Where do we go from here?

This isn't where we intended to be. We had it all. You believed in me. I believed in you. Certainties disappear. What do we do for our dreams to survive? How do we keep all the passion alive as we used to do? (You Must Love Me~Evita~the one with Madonna)

And that's how I feel. I mean kinda. I have come to a realization of many and few. I relay on people to make me happy.
I'd like to give God the credit for revealing this to me because it is only by losing a best friend, a close friend, letting go of an exboyfriend,forgiving, and being loved by a friend who is nothing but naked honest with me, was I able to see this.

All of this happened within a month and I felt like I had no one and I was miserable. Therefore, Christmas was horrible. WEll i mean it wasn't horrible, it wasn't Christmas. I mean come on. Christmas day my brother went to see his Girlfriend and my little sister's boyfriend came over for a few hours. Seriously? Would that make you feel lonely, bitter, upset? This is something I struggle with now more than ever. I feel this is because both of my siblings are younger than me and they are in relationships that can potentially last a lifetime. THey are going at the perfect rate and each person is growing, i can see it. Its like perfect and it kind of makes me sick a little because I'd give the world to be that happy. However, in all honesty, I should be that happy anyway because I am blessed in many ways and one of them being my amazing family. Not to mention, it was just CHristmas and New Years and there is a wedding in July that we are going to and can maybe possibly probably bring dates. I will be dateless.

Tell me something....How do I pick the bad eggs? Do you think God is telling me to stop picking my boyfriends and start listening to Him? I think its possible. However, I am not even close to guys any more. At one point in my life you couldn't get me off the basketball court and out of baggy shorts unless u tied me a chair (never happened). Now I've hit that girl stage or whatever and I hardly know guys. I mean outside of the gay ones or taken ones. Seriously? It always happens. Maybe God is just telling me to shut up. Stop listening to your head Lauren, listen to Me. Stop going with your heart Lauren, let Me guide you. Right?

I wallow. I do that. It's not healthy. So I'm trying to stop it. However, I need to be in constant reminder that i can't do anything without God. I mean He needs to be with my constantly.

So I think it's time for some change. And maybe a little sunshine to every day.

What Amazing Grace has found me.

Until smiley faces
~Me