Being Happy in today's world counts for nothing

She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause
he's the reason for the tear drops on my guitar

"I haven't been thinking about us. I needed not to give it not or else I would have given it too much thought."~Lorelai Gilmore

Today I had a fun day at the beach with my parents,aunt, unc, and cousin. It was nice to go and relax for the day especially with everything that is going on in our lives right now. However, what I got was a little more than I needed. The shore house is full of memories from a pretty amazing time i had last summer. And even though I have every reason to hate those memories because they were all pretty much fake, as much as i have the right to hate the person they were with, and I should just forget everything. But how can I forget a time when I was so happy? When waking up wasn't so hard because aside from God, I knew or thought I knew that I meant something to someone. Well down the beach I was happy as happy can be and we had a wonderful time! Star gazing, midnight walking on the beach, the game of Life, watchin the morning appear on the deck with some tea, and just hanging out. I'll admit it, I cried and almost threw up on the way home today. I mean Im not hungry or anything right now. I feel like I felt when I broke up with the kid. And maybe if I didn't break up with him we would still be together and growing in our faith and just being amazing. But then again maybe we would be miserable. I don't know why things happen, but God plans it that way. And the kid doesn't care about me any more so it doesn't really matter what I think about that (he said so himself to me). It just sucks with everything that is goin on.

My dad is sick, he gets operated on when im in vail and who knows the toll its going to take on my family. I won't be here so it will be hard on me.
Me going to Vail is hard in itself. Im going way out of my comfort zone but this is all Gods master plan for me. I'm just following the leader so to speak.

Things will get better, butfor now....my heart goes out to this kid who is super lost and even though he always said he didn't want to grow up like his dad, I see similarities between him and the things he told me about his dad. Like father, like son I guess.

until Vail!