Wrap Your Arms Around Me

Lately things in my life have been in the air....
there's a lot that a lot of people don't know.

My dad's sickness last year that he is still recovering from and the cancer they found, that by some miracle they were able to get before it spread.

My cancer scare that is still a possibility.

My lowering of standards because I just want someone to hold me.

and My Grandfather.

My Grandfather is one of my heroes. He's amazing. He's worked so hard all his life and I love him for everything he does for me. He's been sick a lot but not enough to keep him down. He's always full of energy. A few years ago, while I was a freshman in college, he was diagnosed with colon cancer. They found it, stopped it and he did his chemo and was off it for a few years. It looked well and seemed to be fine. Usual energy and everything.
Tonight I found out they found cancer in his liver. It's small and he needs surgery. He's getting it done in a few weeks. That is, if he stops smoking.

I have complete faith that God will do what He wants with this situation. I just don't want to lose my Grandfather. I really really want him to be at my wedding, and I don't even have a boyfriend yet. I've always wanted him to be at my wedding. He's such an important person in my life and I don't want to lose him. I wasn't around last summer, which might have been my last summer with him. I have plans that take me out of state next semester and I won't be able to come home for Thanksgiving or Christmas. I don't want these to be the last holidays I spend with him because I won't be there. I love him so much and just thinking about losing him hurts.

I know I probably sound selfish. Tons of people have lost loved ones and I have too. I dunno. It's just hard on me right now.

I entitled this Wrap Your Arms Around Me because I have really good friends. However, I don't think any of them would be able to see through the facade I put up about this. Not too many of them will care about it either.

It's times like these that I wish I had a loving, caring, supportive, boyfriend. Someone who sees through all of my faces to my heart. Someone who will just wrap his arms around me and tell me its ok even when it's not. Someone who just cares enough about me to see when I'm hurting and to wipe away my tears. I'm in my early twenties and I know I have years ahead of me, but this whole being single thing, just isn't working with so many things happening in my life. THere are no prospects....at least not any more.

The Bridge Band has this song and it goes like this:

Father hold me in your infinite embrace
Can you see me now?
I'm falling on my face
(even now)
Father hold me in your infinite embrace
All I have is You
All I have is You
All I have is You
All I have is You

I just picture THese huge arms being wrapped around a small child comforting, protecting. I know that the Lord provides these things for us. We need to take comfort in Him, but there is a certain security in human arms. I want that. I want to feel that.

So my guy, whoever you are, wherever you are.... please, wrap your arms around me

until sunny days
~me~