away from my family and some of my most important friends.
And finally, I am able to say that I have found a relationship with someone who could easily be my best friend. How David and I went 11 years living side by side to each other and never meeting is somewhat amazing. We are from the same hometown, he went to High School with my cousin, and lived 5 min down the road. Yet, we never met until Oct 2009 and through a friend of my Dad's. Shocking, I know. David is a creative, like me. He has the most amazing job as a cook and LOVES food and being creative. He loves the outdoors and just relaxing. We have done so many things together like cook dinner, rock climbing, hiking, and sharing in the lives of each other. I don't want to jinx anything. David is more than I could ever ask for and for the first time he sees me for exactly who I am. It is a brand new concept to me. We hit it off right away and I never had to be anything but myself. David sought me out, asking me to dinner and a movie, something no other guy has ever done for me. If something is wrong he can sense it even in a text message. He finds a way to make it better. We both agree that this is weird, how it all happened. But I think there is a reason for this and even if our relationship doesn't make it to a bigger stage we know that we have found an amazing friend in each other.

I had to share this with you because I had to share it with someone. David knows because I am extremely scared at how natural life feels with him. It is possible that you could spend your whole life a few miles from a person and never connect with them until you are both thousands of miles away from home? Is it possible that this connection could be something more valuable than a simple friendship? The Lord works in mysterious ways. In all honesty, I know that God's hand is on this and I'm not even sure how I know. It's like I can feel it or something.

So here's to a Happily Ever After.... or at least a Once Upon A Dream.

That dream I was chasing...

2009-09-27T17:26:00.002-05:00

Well I'm here trying to find it. It's hard. I have a LOT to learn. It's hard because I am living in a part of town where it's mostly vacationers. That's not bad, except it makes it hard to find a group of people to hang out with. I have recently started to walk around my apartment complex and hang out in the club room just to meet people.

Anyways, I got Part Time with Disney. I am working on Full Time and a more important role like management or entertainment or something! I would love to work the shows or in broadcast production here at the parks. It would be awesome to work on a movie or tv show but I don't think that life is for me. However, if the opportunity arrives I won't knock it until I try it.

Alright, I'm out for now. I'm gonna go find a good movie or reread the Twilight series. Who knows.

Chasing Dreams

2009-07-20T21:41:00.002-05:00

So I am working on chasing a dream and let me tell you, it's not easy.
The first half of the summer I spent sending out resumes to companies and after not hearing back from just about all of them, I guess I got discouraged. The only company that seemed to do anything with me was Disney.
I finally got notification that I am now considered seasonal at WDW. I am really excited about this. I even went and found a roommate and a possible apartment. I want to move down there so I can attend the leadership sessions and everything that they have. I really want to go somewhere with them because I love the Company. I had a great experience with it. I also love doing things for other people and this is the PERFECT way to do something that I love!

My dad and I got into a screaming match tonight because he doesn't think I am trying to find a job. And while I am not trying very hard, I am still trying. But I am not him. I don't want to be a workaholic and not spend time with my family or the people that I love. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my dad, but he just pushes the wrong buttons. I know he loves me and wants to succeed and wants me to live comfortably. I just want to do all of that on my terms and my time. I know I will have to pay for insurance and medicines and all that, but I can do it. I'll find a way to do it. That's just the kind of person I am. I just can't do what I want to do living with my parents, working in a diner, or even living in PA. I mean really, I would have to either go to Cali to pursue camera work or NYC (as much as I love that place I could never live there) to find something. I don't know. I just need to be where my creative soul can flourish. I love being creative but I feel so restricted here. I need more. As much as I LOVE this place and I hate to leave it (hence my hesitation to follow my dream), I know I have to do it. It's really really really scary. Not to mention really really really hard. I get emotional thinking about it. But I'm growing up and my family will always be here.

Do here's to chasing dreams. It's going to be rough, but I'll do it! I need to do it and most importantly, I WANT to do it.

View From the Stage

2009-06-29T21:46:00.006-05:00

I FINALLY Met Blake B!! You rock Blake!

So this past Friday I saw Spring Awakening from the stage seats. It was good, but it was flat. My apologies for having to say this, cast if you are reading this sorry, but it was really flat but it could have been the fact that I was on stage. Even though I enjoyed the unique view and interaction of the cast with the members of the stage audience, I got more from the show in my third tear Balcony seats on Wednesday then I did when I saw it on stage. I was really excited because I thought some of the high energy numbers would totally rock from the on stage but it just didn't feel that way.

ENOUGH! With the negatives. Onto the unique perspective. The cast did an amazing job watching each other for cues as well as making eye contact with the stage audience. It was allllll personal now. Our seats just happened to be the ones against the wall the scale a few times in the show. That made for an interesting few scenes. Hanschen scaled it and so did Melchior. It was fun though. I think the thing that I am most appreciative of with my stage seats was the music and the voices. The strings in this show are so beautiful and often used as undertones while the heavier guitars and drums are played over. However, we were sitting right in front of the strings and it was the most beautiful sound I have heard in a long time. The haunting sounds of the boys singing background in 'Touch Me' was beautiful and sent chills down my spine as they were singing in my ear. And the story, while many dispute that it is old and everyone goes through these things this is not different, it is amazingly beautiful and awakening. I think it's a timeless tale that needs to be told and needs to be seen by adults today. *I wrote all of this in my 15 page research paper for my final theatre credits for my minor.*

So there are my thoughts. Send your questions and I'll answer them. I will leave you with some pics from the cast that were so kind to sign our playbills, answer our questions, and take pictures with us post show. BTW Spring Awakening Tour cast you win for the most cast members coming out after a show. I don't think in all the Broadway Stage Doors I have stood at, there has been a turn out like yours. You guys rock and were fantastic! I appreciate all the hard work you all have done and great job to Jake as Melchior, I know you have been going through tons of rehearsals but you were great.
Thanks all!

Steffi D was an amazing Ilse!

Jake Epstine was awesome as Melchior!

"And all shall know the wonder..of purple summer."

2009-06-26T11:25:00.003-05:00

Upon a recent and amazing trip into Philly to see Spring Awakening the Musical with two fabulous ladies the question arose: Why end the show with Song of Purple Summer?" Now We are talking to people who have seen the show 3-4 times. This was my second time and tonight on stage will be my third. However, I think Wednesday night was the first time I actually understood why Sater and Shiek end the show with Song of Purple Summer. Part of it has to do with Ilse's monologue before the song and part of it has to do with the quote that follows by Steven Sater.

"Then, perhaps there is something in the nature of song itself that opens the door to story—that admits us to the heart of the singer—as if every song tells of a sort of unacknowledged "I want." For what we sing is what is unspoken, what is hidden. The "real story."" ~Steven Sater TCG article found here http://www.tcg.org/publications/at/julyaugust07/spring.cfm

Ilse's Monologue: Listen to what's in the heart of a child. A song so big in one so small. Soon You will hear where beauty lies. You'll hear and you'll recall. The sadness and doubt of the loss, the grief will belong to some play from the past. As the child leads the way to a dream of belief. A time will hope through the land. (not sure on the last line)
You can hear it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AyLCfHqWGOY

A summer's day a mother sings
a song of purple summer
through the heart of everything
and heaven waits
so close it seams
to show her child the wonders
of a world beyond her dreams
The earth will wave with corn
the days so white so warm
and mares will neigh
with stallions that they mate
foals they've born
And all shall know the wonder
of purple summer

Why end with this song?
I think this song has the hint of what the Lion King was going for with Circle of Life. Song of Purple Summer is a song about the course of life and hope for a better future. We are always told that children see things very differently than adults. That having a Child's heart and seeing with a Child's eyes is the only way to view the world for what it really is. It is beautiful and mystifying. We have just witness a lot happen to characters that are still considered children in their world. They are barely 14 years old. We have just watched they be engulfed by the world around them and defy the world around them.

This song speaks about how things change and the hope they things will change for the good or for the better. It is the pefect song to give us closure after we hear the haunting song of Melchior, Wendla, and Moritz telling us that remembering those we have lost will help up to go on.

That's all I got for now. I'll post more when I decide to get more philosophical about it!
Until Thoughtful Days,
Me

Lines, Vines, and Trying Times

2009-06-15T21:19:00.005-05:00

Tomorrow is a HUGE day for me! Well only huge because I have so much going on!

Tomorrow, I will be waking up early to head out and purchase a copy of the NEW JONAS BROTHERS CD LINES VINES AND TRYING TIMES!!! The guys are growing up and their music is becoming more versatile and awesome! One of my favorite songs on the new album is the song that appeared in the credits of Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian called Fly With Me. It has one of my favorite set of lyrics that go like this:

We'll chase the stars to lose our shadow
Peter Pan and Wendy turned out fine
So won't you fly with me

You can check out that music video right here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=un-KTpvCPXo&feature=channel_page

Post Jonas cd buying craziness, I am going to pick up a few summer reading books for PLEASURE! FINALLY I CAN READ FOR PLEASURE!!! First on the list, The Jane Austen Book Club *the movie was AWESOME* and second on the list is whatever the cutest guy at the book store recommends to me. haha

Then I have to have a HUGE conversation with my dad. A HUGE scary conversation about growing *gulp* up. But this is a good growing up. A relocating growing up. I put together a budget and I have been sending out resumes like crazy and getting no response. So I have decided that if I do not have a job by the end of August I want to move to Orlando to work for The Walt Disney World Resort full time and work my way into a position that I can love. I had the time of my life down at Disney and I feel like I can grow so much there because I am passionate about making people's dreams come true. Be aware that I will have to start at the bottom making a mere $7-9 an hour but I will be getting benefits and will probs pick up another job. But not only am I talking to him about relocating, I'm talking to him about relocating and investing in a house. Because he slightly mentioned that he might want to relocate to Florida if he can't find a job here as well. He saw some nice jobs in Florida he would like. So I'm nervous, but I am confident and I have my list of topics. Wish me luck!

Hopefully I will be able to meet up with friend for coffee and enjoy the rest of the day. Then wednesday it's relaxing time before an awesome night at the Phillies! Life is Beautiful.

Oh! I have three blogs*crazy I know* but on my main Wordpress blog I have added a widget that if you click on it and watch the 1 minute video, you can support the charity To Write Love On Her Arms. This is something very near and dear to my heart for a number of reasons so I hope that you guys can go over and check it out. Make sure to click next and to leave a comment for me letting me know you stopped by! http://thekeenanator.wordpress.com

Until Jonas Day!!!
~Me

Random Ramblings

2009-06-06T22:20:00.003-05:00

I'm going to post something real quick because I have a lot on my mind:

1. He's Just Not That Into You

When the book came out and my cousin was reading it, I read a bit of it. I really, really hate that book. I think it's horrible. The only way you learn about relationships and whether or not a guy is into you is by actually doing. Some people are lucky with relationships, others not so much. But you can't learn about relationships by a self help book. I hesitate to say all books because I think some novels can show us the way gals and guys should act towards each other. But again, the only way you find out what works for you is by learning....each person is different. We all find love in different ways.
The movie was like the story of my life. I could relate to a lot of the characters. Whether it was being a friend or a certain relationship or knowing someone who is obsessive over whether or not a guy calls her or not I have witnessed. I think it was a decent movie. My fave relationship was the Affleck/ Aniston relationship because it was cute and that's the kind of guy who is right for me...so I think. But yeah probs give it a B.

2. My Best Friend's Girl
~The movie with Dane Cook, Kate Hudson and that guy from American Pie

I thought this movie was pretty good. However, the ending SUCKED. Seriously? I was laughing because I could not for the life of me believe that they were serious about the ending. I dunno, like movies where people find themselves in going through a series of events. That is real life. Not fairytales. Yes, some people don't change, in fact, most people probably don't change. But the thing is People are affected by situations, relationships, events and life in general. Change or "growth" as my friend calls it, happens.

3. On The Way Down by Ryan Cabrera

I know that I am a little late on this boat, but I realized that this song was about Ryan's being "saved". He had said in an interview that in one of his darkest times he found God and then he wrote a song about it. Pretty sweet. I'm always down for musicians that write songs about God. Here I thought it was about something else. Alas, I am a huge fan of Ryan and I am happy to have made this discovery. It really makes me put more perspective into his music. I have all but his latest CD and I love just about all of his songs! so..that was my discovery of the night! yay!

That's all! Please feel free to discuss any of your opinions about these things with me! Thanks!
~Me~

Slow Summer Days

2009-06-01T20:39:00.002-05:00

So far this summer has been slow and I have been feeling lazy. I'm not sure how I feel about this or what to do about it. I LOVE reading, but I feel like if I sit down to read a book for a few hours I get fat and lazy. I want to finish writing my story, but again the whole sitting around for a few hours makes me feel fat and lazy. I am trying to find a job but I mean, it's hard right now, everywhere.

So a Plan:

I may start taking day trips to different places. Coffee shops, Philly, random fairs and festivals, Delaware, Maryland, Anywhere really. It's either that or find a temporary summer job, but those are really hard to find too. I was thinking about taking bartending lessons, but I'm not sure how I feel about that either. I just want to get out.

I am uneasy about doing things alone. I am a firm believer in having people around you all the time. However, I really don't have any friends at home. At least this summer. It's stinky. I guess this is growing up. I don't really like it. I'm actually jealous of my little sister who is graduating high school who still gets to see her friends everyday and make plans and everything.

Oh well, this is just growing up.

Off to read. I'll post a review of the book when I'm done

Making Plans

2009-05-20T22:35:00.003-05:00

In the hustle and bustle of going from my sister's prom to my graduation and coming home to get my life in order, I forgot about plans.

Now that I am finally settled down, with some cleaning left to do, I am ready to make plans for the future. However, I was reading today and this quote fluttered across the page:

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper and not to harm you. Plans for hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

It was then that I realized that I need to not make plans. I need to prepare and trust that the Lord's plans for me are greater than anything that I can imagine. I have a general idea of where I am being led but I can tell you that I am very scared. I am excited that the Lord is pulling on certain strings but I am super scared.

I love trust. Trusting the Lord. It doesn't mean that you have to be brave every second. It simply means that you are able to be brave long enough to know that you are doing the right thing. Trust is an important value. If you can't Trust someone, what kind of value does that put on your relationship with them.

I learned a lot about trust when I was in Vail, Colorado with Campus Crusade for Christ. It was during one specific moment did I finally know why God had placed me halfway across the country from home and into the high mountains. I had issues with trust and men. I had been hurt by too many. Also, I was very hurt by a few men of God, or those who called themselves such. So I found myself unable to trust men, all men, with the exception of my dad and the Lord above. While on Project, I met Ben. Ben has been such an important person in my walk with Christ and my life. Ben was a member of my small group on project. We had shared a lot with our small groups and so Ben knew that my asthma and out-of-shapeness would be of an issue with me. Also, I have a very small fear of new things, though I was excited to try them, I was petrified at the same time.
One Saturday we participated in The Amazing Race: Vail style. This included swimming, biking, and hiking. We had to answer questions as well. It was very hard, but my team Ben and Jeremy's *like the Ice Cream Ben and Jerry's haha* pulled me through. Ben and my friend Terrin were a big part of our finishing. Ben hiked all the way up a ski slope with me in tow while our team ran ahead to answer the question.
The next day, our small group with caving *I can't spell spalunking?* This was an awesome adventure and Ben was there once again to help me! After making our way through the cave, reaching the perfect place to turn off our headlamps and singing some worship *which sounded beautiful with the acoustics*, we turned to go back. Since I was taking it slow, Ben and my leader Joanna stayed behind to help me out. There was this one part that would have been horrible is you slipped and fell in the gap between the rocks. Ben went over and promised to help me over. But I sort of had this trust issue with men and promises. Even after everything Ben had done for me in the days before, I could not trust him enough to risk my life/health. To make a really long story short, it took about 10 minutes, lots of tears, Jo yelling at me, lots of prayers, Ben's begging me to trust him, and God's Amazing Grace to get me past that one point. From that point on, it was smooth sailing and we weren't in any rush. Ben and Jo climbed some scary looking ropes that we found in the cave and then we finally made our way out. Ben, with the help of Joanna and our gracious God, helped me regain my trust in men.

Recently Ben and I started talking again (as in we lost touch and got back in touch). So if you are reading this Ben, I still talk about that day all the time. You are very important to me. I have also been led to make some travel plans this summer and I would love to go see Ben and just catch up. A vacation either alone or with one other person. I don't know where that vacation will be or when it will be, I just know that it needs to happen in order for me to figure out my life. I would love to visit my friends from Vail in a road trip across the country or go across the ocean to visit friends in Europe.

So the point of all this: Trust! I am trusting the Lord to lead me to where I am supposed to be. I am trusting that the Resumes I send out fall into the right hands and that job I have is the Job in which I will most grow both mentally and spiritually. I am simply trusting.

I Vote GLEE, Best Show!

2009-05-19T21:52:00.001-05:00

So I just watched GLEE with about half of America. I am simply at a loss for words. GLEE was AMAZING! Of course FOX will make us wait until September to see this show. They are some smart cookies those people at FOX. Since the ratings drop with 24 this past season, FOX needed something to stir up its audiences. Why not combine Musical Theatre and TV? But wait! We will premiere the show at the end of the Spring TV season and use it as a kick off to SWEEPS in the fall! They really are some very smart cookies! They also want YOU to tell YOUR friends to check out the first episode of GLEE all summer long on FOX.com.
So why did I like GLEE? Here are a few reasons:
GLEE puts everything I could never have into a show. My school never had a show choir, however, that was the one thing I’ve always wanted to be a part of. Because I never had experience in a show choir I was too chicken to join one in College, even though I know most of the people in it *Shout out to those SINGING LIONS!*, I still couldn’t do it. I think it’s the one thing I regret. I would love to go back to my high school now and start one. I would need some help though, but I know I’d be able to find it. I was never really a jock and I never really fit in anywhere. I can relate a lot of the characters of Rachel and Mr. Schuester. I feel like an outsider a lot. However, I find absolute joy and I am most happy when I am preforming. GLEE has many definitions, but it mostly means joy or happiness. So this show is perfect for that.
It relates at a wide audience. This is not a show that is going to bring in Women between the ages of 18-49, which is the demographic most sitcoms seem to be going towards these days. This is a show that is going to draw teenagers, college kids, and adults together. This is a show that is going to bring together not only the theatre lovers but people who love to watch a good sitcom.
SHOW TUNES! OK so maybe there aren’t going to be too many show tunes. But the fact that there are musical theatre artists in the show and scheduled to guest star on the show, I am extremely PUMPED! Finally, everyone will be able to get a taste of what I love about performing arts! Show tunes are goofy, but that doesn’t mean the people who sing them are. Well, I consider myself goofy, but if you look at the people in the performing arts lifestyle, most of them are doing it because they are passionate about it. Some are doing it because it’s all they have ever known, and that’s ok too. But the majority of performers perform because its what makes them happy, it is their passion. When was the last time you did something that you were extremely passionate about? I’m serious. If you are passionate about math and you love accounting…do it! Don’t just settle for the first thing that comes your way and makes you miserable. It’s a lot like a relationship. Hey! I think GLEE is going somewhere with this…
But I won’t spoil the show for everyone. I will simply suggest that you head on over to FOX.com/GLEE and watch the first episode and decide for yourself.
Meanwhile, the rest of us will be pulling our hair out in anticipation for the fall season of GLEE!

"Believe that Dreams come true everyday...because they do."

2009-05-18T21:47:00.003-05:00

~One Tree Hill Season 6 Finale Ending.
Of course I bawled my eyes out....because that is the statement that I live by. Dreams Come True Everyday...because they do. Not just in Disney but everywhere....everyday. I'm still working for my dreams to come true...one of them is to get married some day. Which leads to the rest of this post...

I also just finished watching My Fake Fiance..... I should not do this to myself. Tears once more. yay! I get to watch all my friends get married or engaged and I'm still single. It's ok that I'm single because I'd rather be single than be dating the wrong person. But sometimes I just get tired of waiting. I mean who exactly do I go with to these weddings? It would feel weird to go alone. Maybe I should hire a wedding date...like in the movie The Wedding Date. Maybe we will fall in love? haha. Only in the movies.

All of this talk about finding love and everything just puts me in the pits sometimes. I mean when I finally find myself content with the single life, love appears all around me.
My brother and his girlfriend are happily in love. My best friend and my other friend are happily in love.
I thought my parents hated each other. But on sunday on a travel from one grad party to another they were laughing like they were best friends, something I haven't seen them do in a really long time. I just sort of knew that they were still in love. Like that song Lucky.

I guess it would be ok if I wasn't hurt so much this year. If I wasn't sick of being lied to by men who should know better. I'm 22, just graduated from college, and I am the Grace to every Will out there. I just want one guy to be nice, know what he wants in a relationship, and treat me with respect. Sometimes I get tired of being Grace. Don't get me wrong. I love all the Wills in my life. They are amazing men and I wouldn't ask any of them to change for the world, but it's hard sometimes.

So this is what I do to myself. I spend my days working out and watching everyone around me fall in love and I wait. I am waiting very patiently and if that makes me a loser that is fine. I don't find parties satisfying, I'd rather stay in with a good book and hot cocoa. I love picnics and the finer, smaller things in life. So I'll sit here and wait until some guy comes along who finds the smaller things in life amazing. Who enjoys watching old Disney movies and laughing at nothing. Who will go on walks with me around the neighborhood and talk. Because even though I've had two relationships with jerks, I've found that the times we were most happy was when we were enjoying the small things in life.

Why settle for less? After all, men will never be men if we settle for jerks.

Sorry men. I love you and all...but your majority make you look horrible. Yes, women have their bad sides too, but from a woman's perspective, men are the worst.

The Beauty of Music

2009-02-01T00:36:00.003-05:00

So I went to a concert tonight. The Singing Lions, a show choir on campus. I usually go to their concerts because their music inspires me. Their voices are beautiful as well. I love to sing, but I'm not sure I have the guts to ever be a singing lion. They are some of the most amazing people I know.
They did a cabaret tonight and did a great job. The songs were beautiful, breathtaking, and some even brought tears to my eyes.

I haven't been feeling good. This whole not eating right, low blood sugar thing is freaking me out a bit. I'm sure it's going to my head. So tonight I decided to talk to a friend and listen to some random music. I started with Michael Buble, he is simply amazing. His voice is very soothing and he brings about a mellow tone in his slower songs. It was nice.

At the moment I am listening to Rachel's. I am a huge fan of classical music, though I'm not entirely sure that is what Rachel's can be classified as. They are very relaxing music with no words. However, I believe that it's more new wave than it is Classical. None the less it is beautiful and relaxing. It's inspiring as well. It certainly brings a new air into this apartment. A clam, peaceful air. I like it.

Music is surely very beautiful.

No Place Like Home

2009-01-15T21:51:00.002-05:00

The saying is totally true.
This musing is about my weekend. I think it will be a good one.

After my 8am Tai Chi class, I will run over to meet with my advisor to make sure the class I moved around works out. Then I will stop at Starbucks and grab my usual Grande Caramel Macchiato with Skim Milk and head up to warm my car up. Then it's off to home sweet home. I am very excited.

Reasons to be excited about home:
My family ~ They are amazing and i love them so much! Also, I need to talk business with my parents.
My Puppy ~ He is just the best and cutest dog ever (everyone feels that way about their pooch)
My Friends ~ To my honest, my two best friends from home have to be the best people in the entire world! One is a magician and the other is just, great!

So I'm not sure what the plans for tomorrow are exactly. I hope to go see Mr. Magic's show. I was going to do it in secret but I forgot he has facebook and he found out I was coming home. So he asked me to go. I said maybe. THere's a lot at stake going to that show. Seeing things I don't want to see and the fact that the kid still pulls on my heart. He knows it too. That is a bit frustrating at times.

SATURDAY is going to be great! It's going to be cold but one of my good friends from Disney will be in Philly so I am going to show him around! It promises to be a fun day filled with adventure. Maybe some running up the Art Museum steps?

Sunday the birds play and monday I will leave to come back to school. Hopefully it will be above zero by then.

Home is my run to place. I won't be able to get there very much this semester, I want to get there while I can. I love being at home with people I love. I love the notion of home and everything it stands for and is. I guess that's what you get when you spend a whole semester entirely away from it.

Do You Believe in Magic?

2009-01-14T21:40:00.002-05:00

Musings about Magic.

To think that I have spent many days thinking about Magic after working at Studios. During the Christmas Rush in Disney I had to keep reminding myself every morning before work that I was here to make magic and memorable guest experiences. How was that possible to do when you have 50+ screaming guests in your face upset because the theatre hit capacity and you can no longer let anyone else in? You are just doing your job.

It was rare that I had to remind myself to make magic. Magic sort of just comes naturally to me. I love to smile and to laugh. Those are two wonderful forms of magic. Laughing is contagious, I don't care what you say. You could laugh at nothing and get just about a whole entire room laughing with you. It's great! And Smiling....well just try it sometime. You'll understand. We rarely realize that magic is all around us.

Let's take today for example:
It's cold at Penn State. Freezing. The weather man says, "Don't go outside. You will get frostbite." Penn State still goes to school. So we students bundle up and head out to brave the weather. It's BITTER Cold. Just a lovely time to walk around campus from class to class. We endure it because we have to, well most of us endure it. Some people are just lazy. But tonight something beautiful happened. It started to snow. Not the heavy, gusty snow, but the soft, gentle snow that leaves a nice dusting on the ground. To me, that is magic. A cold, miserable day turns out to be a beautiful one in the blink of an eye. Snow is magic to me because it has powers to do a lot. It has the powers to make things sparkle and seem new. It gives us creative abilities (snowmen, snow angels, igloos) and much more. Magic can be found all around us.

When I had a free day or even if I had a hard day at work, I would stop by the Magic Kingdom or Epcot to watch the fireworks at night. Actually, that's a lie. I rarely watched the actual fireworks. Rather, I watched the people around me. The adults and children. People from Florida and people from Across the world. I watched them as they watched in amazement at the display before their eyes. The oohs and ahhs. The wows and That's cool! I loved every second of it. Watching families hug close together, couples hold hands, babies stare at the wonder before their eyes. It was simply amazing. Of course I cried at times. After all, these people weren't just coming to Disney because it is a well known theme park. They were because Disney offers a rare form of magic. Disney takes the guest from reality and places them in a land of fantasy where anything can happen. It's true, anything can happen at Disney. I saw a lot happen. Engagements, weddings, birthdays, regular people getting VIP treatment, surprises and more. I had the honor of making magic myself. Everyday. Not only when I went to work, but even visiting the park as a guest and helping people find their way. They had no idea I worked for Disney (though the two finger point probably gave it away). It's amazing.

My best friend is a magician. He sees things a little bit different than normal people. I think right now, in this moment, I finally understand what he loves most about his job. After all, we could all use a little magic in our lives every now and then. Though making our own...that right there is priceless.

Lets Finish this Thing

2009-01-11T18:57:00.002-05:00

Here I am. My last semester of College. I'm sorry I didn't write more about the Disney College Program. I was really very busy down there. It was crazy. Here I am, last semester of college, not sure of what is going to happen after this.
Here goes nothing.
I'll post more when something exciting happens.

Here's Where I stand, Here's who I am

2008-09-06T12:15:00.002-05:00

I hate being challenged by other people. I am usually always up to the challenge. But last night my confidence was challenged. I hate that! and now I am feeling blah about myself. Seriously people? Good thing I am going to work today! Those people are so much fun!

Update on work and Disney in General. It's fun! I love my work because I love the people I work with and I love putting smiles on people's faces. They don't always listen to me and sometimes they get angry about me stopping them or directing them a certain way, but they don't understand that it's for their safety. The parade could run them over or they could fall and get hurt. It doesn't matter if a parent is watching them or whatever, they could get hurt and it's my job to say: Don't do that you'll get hurt.

I work at Indiana Jones Epic Stunt Spectacular and it's a lot of fun. I've been working long hours but that will change this week because they cut back on my hours. That's fine, I could use a chill week. If I need to I can pick up shifts from other people or some other shifts.

I think that's it. I have to get my confidence back up. It might happen today, it might not. I'll def get it up tomorrow after work. I only work until 2 so I can go to the gym or something. Who knows. I have to go get ready for work and such.

Peace, Love, and Pixie Dust

ITS HERE!!!!

2008-08-12T14:25:00.001-05:00

IT'S FINALLY HERE!!!

A LITTLE BIT LONGER!!!

GET IT!!

Not Much Longer...

2008-08-11T08:06:00.003-05:00

Crazy Kevin Jonas right before their First Sold Out MSG show!!1

JONAS BROTHERS

A LITTLE BIT LONGER

INSTORES>>>>> TOMORROW!!!!

GO GET IT!!! NOW!

All this time goes by, still no reason why

2008-08-09T22:13:00.003-05:00

A Little Bit Longer and I'll be fine
Waitin on the cure
But none of them are sure
A little bit longer and I'll be fine

~Nick Jonas~ A Little Bit Longer

So I'm different than Nick Jonas of course, but having a chronic illness just stinks. Having to take medications every day....it's not fun. Yesterday I had a really rough day. All I wanted to do was sing and my lungs would not allow me to. I was really congested and it was really frustrating. Talking was a chore. I hated it. But I've been learning more about asthma and allergies and how I can be an ambassador of my illness too. Most days I am perfectly fine. But I have my lows. Days were I can't talk, where I'm too congested to exercise, headaches that keep me on the couch, and so on. I can take all the meds I want, use all the creams they tell me to *exzema is popular with asthma*, and do whatever it takes to get better, but just sitting here feeling bad for myself is not a good way to spend my life. Why did it take a 15 year old boy and his two older brothers to show me that?

So I'll wait Til Kingdom Come
All the highs and lows are gone
a little bit longer and I'll be fine

I wrote my own little song called Rough Todays. I don't think the song will ever get anywhere but hey, who knows. I'm not pushing for it though. I have other things on my mind. So lets talk about them and the blessings I have in my life.

Today I had a very hyper day! Who knew getting up at 6 to go to work would make someone so hyper! I was singing and dancing. I was modeling the new clothes I bought for Disney and the clothes I made for the Renn Faire! It was awesome! I am still hyper but I'm winding down. I had a GREAT DAY! Trying to be more cheerful and positive is making such a difference!

A huge blessing I have found in my life is found in music. The Jonas Brothers to be exact and their family *including team Jonas* Who knew three boys with a great family and amazing team members could be so inspiring! I wasn't a huge Jonas fan at first, but then something happened. I don't know what it was...Camp Rock or Play My Music....something sparked a Jonas mania in me and I have been hooked on what I like to call "Lovebug Jonas" ever since. Thanks to MTV I have been IV hooked to the life of the Jonas Brothers and was able to see the beautiful Kevin *my personal guitar hero* wake up this morning...he's a typical 20 year old boy, "Oh good....Please Go Away." I followed them from last night all the way up until their show tonight at Madison Square Gardens in NYC. Love you boys and rock MSG this weekend!!!
Hit up www.jonasbrothers.com www.changeforthechildren.com or nickssimplewins.com to be inspired by these beautiful young men.

Another huge blessing is my family! They are being so supportive of my going to Disney for a semester. I was really worried. I hate leaving my family. Everyone who knows me, knows how much I love my family and I have a need to be near them. However, when God opened this door for me, I said yes and I am so excited! This is an incredible opportunity. I am thankful for my family for being my family and supporting me through this. I get to spend one full week with them before taking off on Saturday morning *12am* for Florida, starting my program on Monday, taking a day to myself on Sunday.

Two of my great friends! Well three... Sarah and Ben. I love you guys. Without you I don't know what I would do!!! Even though Sarah and I had our first big fight.... we are still bffs. She's great and Ben just is amazing as well! Thanks guys!!! I'm really going to miss you! Another friend who was a great blessing this summer popped out from the past this May. Mr.Magic has graduated HS and is pursuing his career as a Magician. I am so very proud of him! We have spent a lot of time together this summer doing things like: Me and his lil sis of 7 singing HSM kareoke, dinners after my internship, The PA Renn Faire *celtic fling*, and working on a juggling routine to some Disney song. We toss email back and forth talking about everything. What a great friend! He sees through everything!

Tomorrow Mr. Magic and I are heading to the pa renn Faire. I am going to be a pirate! I made half of my costume myself! It is very exciting. maybe I'll post pictures but there will probably be a vlog about it so check out You Tube! We will be entertaining others with our talents and just being crazy at a sweet place!

Well thats all for now. Omgosh I am getting so excited!!!

Update on Life

2008-08-07T14:28:00.005-05:00

I know I haven't updated in a while...I've been busy.

My life has been crazy so here is an update:

I am now a part of the Street Team for these three Handsome Young Men.....and probably one of the oldest members...

I made that ^^^

I am working on a cigar box routine that promises to be as cool as a scat cat.

I am just about packed and ready to ship out for Disney in 8 days!!!!!

Tomorrow I will officially be done with my internship...YAY!!!

I still haven't seen Bailey perform in Legally Blonde but I am hoping to get there next wednesday!

I have found/ made a costume for the Renn Faire which opens this weekend and I am happy to be going with a good friend of mine.
a
I think that's all. If more exciting news comes up...I'll be sure to post it.. In the meantime

Voting for Burnin' Up for a VMA starts tomorrow...DO IT!
A Little Bit Longer comes out August 12th GET IT!
The Burnin' Up Tour is coming to a city near you... SEE IT!

mucho love!

GO GET IT!

2008-08-01T21:44:00.000-05:00

PRE ORDER IT!!! It Promises to be good!

Theatre Survey

2008-07-25T22:02:00.002-05:00

REAL NAME: Lauren Mary Keenan

STAGE NAME: Lauren Keenan

LAST SHOW YOU ADDED TO YOUR RESUME: Jekyll and Hyde the musical

LAST SHOW YOU AUDITIONED FOR: Jekyll and Hyde the Musical

WERE YOU CAST?: No originally no, but after a few boo boos I was.

LAST SONG YOU USED AT AN AUDITION: "You Must Love Me" from Evita

THE NAME OF YOUR NEWEST SHOW FRIEND(S): So Many! Liz, Disney Dave, Jimmy, Mary, Ross, and more!

FAVORITE THEATRE (VENUE): PSU: Schwab, NYC: The Palace Theatre, Philly: Academy of Music

ACTOR,DANCER,SINGER, LIST ACCORDING TO YOU: Singing, acting, then dancing

FAVORITE PLAY(S): Spring Awakening, A Streetcar Named Desire

FAVORITE MUSICAL(S): Beauty and the Beast, The Lion King, Jekyll and Hyde, Legally Blonde the Musical

FAVORITE ROLE YOU'VE PLAYED & FROM WHAT SHOW: D.W. in Arthur a Children's show, Lead Juggler #1 in Barnum, rich lady in Jekyll and Hyde

DREAM ROLE(S): Ensemble in Legally Blonde the musical, Lucy in Jekyll and Hyde, Anything in Godspell, Rusty in Footloose

NAME A THEATRE SUPERSTITION: "Break a leg"

LAST PART YOU PLAYED IN A SHOW: Rich lady in Jekyll and Hyde

ARE YOU EQUITY OR NON-EQUITY: Non-Equity

YOUR GOAL IN SHOW BUSINESS: To make people smile and forget their troubles for a while. To take audiences to another world. To be the best I can be while learning and growing continually.

FAVORITE DIRECTOR: Marge Campbell. On Broadway: Jerry Mitchell

FAVORITE CHOREOGRAPHER: Holly Gombita and Theo Lenicki

WHAT WAS YOUR VERY FIRST SHOW: The Wizard of Oz * a remake*

HAVE YOU EVER HAD A DANCE SOLO: No.

HAVE YOU EVER HAD A SINGING SOLO: Yep.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN THE LAST PERSON TO TAKE A BOW: No

NAME A SHOW YOU'VE DONE MORE THAN ONCE: Godspell

HAVE YOU BEEN TO NEW YORK: YES!

HAVE YOU BEEN TO LA: No

SCARIEST PART OF AN AUDITION: Waiting to for the list to go up

BEST PART OF AN AUDITION: Getting a chance to prove yourself

NAME A SHOW YOU WOULD NEVER DO AGAIN: Rocky Horror

NAME A SHOW YOU COULD DO FOR YEARS: Godspell

NAME A SHOW YOU WOULD LOVE TO DO BUT HAVE NEVER BEEN IN: Footloose/Godspell

A PREVIOUS DREAMROLE THAT YOU'VE SINCE GOTTEN TO PLAY: D.W. in Arthur a Children's show ~ PLaying a kid is so much fun!

NAME A PERSON YOU'D LIKE TO WORK WITH AGAIN: Marge Campbell and Theo Lenicki

WHAT ARE YOU AUDITIONING FOR NEXT: A role in Disney and Joseph in the Spring

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN PERFORMING: Since 5th Grade so 10 years

DO YOU CARRY YOUR HEADSHOTS AROUND WITH YOU: No

DO YOU KEEP IN TOUCH WITH PAST CAST MEMBERS: You betcha!

ON A SCALE OF 1-10 HOW IMPORTANT IS GETTING PAID: 1.

WHAT IS YOUR MOST MEMORABLE PERFORMANCE: Being lead Juggler in Barnum. I was able to grow a lot and get over a lot of fears (Ie. Falling off the stage while juggling)

WHAT'S SOMETHING EMBARRASSING OR UNEXPECTED THAT HAPPENED TO YOU WHILE
ON STAGE: I unexpectedly almost fell backwards off the stairs during a performance of Jekyll and Hyde. My healwas a few inches off the back of the step and I slightly lost balance. It was a bit noticeable.

WHO IS THE MOST DIFFICULT PERSON (ON STAGE OR OFF)?
People who act like they know exactly what they are doing when they honestly don't know what they are doing.

EVER BEEN NAKED ON STAGE?: no

WHO OR WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST INSPIRATION OR INFLUENCE? Currently it is Jon Groff because I wrote to him expressing my appreciation for his art and how inspiring his performance was and he hand wrote me a letter back. After that I'd say Actors who are normal and not stuck up. People who do what they do because they love to do it. Walt Disney, most of the Penn State Thespians, Joshua Beblo, and more!

IF YOU COULD BE A RICH FAMOUS PORN STAR OR A STRUGGLING THEATRE ACTOR
WHICH WOULD YOU CHOOSE? Struggling theatre actor. It's what I love to do.

ONSTAGE, HAVE YOU EVER…
a) Been killed? No
b) Been drunk / stoned? No.
c) Played someone half your age? YES!
d) Played someone twice your age? no

e) Played someone of the opposite sex? yes.
f) Cried? yes
g) Fired a gun? No
h) Driven a car? No.
i) Been drenched? no.
j) Been in a dream sequence? no.

k) Kissed someone? yes.

"Cause Tonight I'm gonna fall for you again"

2008-07-14T19:08:00.002-05:00

So the wedding was ok....

It was hard being the only one without a date, especially at Busch Gardens because everyone had a partner to ride the rides with and I was always in a row by myself. The only exception was on the Griffon because you could fit 9 people in a row. Ugh.

Since the wedding things have been good. I met up with my good friend Magic man a few times and we had a blast. Hanging out with him is always a good time. We talk and relax and get to know each other even more than we already do. This summer has been great getting to know him. He has matured so much and has been a lot more open then in the past. I feel like for the first time we understand each other as friends. We joke around and stuff. It's good. I know he doesn't like me, but he's a wonderful guy and it's so hard for me to keep my "lets just be friends" face on. He's a sweetie. Actually, he is helping me put together a cigar box routine. This is great because I need to work on performing as much as possible. I'm a new performer and I'm just getting my feet wet. It's going to take some time before I feel comfortable walking up to people and juggling in their faces. I'll get there though. I think Magic man has faith in me and I have some faith in myself, apparently that helps a lot too.

I'm at the beach right now watching the sunset. It's beautiful and I might go for a walk up the street just to watch it and relax a bit. Life is beautiful down here. The waves make wonderful music the skies shine off the water. Everything is relaxed, except with my family things can get out of control sometimes. But it's nice. It's nice not to have to worry about the internship or anything else. I love relaxing. It's peaceful and comforting.

Until later

~Me

But It's cool Cause We're just Friends

2008-07-01T22:09:00.003-05:00

Part of the chorus from Just Friends by the Jonas Brothers. I love that song.

I'm dedicating this part of the song to My Cousin Ryan and his fiance Katie, they are getting married this weekend. Here is the part I am sending out to them:

Thinkin about how

we're gonna say our vows

it's cool we're just friends

As she walks down the isle

I see all my friends smile

Cause Now we're more than friends

A little bit about this wedding... since it's in North Carolina, my family is using it as an excuse to road trip so that we can catch up with some old family friends on the way. So my mom, brother, sister, and I are jumping in the car and heading there at 4 am tomorrow. Wait, I forgot to mention my brother's girlfriend and my sister's boyfriend and my....oh wait that's right I don't have a date. This is more so because I don't have a boyfriend, even though he would really come in handy right now. I'm not bitter, I'm just frustrated. I know I am going to be left out of a bunch of stuff and dancing isn't going to be fun alone. I know I know, meet someone there and dance with them...but it's not the same. That slow song comes on and who do I get to dance with...no one. This is my first wedding as a grown up and well....it sucks to go alone.

So here's the game plan. We are leaving at the butt crack of dawn tomorrow and driving to VA beach. After that we are heading to a friend of ours who lives in VA and staying over. Thursday we are going to Busch Gardens and to add salt to the wound, both of the daughters of this friend are bringing their boyfriends. Gee Golly Gosh I am going to have a blast. We are staying for the fireworks at Busch Gardens then heading to NC for the wedding. Friday we are going to chill maybe with my uncle but more so just as a family and the sig others, and Saturday is the wedding.

I wish I had a date and to be honest I could have just asked a guy friend. But it's not the same. It stinks to be going this alone, but I guess that's life. I think it would be different if there were friends of mine who were going to be there and are single too....but there aren't. I am going this alone and it stinks. It stinks a lot.

So say some prayers for me. I hope to have fun, but at the same time I want that:

Everyone knows it's meant to be

falling in love just you and me

and

Hello Beautiful

How's it going?

Some thoughts on Jo Bros songs?

2008-06-27T08:38:00.002-05:00

Ok so the countdown is dwindling. Only 51 days until I arrive in Disney to start my College Program. I am driving down and leaving on the 15th so I can give myself plenty of time. I am a littler nervous.

Anyway....

I have been listening to the Brothers called Jonas....aka The Jonas Brothers aka Jo Bros a lot lately cause I have to clean my room and while I like singing musicals, the Jo Bros have been songs to dance to. Here are a list of my favs in no particular order.

Just Friends

Games

When You Look Me In The Eyes

Burnin' Up * THE NEW ONE!!!*

PLAY MY MUSIC

Hello Beautiful

That's Just the Way We Roll

Please Be Mine

6 Minutes

Hold On

I probably have more but I just don't know it yet. Some of my fav lines from these songs are as follows because they mean something to me.

"When you love someone and they break your heart; don't give up on love, Have faith, restart and Hold On." ~ Hold On

"Cause I could comb across the world, see everything and never be satisfied. If I couldn't see those eyes." ~ Hello Beautiful

"I just want to play my music all night long" ~Play my music

"Everyone knows it's meant to be. Falling in love just you and me. Til the end of time, til I'm on her mind. It'll happen. I've been making lots of plans like a picket fence and a rose garden. I just keep on dreaming. But it's cool cause we're just friends." ~Just Friends

"I'll be there forever. You'll see that it's better. All our hopes and our dreams will come true. I will not disappoint you. I'll be right there for you 'til the end. The end of time. Please be mine." ~ Please Be mine

Of course all my favorites are the love songs but I can't help it. Remember I am the hopeless romantic. *sigh* Great band, great guys. Maybe one day I can meet them and tell them that they seem really down to earth and really funny. Who Knows.

my Jo Bro confession...

2008-06-24T22:53:00.002-05:00

Yeah...I finally confessed after about a month of being hooked on the Jo Bros.

HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT!!!!!!

2008-06-18T21:24:00.003-05:00

I am writing a BOOK!!!!

I know you all are super excited!!! I am going to begin writing as soon as I finish this post and do my nightly exercise.

What the book is going to be about is a secret but it's something that I care deeply about, besides theatre.

I am super excited about this book and while it may take a while to get through the process, I am sure gonna stick through it.

Encouragement is welcome!

Summer, Summer, Summer

2008-06-13T20:40:00.002-05:00

Well schools are almost all out and it's summer.

Job Update: I still don't have one. This means, I'm probably not getting one. Seriously. It's stupid. I'm getting beat out by high school kids because I am not staying in the area.

I'm sorry I stink at posting. Nothing interesting is happening. I don't have a job. I'm not going on vacations. No day trips.

Really all I have been doing is; reading, juggling, singing, and interning. I have such an exciting life. At least once August hits I'll be in Disney mode. I'm already excited to get there and start. This whole internship on Thursdays and Fridays stinks. It's alright though.

I promise to write more interesting things when they happen.

Heat and No Breath

2008-06-08T21:13:00.002-05:00

I am sure most of you, wherever you may be, are experiencing this heat wave. This crazy crazy heat wave. Well I am in this heat. My family is and our lovely air conditioner broke. My poor puppy is panting like there is no tomorrow. I feel bad for him. There is no cool place in our house for him to go. My mom is going to put the air in her room on tonight, but 4 of us will not fit in the room.

It is almost 100 degrees in the philly suburb and if our air doesn't get fixed I'm not sure what will happen. Tomorrow is going to be hell and I hope that my puppy is ok while we are all out. I'll be at work along with my mom and bro. My sis at school.

I WANT COOL NIGHTS WITH NO HUMIDITY!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!

sorry gang just had to vent. Off goes the computer.

Stealing Cinderella

2008-06-07T21:32:00.003-05:00

I'm in that mood again. You know, the one you get in after reading about Mr. Darcy, Galas, Knights in Shining Armor and the like. Sometimes my minds drifts to these places. What it would be like to marry a guy who takes you to galas and shows you off. A guy who is arrogant at first but upon realizing his love for you decides he is going to change. A sweet guy riding in to save the day and risk his life for your love. One of the things that catches me about the whole Mr. Darcy thing is that Elizabeth didn't even like him. I mean, who would at first, but even after he makes his change, she turns him down. I mean seriously? Does that kind of stuff drive a man?

I was thinking about what it would be like to go to a formal event. You know one where you had to wear a gown and the gent wears a tux and there is champagne and such. Then my head went into Disney song mode and I thought: "He'll whisper 'I love you' and steal a kiss or two. Though he's far away, I'll find my love some day. Some day when my dreams come true."

Then my head went: "Omgosh, my dreams are coming true. I am working for Disney. Does this mean that possibly I will find him! The One! ahhhh" But it's all in my head right?

I'm still on the search, though I am being more subtle about it. I only wish that guys would take more advice from classic novel characters then they would the men around them. If a guy modeled himself around Mr. Darcy, the world would be different. *sigh*

I'm not getting any younger. I know that I am still young, but when your friends start getting engaged and the number of boyfriends you have had you can count on one hand, you start to think that maybe he's not out there. Doubt is part of human nature. However, Trusting God that He will send the right guy at the right time, is what I need to do.

I remember thinking that I had found that guy once. I was wrong. I wasn't super wrong, but I was wrong. Now, even though we are okay, things are weird. I never told him I thought he was the one. I mean that would be even weirder. But on occasions, my mind likes to wander off to what it would be like if we ever were married.

I'm a girl it's my nature.

Anyways the reason I titled this as such is because of a song my brother put in the back of his girlfriend's scrapbook he made for her graduation.

it's called Stealing Cinderella by Chuck Wicks. Here are the lyrics. Check em out and let me know what you think.

I came to see her daddy for a sit down man to man

It wasn't any secret I'd be asking for her hand

I guess that's why he left me waiting in the living room by myself

with at least a dozen pictures of her sitting on a shelf

Chorus:

She was playing cinderella

she was riding her first bike

bouncing on the bed and looking for a pillow fight

running through the sprinkler with a big popsicle grin

dancing with her dad, looking up at him

in her eyes I'm Prince Charming

but to him I'm just some fella

riding in and stealing Cinderella

I leaned in towards those pictures to get a better look at one

when I heard a voice behind me say "Now ain't she something, son?"

I said "Yes, she's quite the woman" and he just stared at me

Then I realized that in his eyes she would always be

Playing Cinderella

riding her first bike

bouncing on the bed and looking for a pillow fight

running through the sprinkler with a big popsicle grin

dancing with her dad, looking up at him

in her eyes I'm Prince Charming

but to him I'm just some fella

riding in and stealing Cinderella

He slapped me on the shoulder

then he called her in the room

when she threw her arms around him

that's when I could see it too

She was playing Cinderella

riding her first bike

bouncing on the bed and looking for a pillow fight

running through the sprinkler with a big popsicle grin

dancing with her dad, looking up at him

if he gives me a hard time

I can't blame the fella

I'm the one who's stealing Cinderella

anyways that's all for now.

iJob

2008-06-04T19:14:00.002-05:00

So Apple has their little i"insert fun phrase here" thingies.

I applied at the Apple store and got an interview. It's not a smart thing to get me started on this interview but to tell the story short: I had an interview, the lady never showed, there were mix communication between the workers and the lady who was supposed to interview me, some guy interviewed me, I am so in the dark right now.

I don't think that my interview was a good one. I'm nervous. I really need a job and Apple pays well. I am also going to call the hotel that has been trying to get me in for an interview for like three weeks. It's not my fault your staff isn't there in the beginning of the week when I have three days available. Gosh people.

I NEED TO WORK!!! I can't afford not to. College nickels and dimes you and I am very poor right now. As opposed to all the other kids who never had to work a day in their lovely lives to survive, I have had to work almost every day. This includes while being a full time high school and college student.

Summer job hunting is hard. No one wants seasonal. I'm praying for a good job. Even if I have to miss all the important things in my life this summer. That would be 1 wedding (not mine) and one week of family vacation.

SOMEONE, ANYONE, I NEED A JOB!!!!!

Sunday Drivers: Why do you drive so slow?

2008-06-02T22:03:00.002-05:00

Yesterday my mom woke me up at the ungodly hour of 8:15 am to meet her and my dad for breakfast. Yum. I looked like I was hungover, though I can promise you I wasn't, and for the first time in a long time I wore my glasses in the morning. I could see better but I still looked horrible. I really didn't get much sleep saturday night. Graduation parties leave me too sugared up.
After breakfast my mom and I headed out to some sales in Lancaster, but in order to get there we had to be stuck behind Sunday Drivers.

Now, Sunday Drivers have a right to drive slow. That's fine, take your time. It's Sunday why should you rush? The Lord gave us this "day of rest" and so we should Rest and relax and use it to not do work. However, Sunday drivers should be considerate of other drivers. If you are going 10 under the speed limit, please get off the road. Seriously. If you can't accelerate your car to the speed limit of a bypass, get off the road. That's all I have to say to you.

As I have already mentioned I was at some graduation parties. Friday: 2 grad parties of which I drank some beer that didn't make me too happy in the morning when I got up for work at 5 am. Lovely. Saturday: One grad party of which I skipped the beer, but didn't eat dinner at because...well I was allergic to everything that was there. Sunday: My bro's gf's graduation party. Prolly the best one of the weekend. I had one beer (I really don't like beer that much) and a ton of food and sweets. Then I fell asleep by the pool. It was great. Her family is really nice and all so it was cool and we knew some ppl there.

Next week I have a grad party for a really good friend of mine who I am going through a rough patch with. It's all part of his growing up and getting out there experience. I guess he isn't going to college, which is fine he needs to do what he loves. He loves magic, but it stinks because he is going to leave everything behind to chase this dream. When I first met him, I could tell that he loved his family much. When I look at him now, I almost feel as if he feels they are holding him back. They are so supportive of him and they all love and care for him very much, he is just pulling away. I care about him a lot and want what's best for him and I want him to follow his heart and his dreams, but I am so worried about him. We don't talk much any more because my words are useless to him (I have said that I feel this way to him and he says that he doesn't mean to make me feel that way), but he does. However, I will always be there for him. Now he's one of those people who tell you that you don't need to get them anything. But I got him something small and he'll enjoy it.

I was working on some juggling tricks today. Let's just say, I'm glad my nails are short, and my fingers are in a lot of pain. My forearms are going to be black and blue tomorrow as well. I want/need to get some tricks down before I work on a full routine and that worries me because the stuff I am doing is not all that easy. I know in time, I will get it. However, it's going to take a lot of work and probably give me a lot of pain in the process. I guess that's my life.

In terms of the other performing I am doing, I have been practicing my vocals every day. I see a difference in the way I sing some songs. I think Mere would be proud of my practicing and improving. Also, I have been playing my guitar more often. Dance comes when I have time to devote to it (which right now is little) and acting is something I like to work on everyday. Sometimes I pretend I am different people just for the heck of it.

I am still thinking of some special features to add to this Blog. I might do a Performer Spotlight each week or something. That might be pretty cool.
Anyways That's all for today.

Hope you guys like the new colors and all
~Me

Marley and Me

2008-05-30T08:36:00.002-05:00

So last night I went out for a few drinks with my friend. We realized that they were shooting the film Marley and Me in West Chester and so after we had our drinks we went walking in town. We were almost part of the movie! But of course they didn't want us to walk across the street and be a par of the scene. It was a lot of fun though. We were able to see them drive a car out and then park it again. We also were able to walk behind the shoot and look at the trucks and stuff. We didn't go inside or anything, but we were able to see a lot and I figured out that I think that is what I want to do. If I can't entertain I want to be a part of helping to make the entertainment happen.

Other things that have happened:

Internship is going well. We do a lot and on slow days we get to hang out and learn from the producers. It is a lot of fun now that I switched to the days that have less people. I get to do more with the producers and a lot more work and I feel more useful.

I still can't find a job that pays. How the heck am I supposed to make money. I am helping a lady out that has a company and is a friend of the family but I don't know that she will have work for me all summer.

I will have a new vlog coming up. I will also have some other fun new things coming to this blog.

Tell your friends!
~ME

I do do sadness

2008-05-23T21:34:00.002-05:00

I know this happened a week ago....but I am still getting over it and I can't believe I didn't get to see them again before they headed off stage.

Jon Groff and Lea Michele exited Spring Awakening May 18th 2008. I just watched a You Tube video of their final curtain call and the speeches they gave. Lea Michele could barely speak she was bawling. Jon was trying to comfort her and silently wave until she was ready to talk. They walked out in true style holding hands and of course Jon kissed her hand as they made their final exit. I hope at some point in the future they come back to reprise their roles. I have a feeling Spring Awakening may have a long following like RENT. Personally, I would have slept in a tent for three days outside of the Eugene O'Neill theatre to get tickets to their final performance. I love those guys and I've only seen them perform once. They are truly amazing in their roles. The way they created them and fulfilled them was out of pure love for what they are doing.

To think that they are going to be replaced is hard. I guess when John Gallagher Jr. left it wasn't too big a deal since it was pretty early on in the show still. But these two...such crucial parts of the show itself and how it came to life. I also didn't get to see JGJ perform so I might have a small bias towards the other two and Mr. Banshoff who was wonderful as MOritz.

I don't think their replacement is a big deal but who they are being replaced with is. I mean the new Melchior is some Canadian rock singer or something like that. I mean seriously? The new Wendla should be good because well, she's been studying Wendla for a long time.

Ugh. To Lea and Jon, I've only seen you perform once, but your heart and soul convinced me well enough that choosing to be a Spring Awakening fan before seeing the show was the right move. To be in love with the script, music, and talent that was chosen to create and form Spring Awakening as we know it is an honor. I personally love you guys and wish that you didn't have to go. I want you to come back so I can see you do it again. I promise to give the new kids a chance, but seriously....please come back. You guys are amazing.

A Fan
~Me

A Mr. Darcy kind of afternoon

2008-05-20T21:33:00.002-05:00

So yesterday I was driving home from Target to get the first Narnia movie.
I had to take a detour because a tree branch or something that the road was closed. However, I late found out it was because they are filming the movie Marley and Me at a house out there and the road was blocked. I was pretty much guessing on where to go. I ended up by the new high school which is surrounded by empty old farm fields. There are tress scattered throughout them and the grass is now patchy with high and low spots. There was a mist coming off the field from the rain that had falling that day and the sun was setting quite beautifully. It was then that i smiled. I thought of the scene in Pride and Prejudice where Mr. Darcy walks across the field, hair messy and meets Lizzy who is walking and thinking at sunrise. What a beautiful scene and just the thought of it made me smile.
I know things like that don't happen any more, but I wish they did. THere would be reason for me to hope that there a good guys out there. Even though Mr. Darcy wasn't all good. Still he was romantic and well who doesn't want a romantic who dedicates himself to you in the end?

My internship is going well. Its a great company and I enjoy working there. It doesn't pay so I am in the process of finding another job. It sucks. I am working part time for this lady who has her own company off and on but it's not good enough. The diner hasn't scheduled me and I am currently in contact with a restaurant at a nearby hotel so I hope I get something there. I really don't mind devoting my summer to work. With work and juggling mixed with a bit of reading, I think this summer has potential.

Only 80 something more days til Disney!!! I am so excited!

Well that's all for now
Mucho Love
~Me~

Atlantis: The Lost Empire

2008-05-16T15:09:00.002-05:00

So we vacationed in Atlantis this past week. Its on Paradise Island in the bahamas. It was a lot of fun.

Some highlights:
Swimming with the Dolphins
Meeting Chad Michael Murray
Eating in the same restaurant as Julia Roberts while she was there eating
The water slides
Beautiful weather
and more.....

It was a great vacation! There was so much to see and do. I felt like a rock star staying in the best hotel....even though it was very very pricey. We all had a great time and it was great to be just with my family and no one else...

it was a ton of fun!!

SURPRISE!!!!

2008-05-06T10:27:00.002-05:00

Another vlog from me....enjoy it!

What I Did For Love...

2008-05-02T21:43:00.003-05:00

So I might have used this title for another post but I thought this appropriate.

Today was a good day for me. Despite the stress of packing an apartment, putting together a picnic, and leaving, I found an overwhelming sense of peace in these last few hours of the night. I think this is why...

For so long I have struggling to find a place in Thespians. Everyone has their friends and I just kinda fit in where I fit in. But today I found out something special about me. While other people may throw around the word Love when it comes to friends, I mean it. I would not be where I am today without the thespians. I wouldn't even be here at school.

You see I simply love the thespians. I mean that. No matter how many hours I put into things that might not go as perfectly as planned, the shows I don't get casted in or assigned production staff for, etc. I simply just love them. Thespians is about love. Love of theatre, art, performing, and so on. SO why can't we love each other?

I was sitting down after finishing grilling for everyone today and I just talked with two of my fave Thespians. J Beb. and Andy. I love these guys. J Beb is amazing and very wise, and Andy is my godbig who takes care of me because my big moved to Cali. I was sitting there relaxing and not playing the massive game of Frisbee and I just thought....wow I love these guys. They are so wise and so caring and they care about the club so much and that is what I want to be like. It doesn't matter if I hold positions. It just matters that I love what I do and who I do it with.

So now, even if people frustrate me and act like I don't exist or what I have to say is simply not important, I will simply love them. Because Without them, I wouldn't be where I am today.

Thespians, if you are reading this...I love you guys. Thanks for everything, good and bad. You all mean the world to me and I am going to miss you terribly in FL.

~Me

A Good Bye

2008-05-01T21:27:00.004-05:00

So you guys know that I am going to the Disney College Program in the Fall. Today was my last day of classes and tomorrow I will be seeing a few people, going to a picnic, and finishing packing before leaving for home on Saturday morning.
It's quite sad to think I will miss some people's graduations and such. I will also miss out on the fall musicals and Cru gang.
So I started my Vlog for Disney and decided to keep it up through the summer and then continue it through Disney. Ill post it on here with regular posts too.

Lately I have been obsessed with Disney's On the Record. It was a musical revue but they harmonized like all different Disney songs. It's amazing...I suggest it!

Anyways..here we go...

ok mucho love guys
me

Sports Season

2008-04-30T18:38:00.002-05:00

It's that time of year again. Where my two favorite sports collide.

Philadelphia Flyers are in the Stanley Cup Play Offs...2nd round. Staying in strong and I am so very proud of them!! Even though they get blacked out a lot here at school, I am able to listen on the radio or get score updates via my brother texting me. I love this time of year, especially when we do good. We are playing very well this season even though the beginning was very shaky.

Philadelphia Phillies are just beginning their season and they have had a pretty good April season. They are on a nice little winning streak and I hope that it continues. I think we have a great team with lots of potential. Even so...the Phils, like the Flyers, are my boys and will always be my boys. I hope they continue to do well.

I love Philly sports. It's true what they say....Philly Sports Fans are die hard fans whether or not their teams win or lose. I am a very strong Philly Sports fan because I grew up outside of Philly and they have always been my boys. It has taken them a while, and yes the do choke...but they will always be my boys.

Right now I am watching the Phils on TV but listening to the FLyers on the radio.... life is good.

Your Friend In Thespis...

2008-04-27T07:50:00.002-05:00

So today is a wonderful day!
You'll have to forgive me if I go astray, I only got 3 hrs of sleep last night because we were busy hanging out with our Pledges.

15 of the most wonderful, caring, and energetic people I know.
They will be Inducted into Thespians today and I will finally be able to call them Friends in Thespis.

I am so EXCITED!

These guys have worked their butt off this semester. Some of them have taken on huge leadership positions and have proven themselves to be extremely capable of handling this club. My little is amongst them and I am so very very proud of her. She has worked extremely hard this semester and has plans to continue to invest in the club.

That is something that I think we need. People who are going to invest in the club and make it something more than it already is today. Because right now I feel as if we have gone in decline since my freshman year. I love the Thespians and those that have made my ride with them worthwhile, I thank you! But it hasn't been easy and we have a long way to go. There are issues we just can't ignore any more. I am excited because today we get to pick the new leadership for next year. Even though I will be missing the first half of the year and graduating the second half, I feel as if this new leadership has potential. Those who have been nominated are bright and have big ideas for this club. I only wish that I could be nominated again for something, but since I won't be here...that would be hard.

Today is going to be an amazing day and I looking forward to calling 15 more people my Friends in Thespis by the end of it.

You all should be proud of yourselves. I know I am extremely proud of you all!

Love
Me~

We've been waiting for an hour...you said it would be 30 minutes.

2008-04-20T21:31:00.003-05:00

So my cousin came to visit me this weekend. Nice break from the crazy world of my life. We had a very nice weekend...kinda.

My aunt gave us $100 for food this weekend. I barely eat out...which is to say that I barely eat anything at all. I don't have time, yet somehow I am still on the hefty side. Anyways, The first place we went to was Applebee's. A nice place usually tasty. Well we got our fave app. Queso dip with chips. The Queso was like hard as a rock...we just kinda stared at it. haha.

The next day we went to the all famous Waffle Shop for some tasty breakfast before we headed up to the Stadium for the again famous Blue and White Game (which was boring as per usual). The place was packed, so it was understandable if the service was not so great. But the service seemed exceptionally off. I'm a waitress at a diner that gets really busy like this place. I know when service is bad.
Later we decided to hit up Chili's for dinner. Good Idea we think. There is only two of us so the wait shouldn't be horrible. We were so wrong. We put our name in and said First available. They told us 30 min maybe 45 at the most. So we sit no more than a foot from the hostess stand. We wait. and wait. and wait. As we are waiting we see people literally walk in and get seated. We understand about call ahead seating but this was getting bad. So after an hour of waiting we go up and ask what's up. They said they either called us and we missed it...oh, or they skipped us. WTH? We were sitting right there and we def would have heard them call us. They seat us, cause we were mad. We sit at a way dirty table that hasn't even been wiped. the waitress we got was really nice and really good. But when my food came it was on a plate that was already dirty (it looked like there was bbq sauce or something on it that didnt come off in the dishwasher. Ugh it was bad. We left our waitress a really good tip though.

I guess it was just a string of bad restaurant luck.

Great weekend with my cousin though...very chill. There's too much drama here. I think I created some. Anyways I can't wait to leave this place. A great summer with my fam and an internship...still have to find a paying job. Then Disney in the Fall and Graduation in the Spring. Life is good. The only thing I am going to miss is theatre. Because that's the only reason why I stay here.

When I threatened to quit the club this year my friend asked what I would do. I said, "I don't know. If I quit Thespians I would want to leave Penn State. I can't leave Penn State because i have a year left...so I guess I'm not quitting."

Life. Is. Rough. But we can't afford to play it safe by wearing a helmet.

"Spring Awakening: Causing Sexual Tension In Audiences Everywhere"

2008-04-14T19:02:00.002-05:00

I am just going to fawn over Spring Awakening a little more. I have had some thoughts on it these past couple days....things I didn't mention perviously I guess.

I think my title should be a headline for the show. I mean seriously though, and maybe this only happened to me, but it makes you want to go out, find a sweet, good looking guy and just kiss him. Besides making you feel awkward and somehow, free at the same time, this show has a lot to offer.

I was thinking about certain characters:

Wendla: In the original play, it opens with Wendla's 14th birthday. The musical doesn't yet this play is focused on how the kids are too young to know what is going on with them. I think it is an important thing to leave out. There is no mention of age at all in the musical....we know they are in school, that's it. Strangely enough, when Lea Michele was cast as Wendla, she was 14 years old. She was cast when it was in workshop. Woah. She does a great job at playing Wendla, she has a soft, childish, almost innocent voice. In the play we get a sense the Wendla is a female version of Melchior, but not so education driven. She is curious and wanting. She needs to learn, she wants to understand. In the musical....we get that, but to a much lesser degree. However, we do see that she is a lot like Melchior in wanting to learn things and this is something that might attract Melchior to her.

Moritz: Probably one of the best characters in the show. I really felt like Blake knew what he was getting into. Maybe he really was that kid who wasn't the brightest in the class, who tried but just couldn't focus, who got picked on, or maybe he wasn't. I don't know how John Gallagher Jr. played Moritz, but I know Blake did a great job. To put that much into a character and to really know or at least make the audience really feel what is happening. It was great. Mad props Blake!!

Melchior: I loved how we saw this character develop. In the play it's laid out for us. We understand that he understands but at the same time he is so confused. We know his parent's stance on things is more relaxed then the others. We know he is smart, charming, and the girls love him. The musical helps us see this even more. The songs Melchior sings, are ones that show struggle and angst and even though he is not like Moritz in wanting to die for it, he wants it to change. He doesn't know how, but he wants it to change. His journal, the prop (there are no props in the play written at least), adds so much to that character. Wendla getting a hold of it and having a purpose to find him in the barn and give it to him, makes the audience go...what is going to happen? We see Melchior throw two fits of rage and we understand why. In terms of the character of Melchior, the musical and the play are very similar...except at the end. I will not ruin the end for anyone so I won't make mention of it here. John Groff....I give you props. A character like this requires a lot and you were extremely believable.

Those being the three main characters that I wish to explore, I have nothing else really to say. Perhaps I will see it again before Michele and Groff leave and have more to comment. Perhaps I will see it again after the leave and have even more to say. I laughed and I cried. I was touched to the core. It was amazingly beautiful. This is a broadway show that screams to the world. I want to scream to the world to see it. We need to understand, we need to know, we need to learn, and most importantly the world needs to let us grow.

My thoughts.

My name is Kiiira.... Oh I believe

2008-04-13T12:16:00.004-05:00

So yesterday my stress and hard work paid off. Well sort of. People still managed to piss me off over this New York trip by not telling me they weren't going and then when I called to ask if they were so I could have a final head count they said no...so now the club has to pay more money that we don't have. But oh well.

I was able to see two shows and eat at the Jekyll and Hyde Club...after eating there for the third time, I realize it's time to find some place new...so that's my next trip's quest, find a new place to eat.

I was able to see two shows: Xanadu and Spring Awakening

Xanadu

WOW. Ok so when I first heard about this show I was think, "What stupid idiot would write something like that and put it on broadway?" Then I saw it....first of all Kerry Butler was perfect for the role and so was Chyenne Jackson. No only was the show funny, but the music was great. Two of us saw the show in the afternoon and then a group of people saw it at night. Alex and I understood the story quite well...the people who saw it at night were like, "I don't know what the story was about but there were 40 disco balls at the end." A lot goes on during the show and I think you have to pay very close attention to understand it all. However, I thought it was a really good show and I'm not saying that because I like ELO.

Spring Awakening

I understand that hype. It's a GREAT show. Lea Michelle and John Groff did a great job and props to Blake who filled his role to wonderful expectations, having to follow Johnny Gallagher Jr was a tough gig. I had read the play by Wedkin this past semester and had to do an analysis on it for class. I know the story pretty well and therefore I had some what higher expectations. While the musical is very different from the play, I think they did a good job at following the story and pulling the key points. I just wished they developed it a little more. Especially Moritz. I mean we get a good picture of why Moritz does what he does and it helps, but I think that there is more we need to understand. The relationship between Wendla and Melchior was well played. Very well played. I think those who have seen the musical without reading the play were impacted. I mean I was impacted but because i knew the story i was hit really hard. I cried, I didn't find things very funny (they tried to make it a bit funny).

Set and Lighting and Staging. WELL DONE! The set was simple and there were barely any props. I believe this relates back to Wedkin's lack of stage direction in his original work. What is the purpose of this? Why no stage direction or props? Well I'm not sure if this is what Wedkin was going for but this is a show that you need to rely on the actor's to provide the message, it requires them to put more thought and emotion into what they are doing. They need to make us feel. The message of the actor has the potential to be really strong. The lighting was amazing. Great job. There were times I felt like I was at concert, but that's ok. The lighting seemed to say, here are the actors singing, listen to them, they have a story to tell that may affect your life, LISTEN TO THEM. The backdrop that "disappeared" to look like bricks were removed like a world was falling apart. Great effect. The staging was EXTREMELY well done. To have everyone on stage, to use the apron of the stage, to have audience members sitting on stage, and more. It was all great! I think one thing that grabbed my attention is the "audience members who sang" . *Edit thanks to Erica..see comments* Cast members are seemingly modern kids, not dressed like the others, with mics who sing in all ensemble numbers. I saw this as an attempt to say...This is their story, but look...It is still happening today. It could happen to you, look at the world around you, question it.

All in all I really enjoyed Spring Awakening. I have had the Cd since the summer and the musical is fantastic....but the show is eye opening. I hope others were able to get out of it all that I did.

Other than that, I had a few drinks, hopped on the bus, and slept most of the way home. I had a great time with friends. I didn't get to stage door but that's ok because they were doing Broadway Cares stuff and that's why I didn't stage door, I'm really glad they do Broadway Cares, because it is so important.

The day was great, warm with no rain. Simply fantastic and I was able to enjoy myself....even if i was stressed out about it.

Until beautiful spring days
~Me

She Should Get It Through Her Head...

2008-04-10T22:26:00.002-05:00

I saw the touring cast of Evita tonight here at good old school...

I must say the show was good. Modernized, but good. They need to get rid of the projector screen....it served no purposed and pissed me off. Besides that the casting was good. Che was amazing What is Evita without Che? Nothing. The Waltz between Eva and Che (my fave number) Lived up to and surpassed my expectations. It was good. Something else I didn't like...they cut songs and then changed who sang some of the songs...I was like YOU CAN'T DO THAT...but apparently they can.

Lighting and set design was good....the mural that served as a curtain was very effective. I was hooked from the moment I walked into the theatre. The Lighting...Amazing. Mad Props to the lighting designer...I bet they took a ton of pictures during photo call...do they even have photo call in professional theatre? They must.

That's really all I have to say on the topic of Evita. So why did I title my entry such?

Well....I've been down for about a week. A bout with depression as I like to call it. Post-show depression. Since there are no rehearsals to go to, no crazy cast mates to deal with, I am lonely. In fact tonight was the first night I went out all week. Another thing is...I am having an extremely difficult week.

At this point in my college career I should be doing a lot of things. I should be interning, looking for jobs, making sure my grades are in check. I should not being going to Disney World for a semester. But I am. I am because I need a break. As much as it will kill me to be away from my family for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years, I will have to. I hate it. I'm going to miss a thespian Barn Show and a Mainstage. What they are, I have no idea yet. I'm going there alone, no friends or family. So why should I feel this way now?

Well there's a lot going on behind the scenes. Pressure from dad to get an internship (got one) and a job (still working on such) for the summer to make some money. Pressure from mom which is really from dad. Grandfather being sick again. Trying to keep up with school work. Planning the new york trip and so on. I have also lost another good guy friend and I think that it might just be me pushing guys away with the things I do. I need to feel secure and comforted. I'm sorry.

I feel like a nobody. I feel like I don't matter. I want to feel differently, but I don't and it hurts. I want someone to care and it doesn't seem like anyone does. I'm lost...and no matter how many times Michael Buble tells me "Babe you're not lost" I don't believe him.

So where do I go from here?
I just pray things will be ok.

Until then... me

"I've missed you before I met you."

2008-04-07T20:06:00.008-05:00

CONGRATS TO MY BEAUTIFUL CAST AND CREW!!!! WONDERFUL JOB THIS WEEKEND!!!!

I love this group so much that I was the only one who cried at ceremonies when it was my turn to talk. I mean everyone loves everyone...I just get emotional.

Not going to lie director man surprised me when he got up and started ranting about us...oh and he did. He told us at the end that he was proud of us...but he ranted. It was odd.

I'm super proud of my cast because they were amazing. Mr. Peduzzi I admire you so much..simply a freshman with so much talent. You jumped into Jekyll's part with only 4 weeks to learn it and we love you for how amazing you were. Not to mention that you are beautiful and every time you did confrontation I melted a little.

The rest of my cast....LOVE TO YOU ALL!!!!! Jimmy..I do not appreciate the Act II break nerf gun death of myself...but thanks for the memories. Rich Bitches...I love you and Court that dress is so perfect for your wedding day haha jus playin. Whores....well we never really liked you anyway. Just kidding you all were amazing and I love you. Meredythe I don't think anyone could have pulled of that red outfit but you! Sexy! To the rest of the men in the cast...what can I say? I enjoyed your dressing room more than the girl's dressing room....duh. You guys are beautiful! Shields... sing "those bastards hold the reigns" to me any day and I will have your children.

haha Well there I go proclaiming my love to you all as per usual...I did get the "Hot Tranny Mess" paper plate award... duh!

So SO SOOOOO Proud....

and here's another thing to boost Mr. Ross' ego a little more. A whole article on how much Sta Fed LOVES him.

To my Crew...You were amazing!!!!!! Couldn't have done it without you.

To everyone: Here's to Late Night Tech Week after parties at McDonalds, Huge games of Apples to Apples where AIDS loses to the KKK, Shamrock Shakes, "Do You", Goose warm ups, and asking every day..."What is really behind the facade?"

Love you guys!!!!
SO EXCITED TO HEAD TO NYC WITH YOU THIS WEEKEND!!!

~Me~

Tonight I'll plunder heaven blind steal from all the gods

2008-04-04T07:27:00.003-05:00

It's a dangerous game we play here.

Jekyll opened last night and it was amazing. THere was a pretty good sized audience and we did a good job at freaking people out. TO be honest Ross had never sounded better.

I'm really proud of this cast and crew. We had some really hard times and we pulled this off wonderfully. I mean the original Jekyll quit halfway through the rehearsal process...seriously?

We all hit up McDonalds last night after the show because we were so hyper. Thank God for Shamrock Shakes! I love hanging out with these kids and after this weekend...I dunno what's gonna happen.

THe pics above are:
Ross as Jekyll/Hyde in confrontation
Ross and Alex during Utterson find Hyde in the Lab
and Meredythe and Ross during Lucy's Death.

We have 3 more shows and it's going to be great!

Until I discover what really is behind the facade...

Some Jekyll Pics for ya'all

2008-03-31T14:42:00.005-05:00

Our set in construction, but amazing!

A Little Bit of Bring on the Men

Ross(Jekyll) with the Board of Govorners... lovin it.

Some cast members stretching

These were taken Pre-Tech... I'm sure there will be more this week... The show is coming together really well. They have me with a mic...I'm scared shitless. I've never had to wear one before and now the world will know if i mess up. Here's to not messing up!

Jekyll Tech Week Begins....

2008-03-30T13:00:00.002-05:00

So we have started.
This is what my weekend looked like....

Friday: Career Fair and Interview with a production company 10-230 pm
Dinner and relaxation 3-5
Load-In 5:15- 11:30pm

Saturday: Load In 9am-5pm
Laundry and movies 5:30-2am

Sunday (today): Wake up and relax with starbucks: 12- 5pm
TECH WEEK BEGINS 5:30-11:30/12

And for the rest of the week we will be teching as well as classes and homework.

We go up on Thursday.

Usually it's not a big deal. It's Penn State Thespians 110th anniversary so we have about 95 alumni coming back this weekend. They will be seeing the show closing night (saturday) as a group. But I'm sure they will be seeing the show a few times. This is a HUGE deal.

So this is what we did all weekend. Painted, built, put together, hung, crawled, and more.
This weekend I screwed my hand. Well ok that sounds wrong, but what I mean to say is that I was in the process of taking out screws from these tables and in that process the drill slipped and then it went into my hand. It was a pretty little mark. I also had to crawl under wet, painted, burlap to put down tarp. It was grand.

I did a lot with the set. Friday night was fun...saturday was more fun. I really love that stuff.

I also was able to be the guinea pig for climbing the set and making sure it was sturdy...i love that lol.

HERE'S TO THE NIGHT! and looking behind the facade. Talk to you soon!

~Me~

Why I love Rehearsal

2008-03-24T23:03:00.002-05:00

Tonight Rehearsal kicked my butt. I gave way too much energy and I had none. But I loved it anyway. Here's a recap of my favorite moments from Rehearsal today and yesterday:

Sunday:

Jekyll/Hyde (Ross) *on his knees*: ...and now I'm turning into Jekyll. (as if giving the cast a play by play)

A scene between Jekyll/Hyde and Utterson:

Utterson proceeds to give his line
Jekyll/Hyde: Not now John I'm trying to turn back into Jekyll, let me pull my hair back.

Leaving as the musical director was coming back in.... and not getting called back to rehearsal!

Monday:

Accent Coach....enough said. She was the BEST EVER!!! We had so much fun!

Running Murder, Murder until 11:25....pm.

Ross (Jekyll/Hyde) looking at Liz and freaking her out so much that she cowered behind him.

Bring on the men with the lights down...best ever! Oh and without Chairs.

There are so many reasons why I love going to rehearsal. Despite the fact that they are long, sometimes boring, hard, sweaty, and a killer to the voice after a while, they are great. We have so much fun and Ross is totally a creepy Jekyll. He's nothing short of amazing though.

The next two weeks are what I like to call Hell Weeks. Most people have one and that is Tech Week. I have two because I have TAPS week. Theatre Arts and Production Studio week is when we build our sets. Since most of the cast is not in THespians they really don't know much about this nor do they care what kind of work goes into it (grrr makes me angry). However, me and a bunch of other people will spend hours each day until Friday building, painting, and moving set pieces. on Friday we will build/paint/move until 4pm at which point we will then load everything from TAPS into trucks and move it into Schwab. We will make the set stationary, finish paitning and touch ups...hang lights, finish props and what not. WE will spend our ENTIRE WEEKEND IN SCHWAB!!! Sleeping there, eating there, whatever...we do it. On Sunday we focus for the second time and then we are set to go for the first Dress also known as Tech 1. We have 3 Tech's and an INvited Dress, also known as a Gypsy Run Through. then it's show time. Right after our final performance, we say Hi to our guests, change and then Strike the set. Then we have ceremonies and finally.... we have a party.

It's going to be a blast, but it also means, no sleep, no life, and hard work. But I don't think I would miss it for the world, nor would I spend this time with any other people.

I'll write when I can and post some pictures I took today at rehearsal later.

Its well past midnight and i have an 8am class across campus tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Until then
~Me~

Why do you look for the living among the dead?

2008-03-23T11:44:00.002-05:00

So going to church today felt so good. I mean I have been so busy it's been a while since i've been to church.

So Jesus is risen today!! YAY!!!

It's kind of exciting. I mean the whole thought that someone died to save you and enable you to have eternal life. It's sweet.
Anyways I'm wishing you all a great Easter. I hope you enjoy it and can spend it with your family and friends.

I'm missing my family like woah. None of my roommates are here, we probably would just fight anyway. But I'm alone on Easter and I just kind wish that there was something I could do today besides a meeting and rehearsal.

Anyway PTL!!!

The Prop Shop In Schwab

2008-03-22T20:29:00.002-05:00

Also known as my home.
Freshman year I was assistant props master. THE FALL of my freshman year. I spent HOURS in the basement of Schwab in the Prop Shop. It has been through a LOT! Mess, columns, fire hazard warnings, etc. When I was Props Master for FOOTLOOSE, it was Hell trying to find stuff in there. Not to mention really freaky when you are in there alone. The basement of Schwab is haunted and well I try not to go down alone.

Anyways. Today was SCHWAB CLEAN OUT!!! WOOT! The third one this year. FINALLY we got to the prop shop and after taking EVERYTHING...literally EVERYTHING out, it looks BEAUTIFUL!!! So clean, so organized. I had the nice job of taking stock of everything...we have a bunch of stuff. It's pretty sweet. It's also really nice to say stuff like "yeah I made that flashing staff for Into the Woods out of wood, a camera flash and cloth." Oh yeah. It's home to a bunch of beautiful, memorable objects that we just don't have the heart to throw away. For example, an HMS Pinafore life circle thinger. It's fun!

However I left clean out early because I had to finish editing my Veterns History Project for my Comm Field Production class. Ugh, I HATE editing, but it's going to be a job that gets me something to live off of until I can prove myself in the theatre world.

I'm supposed to do the Disney College Program in the fall, I'm waiting to be accepted. If I do, I'll have a good shot at being able to work for ABC or ESPN. It'll be great! haha

Sometimes College wears me out. I couldn't go home for Easter. I have rehearsal for J and H at 7 tomorrow. Not to mention that we have a club meeting at 6. I would have had to be back here by 5 to settle in and eat and everything. It just wasn't happening. But I do have the apartment to myself, I just miss the fam and the Big Family dinner they will have tomorrow with the grents, cousins, and all. Most of all I'll miss the kids. My little cousins are growing up and they don't even know who I am. It's so hard. I mean Kevy knows who I am. We have this kind of bond because I was the first cousin he saw in the hospital after waking up. For some reason he loves hanging out with me. We have movie hang outs, he doesn't like to call them dates haha, and he loves me to babysit when I'm around. But he's growing up and he barely knows me. Ugh I wish I was home more. What can you do? This is my life. Away from home but home is so much a part of me.

Off to practice vocals and dance...yes it's 20 of 10 at night. So Much Fun!

Inspiring Those with Dreams

2008-03-20T21:27:00.001-05:00

So I posted this on a Forum that I'm in for Legally Blonde. Some girls were asking about Broadway Dreams and I feel like people always give the wrong impression about this. So Here's what I responded with.

Ok so I just read the main post so I'll respond to that and hopefully help some of ya'all out.

I have two dreams. The first is working at or for Disney. The other is working on Broadway. For a long time I have dreamed of performing on Broadway and I have been working towards it but I know my chances are slim. However, If I do get a chance to audition, I will. I was told by my acting teacher that I should go to Grad school for acting.

I'm a Junior in college. I have a year left. I am a Telecomunications major which works on production stuff for movies, radio, and TV. However, theatre is my passion and I have picked up a theatre minor and have been working with the Thespian group here since my Freshman year, earning Props Master my 2nd semester. After a ton of practice I landed my first ensemble role this semester (6th one) ( I go to school with a TON of talented people). I'm going to Disney in the Fall for the Disney College Program and hope to learn some "Entertainment" aka Theatre stuff down there.

My dream to be on broadway has changed. While I do want to go to Graduate school, I think it will be for Arts Management. I want to be a Production Assistant or work behind the scenes. However, I will go to auditions and put myself out there. You never know when an off-Broadway production or a smaller theatre company might need talent. You can work your way up. At least I can say I've performed in NY that way right? I would love to be in a touring company. Infact my friends are laughing at me because i have been telling them how much I want to be in the Touring Company of Legally Blonde. If I hear of an audition or find a way to get there, I'm going to get there.

Rule Number One: Don't let anyone tell you can't do it. You'll never know unless you try. Remember, Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars.

I think a lot of performers don't realize what they are doing when they perform. A lot of stagehands and so forth don't understand either. Those that do, are the ones who deserve to make it. Live Theatre is entertainment. You are providing a service (like any other job). You are giving audiences a chance to leave the real world, to think in a different way, to realize something they might be neglecting about themselves, and so much more. When I first fell in love with theatre it was because all I wanted to do was put a smile on someone's face. I started juggling and I was able to do that more. I started dancing and singing and juggling at the dance time. Having the ability to make people happy, to make people feel something new or something they forgot, is AMAZING. I hope you all can experience it.

I'm a Junior in College with parents who don't want me to pursue any kind of career in theatre, but they know how much I love it and they know somehow I'm going to get there. So have the drive and passion. You'll get there.

~~~~~~

I hope you liked it!

~Me

2 posts in one day! WOW!

2008-03-18T13:27:00.002-05:00

OK I just had to post this cause it happened to me.

You know those little tiny boxes that appear after you try to sign up for something online. The verify by typing these letters and numbers in the box below. Some of them are very sensitive with the capital letters and some just don't care. But they always try to trick you.

I can't help but feel like I'm at an eye exam when I see them. I have to squint to see if it's a t or an f. They have all these little dots and white lines and stuff to trick you into putting a wrong letter or number.

BUT WHY? Aren't you varifying your information? Shouldn't this be easy?

Well the answer is no. Nothing is ever easy. Someone, somewhere always has to complicate things.
Thank you person who creates these little verify boxes for making signing up for something that much more difficult.

Ok I just had to let ya'all know my problem with those... Off to buy tools for my theatre class. YAY!

It was Spring Break...thats my excuse

2008-03-18T13:10:00.002-05:00

OK so I know you all hate me cause it's been over a week since my last post. Seriously though...no one ever comments so I don't even know if you read this.

Anyways I had a great break. Besides the disappointing Legally Blonde trip...I actually went to see a night show of it on wednesday with the best cousin in the world. We Stage Doored Twice. Oh yeah! And I met and got a pic with Laura Bell Bundy. She's super sweet!

We had my 21st birthday celebration at the bars on thursday and well lets just say Friday was a rough day....

I have been working on a comic book for fan mail for a certain Christian Borle. Well I finally finished it last night. I just need to touch it up at some point today or tonight and it will be perfect. I want to send it out tomorrow.

I have to go buy tools for my set design class...I'm kind pissed at this cause like I spend so much money on classes and then they ask us to buy like 15$ hammers and shit. I'm like ugh I'M POOR YOU ARE TAKING ALL OF MY MONEY!!!!

I have finally figured out that yes I want to work in NYC but I don't want to move away from my family...so I need to like find a way to get there without it costing so much money is gas or travel expenses. Of course I will move away from my family eventually but like NYC is kinda far (almost 2 hrs) and I really love them. I want to be sure I can get back if they need me. Look at me talking though, I go to school 3 hrs away and its so hard to get home...but still.

That's my updates. I'll write more as more comes. WE have our first Jekyll and Hyde Stizprobe tonight...FUN!

Until then,
~Me

Omigod you guys...

2008-03-09T16:40:00.003-05:00

So I went for my V.I.P experience yesterday to Legally Blonde The Musical....it wasn't what I expected.
I was super excited because I thought that this was going to be a great day and we would get to meet some of the cast and talk with them and go backstage and all this stuff.
Well we had decent seats for the show, some of the cast came out and talked to us after the show including Laura Belle Bundy, who played Elle, but I didn't get to go backstage and they didn't do pictures or sign autographs (like some of the other groups did)....I payed $179.00 for what?
Sure we went to Spotlight Live afterwards and had some food but seriously? I could have gotten tickets to the show in the orch for $64.00 and talked with and actually physically met the cast by stage dooring, which I've started to do a lot lately. It was a little frustrating.

Of course I loved being able to hear from the cast about their memories and how they came to be stars and all that fun stuff. I live for that kind of stuff. I didn't ask any questions, but its ok. Laura Belle Bundy has some funny stories. BUt ya know.

The was crazy....I thought we were going for my birthday present but we spent 2.5 hrs at Canal St. I HATE THAT PLACE. My mom and my sister wanted to go and it was pooring and there are crazy people there....and I just was sick of it. No one listened to me when I was screaming how much I wanted to leave. When we finally it the heart of the city, we barely had time to eat lunch before we had to be at the show and then we went to the show and after we hit up spotlight live we went to jekyll and hyde club for dinner and then left the city. It was pointless. I was pissed. I thought it was my birthday gift.

I'm going back on Wednesday. I can't wait. I might only see one show as opposed to two. I'd much rather shop and stuff. I don't have money to shop but window shopping is fun!

Anyways that was my day yesterday. I really expected more but I guess you can't always get what you want.

Until more interesting days
~Me~

Wrap Your Arms Around Me

2008-03-07T23:43:00.002-05:00

Lately things in my life have been in the air....
there's a lot that a lot of people don't know.

My dad's sickness last year that he is still recovering from and the cancer they found, that by some miracle they were able to get before it spread.

My cancer scare that is still a possibility.

My lowering of standards because I just want someone to hold me.

and My Grandfather.

My Grandfather is one of my heroes. He's amazing. He's worked so hard all his life and I love him for everything he does for me. He's been sick a lot but not enough to keep him down. He's always full of energy. A few years ago, while I was a freshman in college, he was diagnosed with colon cancer. They found it, stopped it and he did his chemo and was off it for a few years. It looked well and seemed to be fine. Usual energy and everything.
Tonight I found out they found cancer in his liver. It's small and he needs surgery. He's getting it done in a few weeks. That is, if he stops smoking.

I have complete faith that God will do what He wants with this situation. I just don't want to lose my Grandfather. I really really want him to be at my wedding, and I don't even have a boyfriend yet. I've always wanted him to be at my wedding. He's such an important person in my life and I don't want to lose him. I wasn't around last summer, which might have been my last summer with him. I have plans that take me out of state next semester and I won't be able to come home for Thanksgiving or Christmas. I don't want these to be the last holidays I spend with him because I won't be there. I love him so much and just thinking about losing him hurts.

I know I probably sound selfish. Tons of people have lost loved ones and I have too. I dunno. It's just hard on me right now.

I entitled this Wrap Your Arms Around Me because I have really good friends. However, I don't think any of them would be able to see through the facade I put up about this. Not too many of them will care about it either.

It's times like these that I wish I had a loving, caring, supportive, boyfriend. Someone who sees through all of my faces to my heart. Someone who will just wrap his arms around me and tell me its ok even when it's not. Someone who just cares enough about me to see when I'm hurting and to wipe away my tears. I'm in my early twenties and I know I have years ahead of me, but this whole being single thing, just isn't working with so many things happening in my life. THere are no prospects....at least not any more.

The Bridge Band has this song and it goes like this:

Father hold me in your infinite embrace
Can you see me now?
I'm falling on my face
(even now)
Father hold me in your infinite embrace
All I have is You
All I have is You
All I have is You
All I have is You

I just picture THese huge arms being wrapped around a small child comforting, protecting. I know that the Lord provides these things for us. We need to take comfort in Him, but there is a certain security in human arms. I want that. I want to feel that.

So my guy, whoever you are, wherever you are.... please, wrap your arms around me

until sunny days
~me~

Spring Plays Tricks On Us

2008-03-05T14:59:00.002-05:00

So the weather has been undecidable lately. It snows really heavy on saturday and monday its almost 60. TOday its back down to snowy weather. Oh this place...I'm tellin ya!

Nothing too important is happening in my life. I'm trying this new thing out called forgetting people. Jess brought it to my attention. People that hurt us, make us upset, are just not worth having in our lives. So I'm trying to back away and forget the bad things that happened between me and certain people and if they come up again I will be able to work them out calmly. Fun right? I thought so. It's hard around this one person, a guy persay, but I'm going to do it! Besides, he's going on tour over break and i'm just going to NYC. Who needs him anyway.

I want to be happier. I know how to do it, I just don't because I keep myself in these ruts where I just pity myself. So I'm changing that too.

I miss Vail. I Miss the people and the mountains and the village of Vail.I hope I can get back to visit there sometime soon!

I filled out my application for DCP.....Disney hopefully here i come!!! I can't wait I'm so excited!

THat's it. I'll write more about New York after I get there, I'm sure I'll have a lot to say! haha

Until New York!
~me~

Why My College Upsets Me

2008-03-01T14:39:00.002-05:00

Today is State Patty's Day.

I know what you're thinking. St. Patrick's Day isn't for another few weeks. My University and all of the brilliant people that go here got this crazy idea. Let's look back at History....

One year ago Tomorrow: A group of students, upset that St. Patrick's Day fell over spring Break, convince bar owners to open up for STATE Patty's day festivities. Basically, St. Patrick's Day festivities a few weeks early so students could celebrate. What I couldn't understand is why couldn't they just celebrate on St. Patrick's Day out of town? Why did we have to go and create a holiday.

Now This year: St. Patrick's Day falls the day we get from Spring Break. PLenty of time to celebrate...yet people feel the NEED to have STATE Patty's day again.

STATE Patty's day, bringing a lot of money to the bars and liquor stores in the area, is a poor excuse for students to dress in green and drink all day long. It just baffles me. Don't people have better things to do with their lives?

So this is why I am ashamed of my school...along with disrespecting fans of other football teams and all the other stuff that goes on here.

In Ireland they don't drink as much as people around here think they do. Infact, St. Patrick's Day is a religious holiday there. They go to church and maybe they have a few beers. However, it is nothing like the United States portrays it and I am a little ticked. BUt what can you do? People will be people and say, "hey I created a holiday!"

People are just Stupid.

On a lighter note:
It snowed last night about 4 inches. I was driving today and I looked out my passenger side window and there is a 7ft snow man. These two college guys, not celebrating State patty's day, are on chairs putting the head on this thing. It was definitely a smile bringer. I wish i could have taken a picture.

Until Warm days~

46hrs and $6.6 Million FOR THE KIDS!!!

2008-02-28T15:22:00.002-05:00

YAY!!!!!
Sorry I haven't written in a while. I have been catching up on sleep and working on my first short story entitled Comic Book Secrets. Fun!

So last weekend was THON!!!!! It was amazing as per usual!!! I don't know how I made it through, let alone the dancers! My dancer was golden, but my orgs dancers were in need of some help! So I hung out with them a lot whenever I was on the floor.

Some Highlights of my weekend:
Pre-THON ~ Another Amazing show!

Spending time with my Thespians and the Singing Lions

Spending time with my Morale Team

Seeing my family! (missed ya dad!)

Helping not only my dancer, but a lot of random dancers get through the weekend!

Giving foot messages!

Baby Powder!

THON KIDS!!! They are AMAZING!!!! They are really fun to play with and they all LOVE water guns!!!! haha

Spending Family Hour on the floor with our dancers

Hearing the stories at Family hour

In Memory of Those who didn't beat the cancer....they are the reason we dance

Spending the last hour with my org in the stands.

Seeing the Total go up $6.6 MILLION DOLLARS!!!!
The 10 seconds of shock that followed before all the cheering!

Angels Among Us, Your Love is My Love, and Somewhere Over the Rainbow

Getting a THON shout out at LoveBscott.com

THE ENTIRE WEEKEND!!!!!

I loved it!! TO learn more or hear more check out THON.org

This is what I live for here at PSU. I LOVE IT!!! THis weekend was amazing! The kids were amazing! We dance for the Cure! It WILL come because HOPE FINDS A WAY!!!!!

$6.6 Reasons to HOPE!

~Me~

Tomorrow... we dance

2008-02-21T00:08:00.002-05:00

I'm going to preface this by saying that the Lunar Eclipse tonight was the most beautiful thing I have seen in a long time. The sky was perfectly clear for it too!

Tomorrow we dance for a cure.
We dance for Hope
For Love
For Life.

THON is a big thing here. Actually it is the THING here. It's the largest student run philantropy in the world.

I am Proud to be a part of it.

Tonight after we learned the line dance and had our final morale meeting before THON, I realized something.
Grades..don't matter
GPA....doesn't matter
Where I go when I'm out of school...Doesn't matter
NONE of it matters.

THON is the most important thing I will ever do here at Penn State.

I can work on shows until the cows come home. Spend days and nights in the basement of a creepy auditorium building sets and props..It won't make a difference.

THON makes a difference. The hours I spend shopping for a dancer, making kids mail, going to meetings and events. Those countless days in the Cold holding cans on the side of the road, in front of stores, asking people for money. That is what matters.
Making a DIFFERENCE in the LIFE of a CHILD....matters.

Last year I stood for 46 hrs. No sleeping or sitting. I did it For The Kids. For The Families. For The Four Diamonds. I did it because for 46 hrs I could absorb the pain of a child going through chemo. I could dance with that Child, hold that child, smile and laugh with that child and their fears...for however long they were at THON were gone.

This year I am not only doing THON FOR THE KIDS, but I am doing THON FOR THE DANCERS. I am not complaining that my feet hurt or that I am tired. I get to sit, sleep, shower. I am pepping. Smiling. Dancing. Being Crazy. TO help someone else feel what I felt when the total was raised last year and 5.2 Million dollars was raised FOR THE KIDS.

"This is what it means when we say WE ARE PENN STATE." Joe Paterno.

THON, is THE MOST IMPORTANT thing I will ever do....in college.

www.THON.org

See what I love.

So we dance!

Until post THON.
ME

Why I Go To The Theatre

2008-02-18T23:06:00.002-05:00

There are many reasons why people go to the Theatre... entertainment, a nice evening, something different, inspiration, love of art, and the list goes on. HEre's why I go.

I love it. Something about a play or a musical that takes you out of your own world and places you in the world of someone else. Anyone else on stage. You can be placed in the main character's world or the world of a person who only walks out on the stage once. There's something magical about the theatre....something hypnotizing.

Ken Davenport in his blog The Producer's Prospective (see my faves) mentions the LFF. LFF is the Lean Forward Factor. Some shows you go to you just sit there...but other's cause you to lean forward. The first time I went to see a broadway show, I saw Aida. I leaned forward. I thought it was so inappropriate. I couldn't help it! Something was drawing me into the world of the play, the characters, the scene, the meaning behind it all.

It's how I feel about Jekyll and Hyde. When I read it, I lean Forward. I'm drawn into the deeper meaning. I feel for each character. I can relate, I can believe, I can think about what each character must be going through.

Tonight I saw PUSH written for and preformed by our SOT Grad Students. They did an amazing job...however, it was really long. But here's the thing. I leaned forward. I was drawn into everything that was going on. All of these different plots revolving around one character's misfortune. Courage. Confusion. Life. Love. Everything was appealing. The actors were so convincing. So real. I know a few of them from acting class or just being around school of theatre. It was as if I could go up and touch them... and they would be that character who they were. They would be different from the people I knew...someone else.

So it was good. Props to the actors, crew, director and playwright.

I am now in the cast of Jekyll and Hyde. A few girls dropped out and they need to fill the chorus roles. I start tomorrow. I'm really reluctant. Wish Me Luck.

Until another thought~!
Me

Reflections of a 21 year old

2008-02-12T11:20:00.001-05:00

So yesterday was my birthday.... when I tell you that it was done in style...I literally mean that I go 4 hrs of sleep the whole day.

Of course we went to the bar at midnight. It was good...but I drank way too much. Well ok here's the thing. It wasn't that I drank way too much...I just mixed way too much. For example...all I wanted was a guinness...so I got it. Then I had a red headed slut, an irish car bomb, a tequila shot, a sweedish fish, and I think one more but can't remember. Mixing =Bad. I mean I was golden and totally cool. J drove so that was cool. But then it hit me all at once and that wasn't cool. I was afraid to get off my little computer rolie chair. But it was good.

So then i stayed up talking to some ppl. And then around 3 I went to my friend's apt. I feel like I have talked about this friend before. We are more like FWB...very good benefits though he really frustrates me sometimes because he worries a lot about if he is hurting my feelings when he says no and stuff. whatever. I had already been hurt by him and I'm kinda over it. Apparently we drew yet another line the night of my birthday. I dunno I wish he would just man up cause I like him. He's sweet, kind, gentle, amazing at like everything he does, and hes a cutie with an amazing smile. But like I said...he worries a lot and I think he's just afraid. But anyway so i went over and enjoyed some benefits for my bday. He was cute about it...mainly because i was sobering up so we sat and talked for a while and laughed and had a good time.

Then I slept for 4 hrs. I got up showered...missed my first class cause i didnt get up on time... went to the office to get some things done and went to my theatre class. Try sewing after a night of drinking...I don't get hangovers...just have urges to shop and a major stomach ache. So I was like ugh my stomach hurts i can't concentrate of this stuff. But I got through the class. Then I had to run and drop off equipment and such. That was fun. After that I had to get my hw done...cause I neglected it.
Then my little's for thespians took me out to the Olive Garden and made me get some wine...so I did. It was good. We had a great dinner (thanks guys!!) and a nice evening. Then I had arts and crafts week which is crazy. Also, I went to the gym after that. Then I stayed up until midnight to finish off the day.

It was fun. But long and I was tired...infact I am still tired.

My roommates exboyfriend is here again. I feel like they gave him a key. That really really really bothers me. I hate it. He sleeps here, eats here, sits on my couch all day, and in general is really annoying. If he is going to be here all the time he should pitch in for rent and shit. Especially if he showers in my bathroom and sleeps on the couch. Seriously. Ughhhh its so annoying!

so besides that life is good. It doesn't feel any different being 21 though it is interesting to get carded. And so many people did not believe it was my birthday even tho it is written on my valid drivers license. Seriously ppl get with it!

Until less snowy days that i have to drive to class....
~Me~

A Review of Yumminess

2008-02-09T21:00:00.000-05:00

So today was a wonderful day. Simply because I was able to forget everything that has happened to me wed-friday.

MY MOM VISITED ME!!!! Love it!!!!
She showed up at my door with this HUGE Winnie the Pooh balloon and 3 smaller ones, a cake, a bagged gift, and a box of Parrot Bay by Captain Morgan. The Winnie the Pooh Balloon make noise and sings happy birthday!!!

Oh maybe I should explain....

Monday is that big birthday. You know the 21st. So since my mom is a teacher and can't take the day off (we are going to atlantis in may for their anniversary!) she can't be here. She visited me today and we went to lunch and dinner and did a TON of shopping. My mom is so great that for my birthday she got me tickets to see Legally Blonde on Broadway VIP style and meet the cast!!! WOOT! backstage tour too! She also bought my THON dancer gifts for me...isn't she great! I love her so so so much!!!

So we went to Baby's which is timeless and I love it! Then we travelled around for a few hours. THEN we went to KELLY'S!!
OMIGOD!!! SO GREAT!!! Yummy yummy yummy. Right portions and everything! It's classy...but they have a bar so its ok. I did not get to drink with my mom...she was upset. She's very upset that I am having my first beer without her....yes that beautiful Guinness. I can't wait!! I'm thinkin I'll call her. She'll be funny with that lol. Anyways It was sooo good.

So in short. My mom surprised me! cause it did snow like 4 inches here and the weather this morning was ugly. And I LOVE LOVE LOVE my mom so much. I love my dad too...but he didnt surprise me today lol.

Until the 21st reflection....
~Me

A New Life

2008-02-08T13:16:00.000-05:00

What happens when...
You don't get director of a show you love?
You don't get any production staff position of a show you love?
You don't even get cast in a show you love?

Well I can tell you what happens.....you want to beat up everyone.

Today I quit thespians and though you cannot do that...I have vowed that after THON I will officially become inactive.
It was a super hard thing to do because Thespians are why I am still at Penn State...though the club has gone down hill since I was a freshman. I'll miss my friends but I won't miss the jerks. There are good number of them.

You know, Jekyll and Hyde is one of my favorite shows and stories. So when I applied for director I had a plan. In my interview, I couldn't get the plan out. I just rambled like an idiot. I was nervous. I didn't even get props master....great that's something I'm good at. But Now this...

I have been practicing for this show since I started my voice lessons in september. I have been brushing up on everything too. I went to my singing audition balls to the walls. I didn't care. At my callback....I went pretty far. Its a show about sex, lust, and passion and if anyone tells me there was no passion in what i was doing last night...they weren't watching. I wanted so badly to be in this show and the movement portion, I had it down. The singing portion....we sung one of my favorite songs from the show and I was pumped! I walked out of there feeling the most comfortable I have ever felt when auditioning. Eye contact with the audience ensures that you want them to know your story. I did it. And if I messed up a little I got right back into it.

To say I am disappointed is to say the least about what i am. I cannot help that some inside job had something to do with this. There are people in the club who don't like me. Simply because I am outgoing and I speak my mind about things. I'm sorry they don't like me but you shouldn't hold that against someone when casting.

I don't know what went on at the casting meeting. I don't know if people saw how important this show was to me last night. I'm not just some actor trying to make any show without any preparation. I prepared even before the callbacks, being creepy on campus just to get into character.

I quit because passion doesn't matter any more. People are doing this club just to have something to do or to have some fun. I have put a lot of time and energy into the club in the past few years because THIS is what i WANT to do. THIS is my PASSION. Theatre....is my life and yeah I can't major in it....but damn it...I put 110% into everything I do with it. I cannot stand to be taken as a joke. And it hurts.

But I guess it's done. I want to leave. I hate this place. I want to go back to my home. More importantly back to People's Light.

until later days
~me

Angry Young Man

2008-02-02T17:37:00.000-05:00

Ok so I am not angry
and I'm not a man
I am young!

Anyways the point of this post was to do two things:
1. Talk about semi formal
2. review Movin' Out a New Musical

Semi Formal: Amazing Time. I got my head shot pic taken...i mean its unprofessional. But my little for thespians took an amazing picture of me. Look there it is!! haha It was great I danced a lot with her because of course there is no man in my life right now and no man in hers so i lead most of the night lol. However, here's what i found interesting. I had been seeing this guy in thespians...well I'll define seeing. We hooked up a few times very intentionally. Then we kinda had this moment where we were like we shouldn't do this...and stopped talking to each other. He said we should just be friends and blah blah and its all good. But we dont talk to each other at school cause he hangs out with this group and totally things hes too cool for anyone.
Well last night at semi I saw him looking in my direction quite a few times, but he never asked me to dance. So i was like ok strange...
men are weird like that.
Anyway afterwards was fun because there was no afterparty , im guessing this kid went out with his group that is too cool for anyone.
My little and i hung out at my apt and had a great time bonding. We were watching pride and prejudice and this kid, lets call him Lion, had an away message up about how he shouldnt try any more and all this stuff. So I imed him and was like maybe you should just man up. and then he wrote back with this deep conversation about screwing up relationships and fucking this up and something about me and stuff. So i wrote him back and told him he just needs to stand up for what he wants instead of being so quiet about it. and I was nice, i said if he needed to talk he could call me or come over or whatever, but he never wrote back after that. so i'm like really confused about it...

Now for my review of Movin' Out a new musical....

I would call it....Movin' Out a Billy Joel Ballet. Here's why. The only singing, comes from the guy in the orchestra playing the piano... The rest of the show is playing out in a ballet type of show.... so its a ballet to billy joel songs.

ok don't get me wrong. I LOVED it. I'm a huge Billy Joel fan and once I found out who everyone was, i was able to follow the story line....kinda. I understood about there being a war, but they weren't clear about which one....until the end when Goodnight Saigon is played.

I guess the whole thing confused me a bit. There was no talking and so in the beginning you are trying to find out who everyone is and what exactly is happening. The music, lighting, and dancing was great as well. The story line also great. However, I feel like you could get away with making a musical of Billy Joel songs about someone who wants to be a musician. I dunno. Also, the energy in the middle of the show was lacking. I don't know if the cast partied too hard in town the night before or what, but it just wasn't full of energy which also helps to drive the story, especially in dance.

It was not what i expected for a musical, but it was good nonetheless. Props to the leads who worked their butts off during the show. It really was a good show....just different.

until more shows...Coming up PUSH by the SOT

~me

More Things that Make me happy

2008-01-31T22:29:00.000-05:00

So today I had to go to walmart to get a few things for my semiformal which is tomorrow.
Things that make me happy day two:
I went to look for a valentine's day card for my friend and there were these two old men so cute... and they were picking out valentine's day card but they were like 97 cents and they said like Happy Valentine's Day Granddaughter.... I was like in love cause they were soooo cute. so cute. Old men are so cute. Ok I'm done.

Sad thing: I watched 10 Things I Hate About You because it was on TV tonight and it just felt weird. I mean now that Heath Ledger is dead you can't look at him and go gaga over him and be like.."one day we will be married" ya know? It's just weird. Here's to you Mr. Ledger...You are missed, greatly. You had at least 5 more top box offices left. Seriously.

Well On the Line is on and I'm a sucker for Chick flicks.....so yeah.

Until love
~Me

Wet Hand Shakes and Sweaty Hugs

2008-01-30T23:23:00.000-05:00

I think the best part of my day was when I went to introduce myself to the Morale Overall MJD and I held out my hand for him to shake it and the conversation that followed went like this:

MJD: My hand is wet I just washed it.
Me: I don't care (hand shake) Just wanted to let you know who I was so you knew who was interviewing you on Tuesday.
MJD gives me one sweaty hug: Great! See ya tuesday!

I could write a book on why I love morale and he'd be all over it and we just met haha

We had our Pow Wow tonight. It was amazing. Morale is amazing and we are gonna have a great year this year. I hope we raise over 5.2 mil....lets shoot for 6.5 mil

Check out www.THON.org to learn more about the org and what we do. Morale is in charge of the dancers. It's only 3 weeks away.

My birthday is just about one week away. I totally forgot about it because I have been non stop busy and my mom reminded me today lol. This is also why I haven't written. I don't have time. It's 11:30 pm and I have an 8 am class tomorrow. Not to mention i need to get up and shower cause I didn't get a chance to get one tonight.

So just as a side note. I'm finding it weird that I am going through all this challenging stuff without my team of guys to lean on. I mean last year I danced in THON and went to Vail without MDOC around. It was weird and I had to see him and then he said he didn't even want to be friends with me and it hurt. But I wish things were different because there is so much I want t show him, so much I wish he would open his eyes to. Now Semi formal is friday and we went together freshman year. It's just weird. I saw pictures from it the other day. It was the first time we actually went out together and it was amazing. T-Dogg was going to be my date this year, but he got a girlfriend this summer and changed completely. he is totally whipped and she's a little bit obsessive. he stopped talking to me halfway through fall semester and Now I am left with no strong guy friends. Sean is a strong guy friend, but he's really busy too and we only see each other on gym days....which is fine by me cause he's the best gym buddy ever!! But it's weird to do all of this without male support. Girls can support us, but its different.

You know what every girl wants? Every girl wants that one best guy friend. The one who will show up on the night of semiformal, dressed in his best with a rose and a hug. That best guy friend that dances every dance with her, even the slow ones because he knows that all she really needs is a guy to hold her. Every girl wants that guy friend who will smile, walk her to her door, kiss her forehead, and say goodnight and that he had a wonderful time. Every girl wants this because this is what gives us hope and when don't have it, we feel hopeless, unloved, insecure, and out of place. We feel ugly, wasted, and unwanted. We are girls and we have glass hearts that shatter when dropped.

Not all of us are this way. Some of us are strong. We know who we are and we know that we can get by without a guy in our lives. We know that whatever the wind brings we can take it like a man. But somewhere in us there's a bit of that hopelessness. All we want to be is loved, for who we are and what we will become.

I guess I really am somewhat of a Romantic. I sing a song that todays generations don't want to listen to. Maybe someday it'll come back around. But it seems like for now...it's lost in the rap music of degrading women and lusting after men.

*sigh*

Until dry hand shakes and hugs
~Me~

The End of an Era

2008-01-26T23:00:00.000-05:00

So a lot of people in my life think Rent is some messed up musical.....However it affected the lives of millions of people.

Personally, I love RENT. I think the story is timeless and the music is beautiful. I think the meaning behind it, the effort put into it, and journey it takes us on as viewers is precious. It will forever have a special place in my heart.

Here is a video of Anthony Rapp the original Mark talking about the closing of RENT on Broadway June 1st. It's moving...so be forewarned that you might cry. It's about 2 minutes or so.

http://www.broadway.com/gen/Buzz_Video.aspx?ci=559494

Surely the end of an Era will come....but we all know that the closing of RENT will enable others to preform it. I am so excited to have the chance to see people finally take park in something they love in their community. Surely a new era will begin.

Here's to RENT!

~me~

Remembering Johnathan Larson

2008-01-25T12:06:00.001-05:00

Here's to you Mr. Larson!
if you only could have seen how amazingly wonderful your musical would be years after you have passed.

We remember today you and all you have done. This day that you died, the night before RENT was set to open. Without knowing it, you inspired the cast to make the show as amazing as it could be. Rent was for you Mr. Larson. We love you for it!

We miss you too. How talented you were to come up with this musical. To have it look and sound amazing.

Mr. Larson....you are inspiring, amazing, and wonderful.

So here's to you Johnathan. This will always be for you!

No Day But Today.

Sometimes closing your eyes just doesn't work

2008-01-24T22:16:00.000-05:00

So I'm finally ok with everything that has happened.
I took one to the gut and it's ok.

I am excited because this weekend should be amazing! Next weekend is going to be GREAT! Finally I might get to go home. I'm not sure yet though. 3 weeks until my birthday and the dreaded Valentine's Day. Seriously the worst Holiday EVER!

Ok so you know how the store put out stuff for holidays like 2 months before the actual holiday? It's really gotten to me for some reason. I mean valentine's isn't here yet and they have St. Patrick's Day stuff out. Seriously? I need to get over this holiday first. I mean seriously!

My hate of valentine's day is simply because I have never had a good one. My Birthday falls about 3 days before Valentine's Day and it's just the perfect time for a guy to let you down. You hope and pray they plan something amazing and they never do, sometimes they don't plan anything at all. I guess I can't really blame guys. I never really had a real boyfriend for Valentine's Day or my birthday for that matter. But all the couples at the movies, reserving tables, etc makes me upset and cranky.

So If I make a horrible post on valentine's day, you know why. But the weeks leading up to Valentine's Day should be great!!

Until cozy fires.
Me~

Another knife leads to blood

2008-01-22T16:57:00.000-05:00

I don't know what I am feeling right now. In one day my world went from being up....to tumbling down.
I feel undervauled, unappreciated and not good enough.

I found out about an hour ago that I will not be directing Jekyll and Hyde this semester but a School of Theatre kid will. What is the purpose of a club from non-Theatre majors......when Theatre majors are chosen to direct our shows? What happened to being a Thespian? I pledge my time and effort to be a part of something. Then I get pushed aside for a school of Theatre person. I'm sorry are we the school of Theatre now?

I am hurt. Jekyll and Hyde is one of my top three favorite shows. This is a show I wanted to direct more than anything. I am so deeply hurt right now. I feel betrayed. I don't know what to think or what to do I just feel numb.

I guess I'll audition but it's not the same.

I have no words.

oh and I found out that I am getting my birthday wish. Oddly enough. I don't care.

One day I will prove everyone wrong. Then you'll be sorry that our 110th anniversary show wasn't as amazing as it could have been.

Goodbye, Tow Trucks, and 40 Years

2008-01-21T22:51:00.000-05:00

So I have some things to catch up on:

1. The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee closed on Broadway yesterday with it's final preformance. I was lucky to see the show when it came to my school. Amazing score! I'm sorry it had to close. But All shows have to in time.

2. Tow Trucks: Tonight someone parked in my parking spot. Normally it would be cool. But we could not find the said owner of the car. So I called the my landlords who called the towing company. I was also having a bad evening so this just topped it off. I'm sorry that it ended up being my friend's roommate's boyfriend's car....but seriously. I heard that they don't have a lot of money....but that was a nice car. Fishy? Probably not but who knows.

3. I'd like to take a moment to say Congrats to Michael Rupert for his 40 years of Broadway. Yes, 40 years on broadway of entertaining and smiling. This aspiring young dentist first made his debut in Happy Time. He is currently staring as Callahan in Legally Blonde the Musical. I am happy to say that I met him just about a week before his 40th anniversary! I bet it was really special!! Thank you for entertaining us sir!!! Oh and the 40th anniversary was on 1/18/2008...I'm a little late but all the love none the less!

The plans of the Unplanned

2008-01-20T19:57:00.000-05:00

Well this semester is off to a great start in the world of Thespis. Yes, yes, yes. MasquerAIDS is having their first rehersal tonight and is set to be preformed on Feb. 10th. This is our annual AIDS benefit show and this year we have chosen PRELUDE TO A KISS for our show. It promises to be a wonderful time! More details to come!

Despite planning and planning and planning. I have busy jobs for me. I am so excited. I get to plan our trip to New York...and by plan I mean get the bus. I get to plan THON activities and such and we picked our amazing dancers today! I get to plan the Picnic at the end of the year! But what is best is all the unplanned that will come out of it. The jokes and the laughter. The problems that will be overcome. It's fun to watch it all play out.

My nerves are so shot. I really want this director gig. I'm hoping against all odds that our president takes a chance on me. Boy, how wonderful would that be? Someone would have faith in me. I am so excited to do this show. I have lists of ideas and drafts and just stuff! It's exciting! I'm nervous. Sometime in the next two days we find out. I'll let you know.

The plans of the unplanned are simple. Anything that isn't supposed to happen, will happen. However, the outcome of that is laughter, tears, smiles, love, hate, hugs, food, comfort, support, and some of our most cherished moments.

Until less nervous hours,
Me~!

Lying Awake In the Morning

2008-01-19T09:09:00.000-05:00

So why i decided to wake up at 8 30 this morning I have no idea. I mean I didn't even go to bed until 1 last night. Of course it was a pretty relaxing night complete with movie and such, but all in all I would say I was beat from my crazy week.

When I did wake up this morning, i just kinda laid in bed. It was really relaxing. No jumping out of bed to race to the shower and beat my roommate. No ugggh I have classes today feeling, though I do have a 10 hour work day with the Big Ten Network today. So not looking forward to running cables all day. But I have three hours to do as I please before that now so what shall I do? Take it easy.

Relaxation: It's beautiful.

I forgot to tell you guys about my interview for director for Jekyll and Hyde. Well I think I blew it. I couldn't get out what I wanted to say for some reason and I think its partially because the girl who interviewed me scares the crap out of me. She really doesn't like me and I have no idea why. I never did anything but be nice to her and she's just a bitch to me. So am I concerned about this? Yes. I think that her judgements of me will affect her decision to take a chance on me for director. ARGH!!! I have so many good ideas, I have been working on this show since the summer. Ways I would love to see things done, etc. All her bias against me has the ability to prevent me from being director. How can I ever start anywhere if no one takes a chance on me? This is why I think someone outside of Thespians should do the interviews, or maybe our faculty advisor because he isn't around all that much but he still knows what's good for the club.

But alas....here I sit waiting until the weekend is over to find out the dreaded news. Who will be the director? Who will be the production staff? Only a little bit of time will tell. And I'm scared!

Until that happy day....
~me

More Snow and More Bad News

2008-01-17T22:24:00.000-05:00

All of this time I've planed,
I'd be patient, and,
You would love me again.

You'd come to respect my mind,
and at last you'd find,
You could love me again.

And I have turned my whole world
upside down,
trying not to let you go...
Watching you walk away
is like a fatal blow.
~So Much Better~Legally Blonde the Musical

Snow and Bad news Seems to be a frequenting event these days.

First off, my friend. THe one I wrote about in the previous post. Well he emailed me today just to tell me that he didn't want anything but friendship in our relationship. No biggie right? I always knew the from the start but there is always that little glimmer of hope that maybe things have changed. But alas they did not and I guess this means I get to lost him too. Wow count how many guy friends I've lost this year and it beats out the total number of boyfriends I've had in my lifetime (2).
However, he did just email me back and said he wants to keep our friendship. I'm all down for that.

Second I heard rumors the Christian Borle's last day of Legally Blonde was set for Feb......which would have totally ruined my birthday present. HOWEVER!!!! THE CAST HAS SIGNED THROUGH THE SPRING OF 2008!!!! HOLLA!!! I'm SO EXCITED!

Ok...and besides that...I have neglected my school work to watch Legally Blonde stuff, play in the snow, and live in a Tangsters Paradise... HOLLA TANG GANG!!! But I promise to study hard!

Oh...and look for Shrek the musical set to hit broadway Fall 2008. I'm a little worried. But who's to judge?

Love Until Tomorrow,
Me~

A Snowy Day Brings Sad News

2008-01-16T21:57:00.000-05:00

This morning I awoke to snow...and some terrible news.
My Beloved RENT is set to leave broadway on June 1st, 2008. I have only seen the touring cast and if I do not get a chance to see RENT on Broadway before it goes away, I will cry. I was lucky that I even got to see Beauty and the Beast before it went off broadway. That took me paying full price for tickets, which I don't mind doing especially when John Taraglia is wearing something that is form fitting. But aside from that, it was a beautifully amazing show.

WHAT WILL I DO!?! Well I have two chances. Spring Break when I get my 21st Birthday present, a trip to NEW YORK complete with shows!!! I think Im going to go for Three shows but I don't know. It's an overnight trip....my first one. So...ya know we have to celebrate right! JEKYLL AND HYDE CLUB HERE I COME!!! Or I can go during the Thespians trip to NY....which I am planning because I am the awesome Activities Chair! But yeah.... I really hope I get to see it otherwise I am going to kick myself for being in Vail, Co last summer while Gonzo got to see it for her birthday and the phone call I'll never forget:
Gonzo: I got tickets to see RENT with Rapp and Pascal for my bday!!!
Me: I WANNA GO!!!
Gonzo; They are for Aug 6....
Me: WHAT!!! 4 DAYS!!! YOU COULDNT WAIT 4 DAYS!!!! I come home on the 10th....4 stinking days!!!

yeah you get the hint. Anyways that's my sadness for the time being.

Anyways I need a lot of prayers!!! I am interviewing for the Director's position for Jekyll and Hyde tomorrow and I am so nervous. Who ever thought this would be so hard? But it is very very hard! So....I guess I will let you know as soon as I find out!

Until Jeykll and Hyde Production staff list....
Me~

As Sweet as It Sounds

2008-01-15T10:52:00.000-05:00

My sweet semester.
I should write a book.
After this semester I could write a book.

Here are what my classes look like at a glance. MW Power Skating and Theatre. FUN!!!! F I only have Power Skating and a whole day off!

T TH I have A sweet English 202 A which is a writing class on Ethnographics with a sweet professor.
A Creative Writing Class...Which I will def get a lot out of
And a production class for Comm

My production class might be my only class from hell this semester. The others I can deal with and schedule proper time to study and what not for. However, this Comm Class might put me over the bucket with stress. I get that sense just by reading the syll. However, I haven't actually been there yet so I'm not sure.

I have factored in time to go to the gym. Have my Bible Study. Cook Dinner. Eat Healthy. Bum it in the Thespian office. Do THON stuff. and Direct....should that position be given to me.

I'M SO PUMPED!!!!

The reason for this post today was not to talk about my schedule....I just forgot what I was actually going to talk about. But if It comes to me later...well then I'll make note of it and write write write.

Until Warmer Days
~ME

Snowy first day of class

2008-01-14T17:59:00.000-05:00

So today was the first day of classes and to be honest it was a breeze.

I had power skating in the morning. We didn't do anything but go over the syl,but still. It was nice.

Then I had a break so I went to the office to see if I had any mail in my mailbox and I did not. Shocker. haha.

Then I had my Theatre 130 class which is design and production. I have the costume section first and we went on a little tour and I had a spaz attack because you should see all the stuff we have! ITS BEAUTIFUL!!!! I never even knew about it all. So that was good. I really am going to like that class. The second half I'll be with Mo in the Scenic section. That should be fun because Mo is amazing!

Then I pretty much bummed it all day. I went and got my fabrics and supplies that we don't need for another 2 weeks in Theatre, but I couldn't wait!!! I was so excited! I also made myself a beautiful dinner! Salmon with Red potatoes and dill pickles. It was amazing and I even took a picture of it because I made it look presentable. Maybe I will post it up here one day. I know I keep telling you I will put pictures up, but I'm lazy. haha

A discovery I just made a few minutes ago....there are no good Theatre blogs out there. So if you are a theatre/musical theatre/broadway blogger...PLEASE LET ME KNOW! I'm looking for you! I mean I could just start one, but that would mean that I would have to get all in tune with my shit and I don't have time for that right now. Seriously! haha.

Well that's all. I'm about to hit the gym because I hear that Christian Borle and Sutton Foster are infact separated. Even though Christian is rumored to be cuddly with Legally Blonde Co-Star Laura Bell Bundy, there is still hope! haha I love dreaming!

Until Sweeter Dreams!
~Me!

Love.

2008-01-13T20:49:00.000-05:00

Love.
Love.
Love.

What is it about love? Who is to say they are "in love." I mean it has to be two people in a mutual relationship that are "in love."
Or you can just be obsessed, fascinated by, or "in love with" something/someone.

So I have this friend. He's a great friend. My best friend. A friend who saved my butt without ever realizing it. I talk about him whenever I give my testimony because if it wasn't for him I would still be in an abusive relationship with my lovely jerk of a high school boyfriend. But no. This kid. Appears. When I say appears, I mean it, he's a magician. Out of NO WHERE. and saves my butt. Without ever realizing it.
He becomes my best friend.
We go to my Senior Prom together.
We have a blast whenever we hang out.
We tell each other secrets about a deepest dreams.
We laugh at each other and are stupid around each other.
But I don't ever think I would classify us as "in love"

Infact since I've been in college I only get to see him every now and then. But whenever I do get to see him I treasure those times.

HOWEVER

the big However.

He is the ONLY GUY. Who gives my butterflies, every single solitary time I see him. I get nervous when we are in a 2 mile radius of each other. It's Crazy. I mean with Michael, it was like ok butterflies, hes cute whatever. But I mean.....gosh. I wish I could explain.

So lately I was thinking about it. He's a great kid. Good head on his shoulders. Smart. Fun. Sweet. Kind. Knows how to treat a girl. And probably isn't going to college to pursue a career as a magician. However, He is GREAT at what he does. I saw him preform for the first time ever. HE WAS AMAZING!!! I know now why he spends so much time on it. Why he puts his heart and soul into it. It's unbelievable. And it brought me to tears *i'm emotional anyway*. He was beautiful up there. So I decided and not because hes a great magician but because of all of his attributes....that if he ever asked me to marry him or be his girlfriend whatever, I would say yes. However, I'm almost 21 and he is barely 18. So I can't think about it because technically it's against all kinds of laws. Another HOWEVER, his mom LOVES Me. Like whenever I come home and we get together, she tells my mom how glad she is that he and I get to see each other and all this stuff. His family is amazing and super sweet. I love his sisters, both younger than he and so much fun! His dad kinda scares me but he's cool when he's not looking so stern. But the family is great. I'm a family person so that has to be a good quality for me, haha.

I miss him. He's the one guy I know who will always, no matter what, be there for me. Sometimes I just forget that we are so far apart. He's amazing and I wish I could introduce him to everyone I know. Of course, he might be famous who knows. The world might know him before I can introduce him to it! haha

Well I guess that point of this post was just to get that off my chest. I don't know that boy confuses the heck out of me. But he's my fave just the same.

Until Lovely Days

~Me

Chip On My Shoulder

2008-01-07T21:26:00.000-05:00

Love,
I put my faith in love
I followed where it lead
To my personal circle of Hell
It has not worked out well
I wish that I were dead

Cause instead of a wedding in love
I'm flunking out of school
A total laughing stock
Someone he and his friends could just mock
So go on, here's my head
Just hand over the rock!
~Chip on my shoulder~Legally Blonde the Musical

Ok so yesterday I took my sister to her Christmas present. We went to NYC and it was fun. I was a crab a bit of the day. I do have to say. I was tired, achey, and everyone with us wanted to do different things. I had planned this day for a while with places I wanted to go and things I wanted to see and do, but i couldn't do it because I had my mom and brother and Corey with me. Ughh it was frustrating sometimes.

We got our tickets, sweet seats, to Legally Blonde the musical. It was amazing. Everyone should go see it. I was able to wait outside after the show and get autographs and some pictures. We got Kyle's (Andy Karl) and Brooke's (Nikki Snelson) Pictures and a ton of autographs. I was a little upset that Laura Bell Bundy ( Elle) and Christophe Borle (Emmitt) didn't come out. I really wanted to see them. But no angry because the show was amazing and the cast sweet.
The show has amazing songs. The lyrics are great and I like the meaning. The chemistry between Elle and Emmitt was beautiful, which made for a great show. You can really tell how good a show is by the chemistry the actors have with each other. It was good. I am very very very tempted to go see it again. I'm hooked on the music and wanting to go back haha.

Love broadway.

The rest of the day was good. Went to canal street. Ate at the Stardust and some strange place called Mars 2112. But besides that it was cool. An good day. A great day!

I worked today... big mistake. I couldn't keep my eyes open. haha. Well I better get to bed or something.... I'm so tired.

Until another trip to 7th and Broadway...
~me

Where do we go from here?

2008-01-03T22:18:00.000-05:00

This isn't where we intended to be. We had it all. You believed in me. I believed in you. Certainties disappear. What do we do for our dreams to survive? How do we keep all the passion alive as we used to do? (You Must Love Me~Evita~the one with Madonna)

And that's how I feel. I mean kinda. I have come to a realization of many and few. I relay on people to make me happy.
I'd like to give God the credit for revealing this to me because it is only by losing a best friend, a close friend, letting go of an exboyfriend,forgiving, and being loved by a friend who is nothing but naked honest with me, was I able to see this.

All of this happened within a month and I felt like I had no one and I was miserable. Therefore, Christmas was horrible. WEll i mean it wasn't horrible, it wasn't Christmas. I mean come on. Christmas day my brother went to see his Girlfriend and my little sister's boyfriend came over for a few hours. Seriously? Would that make you feel lonely, bitter, upset? This is something I struggle with now more than ever. I feel this is because both of my siblings are younger than me and they are in relationships that can potentially last a lifetime. THey are going at the perfect rate and each person is growing, i can see it. Its like perfect and it kind of makes me sick a little because I'd give the world to be that happy. However, in all honesty, I should be that happy anyway because I am blessed in many ways and one of them being my amazing family. Not to mention, it was just CHristmas and New Years and there is a wedding in July that we are going to and can maybe possibly probably bring dates. I will be dateless.

Tell me something....How do I pick the bad eggs? Do you think God is telling me to stop picking my boyfriends and start listening to Him? I think its possible. However, I am not even close to guys any more. At one point in my life you couldn't get me off the basketball court and out of baggy shorts unless u tied me a chair (never happened). Now I've hit that girl stage or whatever and I hardly know guys. I mean outside of the gay ones or taken ones. Seriously? It always happens. Maybe God is just telling me to shut up. Stop listening to your head Lauren, listen to Me. Stop going with your heart Lauren, let Me guide you. Right?

I wallow. I do that. It's not healthy. So I'm trying to stop it. However, I need to be in constant reminder that i can't do anything without God. I mean He needs to be with my constantly.

So I think it's time for some change. And maybe a little sunshine to every day.

What Amazing Grace has found me.

Until smiley faces
~Me

The Bridge Band. 2007. 2008. Washington D.C. Radiate07. Love. Him.

2008-01-01T17:05:00.000-05:00

So this weekend was a big weekend.
I didn't want to go because I wanted to stay home with my family and be selfish when I should of just been selfless. However, I went.

It ended up being a great time. Radiate is always a good time. THe speakers=amazing. The Bridge Band= beyond amazing. I don't think I would have gone if Phil wasn't speaking and the Bridge Band wasn't playing. Also, Auntie Ann (ya know the pretzel lady) Spoke and gave us free pretzels. It was cool. She's Christian which is sweet and she's Very passionate about it.

A passionate Love for the Lord. Wow. Sometimes I forget what that looks like because I get so caught up in my daily trials. Who am I do cry woe is me? Sure its ok to admit we are failures and we fall. Jesus loves us anyway. But man. If He didn't do enough for us already. How selfish can we be? Man oh man.

I was able to see the Holocaust Museum and some other things in DC. Pray for UDC and the campus there. and hang out with some sweet friends of mine from school.

The night before New Years we had an amazing worship session. I know that 2008 is going to be a year of change and challenge for me. After all, I didn't ask God for the easy life. I feel that I am being called to step up. To go out of my comfort zone and do things I would normally play it safe and say no to. For example, I have been struggling about going to do the Disney College Program in the fall, this means I would miss my last football season, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years with my family. I prayed a lot for that because I need to apply when I get to school. I feel like I am being compelled to go there. To study there for the experience and maybe because God has sometime in store there for my life. I promised to trust God with His plans for me. It's really hard to do that by the way. However, wherever He leads me, I'm sure there will be good things even if I have to struggle to get them. I think this year will be a year of healing, of fully relying on God and so much more. I can't really explain it. I just know it's going to be big.

New Years Eve, We worshiped in the New Year. THe Bridge Band played an amazing Praise Set and man if you could see it. It was beautiful! God was probably crying tears of joy. I don't know that for sure but it was beautifully amazing.

Now I'm home and I couldn't be more glad. I have plans to rest and relax, maybe go see Peter Pan in Philly this week. Who knows.

Until snowy snowmen,
Have a blessed 2008!
~ME

On the Road Again

2007-12-28T08:35:00.000-05:00

Christmas this year was amazing...I think everyone liked their gifts and we had a great time.

I dunno it just didn't feel like Chirstmas this year for some reason.

The day after I had the financial talk with my dad about what i need to do when i get out of school blah blah blah and so on. It was a great talk and I might go to Disney for the college program in the fall. ( a dream of mine).

Today I leave again. I leave for D.C. for Cru's regional conference Radiate. I'll be there until the first. This is the second year in a row I don't get to spend new years with my family. I really don't want to go to conference but I already made the $80 deposit fee. Oh well that's life I guess. THey make you sign up for this thing almost a full month ahead of time and to get the discounted price u have to pay the deposit fee by a certain date. So I did that cause I could not afford to pay 300$ for this thing. And now I don't even want to go. Ugh. I'll just deal with it. Im sure Ill have a blast when Im down there.

I wont be writing until after the first so have a great New Year all!!!!!

Until 2008
Me~

Christmas at Bernie and Joe's, A Trip to the ER, and More!

2007-12-24T15:18:00.000-05:00

YAY!!! It's the Most Wonderful Time of the YEar!

So this past Saturday we went down to my Grandparents house for Christmas!!! It's tradition, I love it I'm not complaining! Well it was a bit more exciting this year. Not only were presents sure amazing piled high and included a Belle Princess Pillow for me, but there was some special. See with my dad being sick this summer and me not being home, it was hard on my family to prep my bro for college, take care of home stuff, mom to run a bball team, and take care of 16 yr old wild child like my sister. So my Aunt, Uncle, and cousins (my mom's sister and her fam) stepped in. They have 2 daughters my sisters age and mine. So we're close. THey did a lot for us, including keeping me up to par via email when my mom could not. Or making that phone call to CO to say hi and send love. So my dad goes out and buys them a Wii. Well.... no one saw it coming. So they get this nice card and the 4 of them are huddled around it holding this box and reading together. Then they open it. Oh Boy I wish I could show you the expressions that filled the room.So much excitement (and disappointment from my family cause we didnt get one). Then another box comes out for us from my dad and low and behold...we got a Wii too!! SO MUCH FUN!!! We set my cousin's Wii at my grandparents house and everyone was playing...My poppop was the one who was the most into it though. Haha hat was a sight to see. So a lovely surprise for us this Christmas.

Last night I went to the ER. It's not a trip home unless I go to the ER. The summer after my freshman year at school I fell out of my door and horribly sprained my foot in August. THen that winter i had an asthma attack in the ER. Nothing happened this THanksgiving, that I can remember. But Low and behold... I was in the ER last night. Another one of my famous Asthma attacks. I swear one minute your fine, the next your coughing and gasping for air, they sneak up on ya. We didn't stay because it was like full and we had to wait, after a half hour of waiting I felt better, the nurse listened to my lungs and she said i was fine and i could go. We didn't get Charged! Merry Christmas us!! I'm a little better now... just being careful.

I worked today. I don't want to be a scrooge or anything but I LOVE WORKING the day before Christmas. People tip so well. My co-waitress and I only did a total of 40 checks and we made well over $100. That's good considering a good day at the Diner is like $80 or less. Too bad it all has to go to my next car payment.

Well tonight we go to Mass and then head over to My aunts to hang out. We'll come home. I'll sneak my sister's gift downstairs and hide the pieces to it for her hunt tomorrow (more on that later). My bro, well he can wait lol. I can't wait for the Walt Disney World Christmas parade in the morning and Christmas brunch with dad's mom and dad. So excited! Christmas is awesome!! Even though I have been a grump because I'm the only one single around here these days and so I don't get any mistletoe kisses, jewlery, or what not again this Christmas. I've been better the past few days.... haha

MERRY CHRISTMAS ALL!!!

~Me~

Oh My Anthony Bourdain

2007-12-19T12:35:00.000-05:00

So I'm sitting here watching No Reservations. For those of you unfamiliar to this show... It is Anthony Bourdain as he travels the world discovering cultures and great food.

Well I love Anthony Bourdain. I am in the process of reading his book Kitchen Confidential, though I am not past the first chapter yet, and I am amazed. He's amazing. It might just be my love of chefs. I mean if there is anything I love more than theatrically talented men, it's a man who can cook well and does it with perfection. While Bourdain's life isn't perfect, he's had is drug use days, I still can't help but love him for his talent and ability have a fun life.

Watching No Reservations, a show I recently became hooked on thanks to my Heroes buddy, I just fall even more in love with him. Also, I get to learn a lot about other cultures. I don't get to eat a lot of things (meat allergy) but I do love watching how different cultures make their favorite foods. It's great!

And now....

I cannot wait to see this movie!!! I am so in love with the first one, that the second has to be amazing. Ok I am a sap for the love story that just so happens to appear in the first one. I hope that it gets continued in the second. I cannot wait for the adventure and the clues and trying to solve this movie. I am so very very excited!!! I think Chuck is taking me on Friday and I'm SUPER EXCITED!!!

I'm taking my 3 little boy cousins to see Alvin and the Chipmunks on Saturday. They were really excited when I mentioned it. Pray for me cause they are a handful! haha

TOP CHEF MARATHON!!! that means I have to go...

Until Mistletoe Kisses...
Me

Merry Christmas...let me cause an accident for you...

2007-12-18T18:23:00.001-05:00

So one thing that really irks me about the Holidays is drivers...
Yes I am a driver, but I am very aware of my surroundings. I think this has to do with the fact that my car is brand new and I don't want to hurt it.

So Sarah and Ben, my fave couple, and I went to the big mall today to the Apple store so I could get the sims and Ben could get the Leopard system. But on the way... we almost got into three accidents. Count em. 3. One was a huge white truck who didn't know what a turn signal was. Another was someone who had no clue where they were going, and another was another car who didn't know what a turn signal was.

Note to Holiday shoppers Everywhere: KNOW THE AREA YOU ARE DRIVING TO. LEARN HOW TO USE YOUR CAR, turn signals, breaks, etc.
DONT TALK ON YOUR CELL PHONE WHILE DRIVING...OR CHECK EMAIL..OR WHATEVER ELSE YOU CAN DO!
Finally: PAY ATTENTION!!!

The last thing we need is people dying because of careless people on the road.

Ok that's my rant...

Christmas is soon!!!

P.S. all I want for Christmas is a nice guy...Santa, do you think this is at all possible?

Later Dayz

Me~

Christmas Movies Galore and Losing a Best Friend

2007-12-17T16:37:00.000-05:00

So I am at home. Sorry it has been a while between posts. I was getting situated to come home and finishing up classes.

It's been rough you know. I finished my 14 page Script analysis final and I have been working on my Comm 410 final which only have to be 5-6 pages long, but I'll be lucky if I reach that. I don't even think that I am doing this final right, but I just don't have time. I am wiped clean from that 14 pager on Spring Awakening (it was a lot of fun but Spring Awakening isn't exactly a cheery play. Lots of death and stuff). I need to do well on this but something in my gut tells me I'm doing it wrong. Rob checked out my first two pages and said it looked fine, but who the heck knows...he does do better on his papers then me though. I'm taking a break from it until I can get Lexus Nexus to work....more than likely on the other computer. So I can find stuff to add. Grrr I hate papers...this is why I am a comm major.

I had that talk with my parents last night. You know the one about what happens now that I am almost a senior and what I am supposed to do with my life and so on.... I cried, my dad always makes me feel horrible about it. I mean I did get an internship and I am doing a Co-op with that company next semester but for some reason it's not enough because I'm only making $8 an hr. Then I got yelled at because they know all I really want to do is theatre and they kept repeating...you don't make any money is theatre. blah blah blah. stressful. So stressful. I just want to do something I love. and to be honest, besides theatre I don't know what that is. Yeah doing stuff with comm is fun and all but its the people that make it fun. I don't really want to live out of a suitcase ding freelance. I don't want to be a teacher. I just want to make people smile. So maybe I will do an internship in Disney. Maybe I will give up my senior year of PSU football. Who knows. All I know is that it's time to step up.

I have been watching Christmas movies a lot since I've been home. Love Actually was last night when I had writers block trying to describe the purpose of the Masked Gentleman in Spring Awakening. I love Love Actually. Great movie. However, its hard because well I have to be alone on Christmas since you know guys are jerks blah blah blah. I wish it was different a lot of times. Sometimes I just wish I knew what i was doing wrong. He'll come around someday I suppose, that Prince Charming of mine.

Now onto the Losing a Best Friend Part. My ex turned 21 this past weekend. Actually Yesterday was his birthday...Happy Birthday ex, you'll never know. Funny thing is, I broke up with him because he was being a jerk and I still have feelings for him. Or maybe it's just the fact that I still feel/care for him. Whatever. ANyway my best friend, a guy, who is also his best friend, who just so happened to get a girlfriend while i was away over the summer (lost yet?), out of nowhere stopped talking to me. I was like ummm ok. Stopped calling me to get coffee, stopped everything. I even bought him a Christmas gift, which is goin right back to the store. I just don't get it. So the theme of the week is my lack of trust in guys because of the boys in Nittany Gardens...I mean come on. Thats just a jerky move right there. Prolly something with his girlfriend. Prolly because I was upset he wouldn't work for me on a night when i was getting three hrs a sleep because he had to visit his gf who he was going to see in 2 weeks. Ugh you can't even call them Men because they are really just immature boys.

So if you are wondering why the blog is called Romantic's Song...it's because I hope that maybe one male who reads this, any male in the world, will treat some lucky lady better than I myself have been treated. And Maybe it will catch like some disease. Maybe there are guys out there telling their friends that what they are doing is stupid, immature, and unfair to girls everywhere. Not to mention, disrespectful, hurtful, and trust threatening. It hurts. So maybe, dude, whoever you are. PLease make a difference. So I know that some girl out there is being made happier than me because he guy is not a jerk.

Until Faithful Men~
(I promise I won't be that long)

Me

Snowy Ice Rain

2007-12-13T08:40:00.000-05:00

That describes my morning anyway. For some reason the weather can't decide what it wants to do before it drops a huge snowstorm on us. Today on my way to Starbucks it was clearly sleeting (ice rain), then it started raining and now I'm sitting in starbucks (I was studying) and its snowing....big flakes, then small ones, then fast and slow. It's crazy.

I have a test today I need to do well on. I was hoping that it got cancelled but no such luck. I have been studying for the past two days. I feel ok about the material. It's only 50 Multiple Choice Questions. But it's the last test of the semester and we don't have a final. I am nervous a bit. After that I have my last official class of Italian. Tomorrow we have an essay exam. 100-120 words in Italian on a movie we saw for the Italian Film Series. The movie I saw was ok. But we have to write these if clauses and stuff...it's confusing. But it's my last Italian class EVER!!!!

My grades this semester....not so hot. I think I might get one A. That is to say if I do well on the final paper. That A would be in THeatre...how can I get anything less in a Theatre class. I love it! I expect somewhere in the B area for the rest of my classes. It makes me nervous and unsettled but as long as they are no C's right? It's just that at the end of last Semester I had a 3.64 GPA and now I'm not going to get that. No way. If I'm lucky a 3.0 which will drop my Cume GPA to like a 3.0. It's only at a 3.3 now. Oh grades why do you haunt me. Sometimes I fee like Moritz from Spring Awakening. I would never kill myself over grades, but I can see where he comes from. If people didn't put so much pressure on us to do well in school, I think we would enjoy it more. We wouldn't feel like we have to be there. We would be there because we do want to learn. We'd do a lot better that way. No one would be forced to think about money and such. We would only think about what we would love to do and we would become successful that way.

I wish it was that easy.

I am excited because I am going home this weekend. What day I have no idea because of the Noreaster...gotta love them! I might have to go home alone now. I was driving someone but if I have to leave early he can't come with me. It would be horrible to go home alone in a snow storm. I would be scared. I don't worry so much about my driving as I do other peoples. It's kinda scary. Anyways I better go and get to the class to study for 45 min b4 the exam. Then I can sell back my last book and work on my final 2 papers. Then I will be done after this weekend. No final exams for me. Just Final essays. one of which is on Blogger!!! Get excited haha.

Until cozy fireplaces....
~me~

A Snow White Kiss

2007-12-05T11:39:00.000-05:00

So earlier in this season...well the fall season, maybe late summer season..I wrote about how every girl wants to be kissed in the rain. Or at least I do...I like rain! And it's really romantic and cute. However today it is snowing.... a light but nice coating snow.
I decided that every girl should want what I will call a Snow White Kiss...not a "I got poisoned by an apple and asleep Prince come rescue me!" and by Prince, I mean the Handsome Prince...not the singer.
Anyway..the Snow What Kiss would happen in the winter (duh) when the snow is falling gently. It should be unexpected. Like when making snow angels or laughing after slipping. It should be special and sweet. If it happens in a snow storm...it won't be romantic. It must be when the snow is falling gently.
That is my romantic thought for the day.

Some extra thoughts: If I am paying money to go to class in the winter...I want coat hooks on the wall....It is very awkward to sit in class with a heavy coat on. Also, putting it on the back of the chair, the floor, etc makes it dirty. Seriously....coat hooks.

I have work but I don't feel like doing it. I think I have all the time in the world but really I don't. I should get started on more work, but seriously...its just not workin for me. Homework stinks. I'm against it. But alas...I am going to college.

However! I got a real job. I am a production assistant at the public broadcasting station. Granted it pasy a little over min wage...but my boss is pushing to get us more money. The university only allows him to pay so much. He doesn't like it. Upon my completion of my internship with them is how i got it and I am so very excited for it!!!

Well I better go study Italian or write a paper on blogs or finish my internship paper...something productive.

Until warm fires (in fireplaces of course)
~Me

Purity comes in many forms....snow is one of them

2007-12-03T17:41:00.000-05:00

Ah snow is beautiful. It coats everything white and some how everything seems brand new. It sparkles and it shines.
It's beautiful!
Today it snowed...while the weather itself was horrible, wind, sleet, etc., The snow was beautiful. It felt so pure. Probably because its the first snow I've seen all year...except in CO this summer.

It was GREAT!!!!

I feel like Christmas. I feel like Disney World. I really really really want to go to Dinsey World this Christmas break. I might go too! For something like 3 days in Disney World! I LOVE DISNEY WORLD!!! It will be my birthday present... SO I'm either going in Jan or May...before or after my birthday.
I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT TO GO!!!!

Disney is like my fave place in the world. That and Ireland and Italy. THree fave places. But DISNEY is the top. One day I will work there making people's dreams come true. I love making people's dreams come true! Seriously! SERIOUSLY!!!! Seeing smiles on peoples faces just awww man its AWESOME!!!

You gotta try it sometime...just smile and say hi to people. It works!

Until DISNEY!!!!

Frostbite~ For The Kids

2007-12-02T19:33:00.000-05:00

So this weekend's canning trip was wonderful!!! I'm really proud of the Thespians stepping it up and raising some money. The title of this post comes from the chilly chilly weather, wind, and standing outside in the cold for hours! We raised a lot of money for the kids! However, some of us came close to getting some pretty nasty frostbite! We had a great time though. THe girls beat the boys 2-1 in battle of the sexes. It was great!

Last night I got in an argument with my roommate...I mean seriously people. She doesn't pay the frick attention. Half the time she doesn't know I'm here or that I've left. Then she has like 50 ppl over when I'm trying to sleep. It stinks because the other two girls in the apt are friends with her too and they all have the same group of friends. THere is a party for one of our roommates birthday's tonight and I am going to leave in a bit to choose a cozy corner of Starbucks (hopefully) to sit in. This way I can get ahead on some work and also just relax. I'll be able to do a little blog surfing and check out what's good and not good. Just kidding, most of the blogs I read are pretty sweet. But still... I wish I could just sit and watch a movie. For once in peace. I tried to watch Hairspray today while I was making my Christmas Cards to send out... don't you know they decide to finally arrive home from Church at 3 In the middle of the movie and make noise the whole time.... Then my roommate tries to be nice after last night and I was about to hit her....it's all fake. Seriously. It's getting really annoying. I have a feeling there might be a HUGE fight breaking out soon...not to mention its really hard to do school work in a place that has so much stinkin tension.

Anyways enough complaining. I have gotten a lot of work done in the past two days. This frees up more time to work on my two huge papers I have due during finals week. Also it frees up time to finish the work I have for this upcoming week and time to see the Italian movie I have to see before next Friday for our final paper....Finally I'll be done Italian 3!!! I hope to get a head start on these things and have them done before I leave on the 15th. That's right...no finals!!! Just projects and such!!!

OH IT SNOWED LAST NIGHT!!!! And I took my Christmas Card Pictures in it!!! It was great!

Until Snowier days!
~Me~

I Keep Giving In But I Should Know Better

2007-11-30T00:06:00.000-05:00

I'm so stupid. Some brilliant people put it into my head that I could ask a guy out and how could he say no.
Well ta da! THe no was said in a very nice way. But still. I am wounded. It kinda hurts. I dunno.

It's weird because I hate asking guys out. It's everything I stand against. However, I saw Enchanted and Disney put a twist on things and then my friends were like "see..." so I tried it.
I should just listen to myself. It would only have gone wrong and it did. I hope things aren't weird. I would like to stay friends with this person. I hope we will.

Anyways...I guess God is trying to tell me to shut my brain up and start listening to him. So here are the lyrics to a song that I have found as a help for that.

Oh heart of mine, why must you stray?
From one so fair you run away
And one more time you have to pay
The heaviness of needless shame

Oh heart of mine, come back home
You've been too long out on your own
And He's been there all along
Watching for you down the road

So come home running
His arms are open wide
His name is Jesus
He understands
He is the answer
You are looking for
So come home running
Just as you are

~Come Home Running~ Chris Tomlin

until unbroken hearts....

~me~

2007-11-29T12:52:00.000-05:00

WHAT IS GOING ON?
All of a sudden I found myself freaking out today. I was super stressed for no reason. I mean I have no work due tomorrow, but I do have a lot of work due in the next few weeks. I have gotten a good lead on all of those projects but I am going canning this weekend so maybe I feel like I am losing time. I have no idea. Its just bad I guess. But then I calmed down. haha

I visited this site for class globalvoicesonline.org and I came upon this really upsetting video about how Japanese fishermen are slaughtering dolphins. It was really graphic and not what I wanted to see. Then Hayden Panettire showed up. I she was like crying for them (she surfs just like me! haha sry that's my Heroes obsession getting the best of me). That part made me laugh a little but the rest I was like ready to cry. Ugh why do people have to be so mean. Dolphins are the most peaceful creatures for the most part. Not to mention that they are beautiful.

Today I have a lot to do. I want to work more on the stuff I have due but I can't. I might be able to for like an hour, but I probably won't because I'm lazy sometimes. I have to go get fleece for my little's Christmas gift. Then I have to get posterboard for the posters for this weekend. Then I have to print out pictures to put on the posters and then go see my little. Hopefully we can put the posters together. I dunno. Then I have Cru and then a top secret meeting for next weekend! Yay for inductions into Thespians! Love it!

Maybe that's why I'm stressed?
I spilled coffee all over my bookbag today in starbucks.....man its just that kind of day. I smelt really sweet all day lol.

Until less messy days....
me

Tomorrow is a brighter day

2007-11-28T11:43:00.000-05:00

Hey!!

So the tests came back negative!!! It was scary to go alone, but I survived and I am very healthy! I feel so blessed.

Thanksgiving was AMAZING!!! My family and friends OH how I LOVE them! I am constantly amazed by them. The musical at my high school was beyond words. I was in awe! I love those kids as well!

I am just full of love! It's great to be back! 3 weeks til Christmas Break!

We are inducting new members into Thespians this semester and that's fun! We have communion for them, which is not like church. It's a lot more fuN! I'm really excited.

I have no insightful thoughts today. Just that my arm hurts a little because a nail went into my wrist last night. Not too far, but still scary. Just missed a vein which would have been fun! haha no.

Until Snowy Days (of which have yet to appear)

~Me

One day at a time

2007-11-19T00:13:00.000-05:00

I'm scared.
Tomorrow is scary.
Tomorrow I go for a check up and I get to ask questions.
I'm scared.

Things are not right in my body. I'm all out of whack. Bruises won't heal and I'm weak, a lot. I'm worried.

Finding strength is hard. Finding peace is easy. Trusting that things will be ok is easy.

I have my theatre friends, the ones who know care a lot. They've gotten me through the semester without worry. Loving hugs and smiles. They can see through me. They know I'm terrified to find out. Even if I am fine, its still scary.

The one thing I am fighting to find a cure for, is what I might have. And then what?

Lord,
I am scared. Please be by my side. I know you will be. Comfort me oh Lord.

I am scared.

Being Content In A World That is Never Content

2007-10-25T08:08:00.000-05:00

Today is beautiful. For the past two days it has rained and that was beautiful. I woke up early this morning so that I could go to starbucks and do work. This is what greated me: A nice warm shower. The sun coming up on a beautiful fall day. Brisk weather to let me know that fall has finally arrived here. A nice quiet morning at Starbucks with a delicious blueberry muffin and a nice grande carmel macchiato. Walking onto campus and glancing up and down the mall to see trees of every color greating me with falling leaves. It was a beautifully breathtaking, peacefilling, sight.
Today for the first time since I have arrived here at school.... I feel peace.

I have been so busy with homework, internship, ice rink work, Thespian stuff, THON canning/planning, THON Morale, and everything else in this world that tells me I always need more, that I forgot to take a step back and look around. When I finally did, the beauty of fall brought me to my knees. Not literally, but I sure felt that way. God has created this beauty that we daily ignore because something better or more time consuming or thought consuming is in this world. Our world is never satisfied. We are always being told there there is more to do, more to see, more important things then what is around us. But stop and look. Where ever you are right now, your office cubicle, in a classroom with 450 other students, in your room, on your deck, in a computer lab, wherever, just stop and take in the beauty. Think about all the reasons God has placed this place in your life. Think about the beauty of that gray wall between you and the guy who drinks 50 cups of coffe and has that horrible looking lunch at work, think about the reasons why you are where you are and just be content. For one moment just be content and thank God for everything he has placed in your life because there is nothing better then where you are right now. After all, things could be a lot worse.

Be content in a world that is never content.

It is so beautiful how God does these things to us. Last night I met with my Morale team to think of a name and we did no work at all. Instead we spent the time getting to know each other. It was perhaps one of the best nights of my life. I got to know so many people who I will be working closely with until the end of Feburary and everything we do will be FTK (For The Kids) or FTD (For the Dancers). Its really beautiful.

But alas I have class and must be off.
Remember: BE CONTENT!

FTK/FTD
ME~

Cause I've been in love before and I've found that love was more than just holding hands

2007-10-09T11:41:00.000-05:00

So i just realized what a depressed bum I've been in the last few entries. Why did I choose to live that way? What did I do to make my life miserable? Because I know that if something is bad in my life, more than likely, I made it that way. Because the Lord wants what's best for me and therefore, if I am struggling with things that are causing me pain, I am keeping them from the Lord. Well enough of that... I am done! Alas! I have chosen to once more give heart fully to God. WHEEEEEE! It's such a freeing feeling.

Ok so it's not as easy as that. It takes a lot of steps and yes it is very freeing. I have chosen to accept and make the best of my living situation. Forget about boys until God places them into my life and Live a life worthy of the Father's love. But we are never fully worthy of the Father's love, we are always dirty and stained but He loves us anyway. Making us White as Snow when we confess our sins to Him. Is He not beautiful? Is He not the studliest man you have ever seen? And even though He is fully man and fully God we can love Him just the same. That beautifully amazing grace that has Saved through a Father's love for a Son and their love for what they have created. Us.

It takes my breath away everytime kids. Everytime.

I wish this heat would die down. I am excited cause it is supposed to be 68 or something tomorrow...thats a good drop around here from the 85 + humidity we have been getting. I will be able to exercise without fainting. Dance, sing, and live without being sick.

Oh but I am sick, we just aren't quite sure what's wrong with me yet. It's going to be ok though. I trust that I will be ok. The Lord has done wonderful things in and through me. He will take care of me. He's my rock on which I stand.

Oh what fun I have been having! Dance parties, Juggling, Hayrides, Singing, Bible Study, and Acting I couldn't ask for more. But we all become blindsided by our problems and they take over us. THey cause us pain and make us lazy. That will be no more of me. I have choosen action against the problems of my life. I am so excited to start!

Until a rainy day!!!!!
As always.
Me

keepin thoughts part 2

2007-10-01T22:46:00.001-05:00

Sometimes I think of a perfect day with many inperfections. Of getting lost on they way to our destinatio and of being the only one able to calm you down. I think of the show and the song. The Jekyll and Hyde club and the creepy alien thing. Of bad bathroom stories and the filming of Spiderman 3. I think about riding home with my head on your shoulder. And about your mom giving me directions. I think about the stars, the smile, my hands in yours and the words you couldn't say. I think of the line; "This is how I know, this is what I see, this is love to me." and I think about how with the words you couldn't say, I ruined it all. It's a memory I can't seem to erase.

more thoughts to be kept. Sometimes I wonder why I just cant erase that stupid memory.

Keepin thoughts

2007-09-30T21:32:00.001-05:00

You know when you have feelings and things just come out?
I just wrote this to a friend:
Dear friend, can I call you friend? Are we friends any more? I've seemed to have lost you and now I can't find you. I was crazy once and you never left now I'm sane and you've seemed to have gone. Dear friend, can I call you friend? Are you there, do you hear me? I miss you sometimes, like when I used to cry and you'd be there. When I said I was in love and died all in the same summer. Dear friend, can I call you friend? Did I do something wrong or have you just replaced me with a million others. Dear friend, I miss you and I don't want to lose you like I lost the other. Dear friend, can I call you friend? Are you there?

You know what's sad? It's the truth. Something really funny I have observed in the past two years. When people live with other people, they are very easily influenced....they become different and then they are gone. Just like that.

I saw him today and I Just kinda smiled and waved because he smiled and waved at me but on the inside I died. I died because everytime I see him my heart aches for him. Not because I learned what it was like to have a perfect day with many imperfections, but because he is lost. And I ache because he looked me in the face and said, "I don't care about you and I never cared about you. I don't want a friendship and the relationship we had wasn't real." I die inside because I want for him so badly to know Christ and be the man I know he can be. His heart is so beautiful but I have not seen any beauty lately. He doubts a lot, its always been that way. He doesn't know how to trust and he's not willing to learn and my heart aches for him. It aches day and night because he lost something that he will never get back and I lost someone who I cared about very deeply. And do you know what I don't understand? I don't understand why he thinks he can smile and wave at me, when he looked me in the eyes and said, "I don't want a friendship with you." And my heart aches for him.

Anyways aside from the monologue there...things are ok. A little rough around the edges but thats life. Beauty in the making by the grace of God through trials created by Him to bring me closer to HIs heart. It's a blessing rather than a curse. I have faith that things will be ok in the end. Because our hearts are bigger than our toughts.

until a crisp fall day...