Keepin thoughts

You know when you have feelings and things just come out?
I just wrote this to a friend:
Dear friend, can I call you friend? Are we friends any more? I've seemed to have lost you and now I can't find you. I was crazy once and you never left now I'm sane and you've seemed to have gone. Dear friend, can I call you friend? Are you there, do you hear me? I miss you sometimes, like when I used to cry and you'd be there. When I said I was in love and died all in the same summer. Dear friend, can I call you friend? Did I do something wrong or have you just replaced me with a million others. Dear friend, I miss you and I don't want to lose you like I lost the other. Dear friend, can I call you friend? Are you there?

You know what's sad? It's the truth. Something really funny I have observed in the past two years. When people live with other people, they are very easily influenced....they become different and then they are gone. Just like that.

I saw him today and I Just kinda smiled and waved because he smiled and waved at me but on the inside I died. I died because everytime I see him my heart aches for him. Not because I learned what it was like to have a perfect day with many imperfections, but because he is lost. And I ache because he looked me in the face and said, "I don't care about you and I never cared about you. I don't want a friendship and the relationship we had wasn't real." I die inside because I want for him so badly to know Christ and be the man I know he can be. His heart is so beautiful but I have not seen any beauty lately. He doubts a lot, its always been that way. He doesn't know how to trust and he's not willing to learn and my heart aches for him. It aches day and night because he lost something that he will never get back and I lost someone who I cared about very deeply. And do you know what I don't understand? I don't understand why he thinks he can smile and wave at me, when he looked me in the eyes and said, "I don't want a friendship with you." And my heart aches for him.

Anyways aside from the monologue there...things are ok. A little rough around the edges but thats life. Beauty in the making by the grace of God through trials created by Him to bring me closer to HIs heart. It's a blessing rather than a curse. I have faith that things will be ok in the end. Because our hearts are bigger than our toughts.

until a crisp fall day...

"And when everyone says it can't be done, Ducks Fly Together."

The Quote is from Mighty Ducks D2. Great movie....

So this weekend besdies having an awesome football game....I pretty much watched movies. I Think the total was 7. This is because I had one of the hardest weekends probably ever.

Friday night I hit a super low point. This semester has been crazy for the first two weeks and everyone is busy over their necks. I have not gotten to hang out with my friends that much and I've been hurt by them even more. The fact is, I ask my friends to let me know if anything is going on and they always go out, but no one ever tells me. Well ok, I think to myself something is wrong. Friday night I would say I caught a semi heat/depression bug because i was real real low and it was hard.

Saturday was that amazing football game I was telling you about. I love it when our boys win! I always went and hung out with a friend at the student center and we just chilled. It was sweet.

Sunday: well my hometown boys lost. It was a really sad day. I had a few of the guys over and I cooked for them and we watched the game. Then I did my homework, but I finished it all early so I had nothing to do but watch movies. All my friends had homework and stuff so no one wanted to hang out. It was kinda sad.

Now we are into the school week. I start my internship today. I'm excited, but it might mean that I have to miss out on BIble Study. Thats a rough one for me. However on wednesday I have the Bible study that I am co leading so that is good. I can't wait to hang out with those girls. They are so much fun!

Well I must be off to class now. I hope everything is well whever you are!

Until colder days....