College...."This is real life."

Thanks to J.Bott for: "This is real life."

My first two years of college have been blind eye experiences. I go to a top party school and I have never really been introduced into that setting too heavily. I do hang out with theatre kids and well that setting is almost a given. But I have had gracious friends who respect me for me.

This year being year three my eyes have been opened. The other day I went to my 10 10 class and sat next to a kid who it seems had drank a lot the pervious night or early that morning and he smelt so badly of alcohol that i wanted to up chuck. But its true. People have had a party every night this week here at school. I mean talk about being excited for school.... My heart really goes out to those people who live their lives at parties. Who have nothing but parties to look forward to or getting drunk. Is life really all that bad?

Another thing...I've been becoming and overachiver. I am swamping myself. I think its just to get away from some things that I will have to face eventally mainly my living situation. Hopefully after this week things will be slower.

Finally, I am tired of giving my all for certain people/clubs and getting walked all over. I've come to learn that it doesnt matter how much you love something or even if you are decent at what you do...its all about who is popular, who holds the most in the club, and who is friends with the Heads. It's really quite upsetting because I am ready to leave a group that is so dear to my heart because its what I love to do, and then I would not have a place to enjoy what i love to do. I hate the situation I'm in and I'm trying to work it out. We will see how this semester goes.

Until sunshinny days... and less humid ones at that.

Wanna find you there wanna hold on tight

So after watching High School Musical 2, which was really good, I've decided that I want something like this. I want a guy who will stand out in the rain and kiss me. One who will realize when he is wrong and make up for it. One who will try and make every day special.

I pray that God will send him when we are both ready and I wish that would be soon, but something tells me it's going to be a while. Good guys these days are hard to come by.

I leave for school on Monday and I am excited but I'm really upset that I've only had a week with my family. I know this is what real life is going to look like and that I have to cherish every moment with them. So I will, I just wished my dad and my brother felt the same way. I know things will be ok, everyting turns out ok.

Until Longer days....

"I miss my friend"

To put is shortly and nicely some of my friends have strayed. I miss them. They have become different since I left for Colorado and now that I have returned I am worried. Of course there are those who have stood with me by and by. No matter how far away they go, they are always there for me. But I am slowly finding out that others just dont care. It makes me upset. I thought some of these people were my closest friends. I guess thats the way the cookie crumbles in life. People come and go. I am going to miss my friends.

Being home from Colorado is great. I went for a run today and it felt good. I might consider one again tomorrow. Tomorrow night i Have date night with Paul Michael. I miss him its been just about 5 months since I've last seen him. We are grabing some dinner and I can't wait to tell him about Colorado and to see his reaction when I order a salad. I miss my magical magician friend Paul and I am so excited to spend time with him.

I am hoping to go to Hershey Park before heading back up to school on Monday. This should be interesting, finding people to go is hard.

I got a new car and we named it Sharpay the Escape. My best friend Sarah thinks that its a boy car I still think its a girl car but how do you tell?

GOd has been great to me and Im so excited to see what plans He has in store. Next week is Raystown and I am excited excited for it.

I must be off. I am tired and tomorrow we are going to IKEA for some apt things and cooking supplies! I AM SO HAPPY TO BE HOME!!!!

Dad update: Hes great! He is slimming and his meds are working well. Hopefully he will be fully recovered by Christmas but we will keep praying.

Until colder days...

Put you're tiny hand in mine, look how I hold it, look how we shine.

Today I watched Boy Meets World for the first time in a long time! Its the first time I've really watched tv out here. It was the college years ep. and It was a test of trust between Cory and Tapanga. Cory took of his ring after he went to a club where girls hardly wear anything yet in the end he realized that he just needed to know that Tapanga would trust him always but he needed to realize as well that she had feelings.
I kept thinking, I want that. I want a love like that. A love that is never ending, unfailing. I want a relationship like Cory and Tapanga.

I went to ballet tonight. I realized that my future Husband better love the ballet well at least like it because I LOVE IT! Its so beautiful and passionate. If I could use my left foot more I'd take it back up but alas the sprain is still healing and the tendons will never be right. Anyway the point is its beautiful. I love art and the arts.

I dunno guys. I Just keep thinking....it would be nice to be persued.... so I'll wait until it happens. Until then...ah well.

Long time

Hey Kids
It's been a long time since my last post. I realize this and ask you not to worry about me. I am alive and safe. There has just been a lot going on around here lately and I've barely had time to check my email let alone do everything else. I still have to send out my support team email and update them.

Some things that have gone on:

Working on the project video
Went to Cru Staff Conference for the day on Sat
Went in a waterfall on sunday
Things have just been a little bit crazy during the week with work and meetings and such.
I am loving my time in Vail

I cannot wait until I get home. I might be going to Atlantis when I get home in the summer. Depends on if we get the passports in time and everything.

My dad is back at work Praise God! He seems to be doing so much better but prayers are always good.

Please keep praying for our project, our coworkers, the Vail Valley, Safe trips home, and life after Vail. Also pray for my little bro who is headed off to college soon. Not to mention me during my work day because well it is a bit stressful.

Thank you for keeping me in your prayers and Let me know if you have any special prayer requests.

Until longer days!

You're the perfect thing to say

Loving the song Everything by Michael Buble. Mainly because I cannot wait until I make some guy feel that way one day. I pray he's man enough to tell me that I mean the world to him. It also makes me want to wait even more for the one man that God has for me in my life. I love love love that song.

I went White Water Rafting today. It was AMAZING!!!!! The guys were out numbered by the girls but it was all good. We had a blast. I was the first one who got to jump out and swim. Others were pushed in before me though. The guys pushed me in twice because they knew I wanted to be in the water! haha. They were funny. WE hit some sweet rapids and got soaked. We wetn swimming and did flips off te raft. WE pulled over for some Lemonade with the other groups. I helped some wee ones grab some lemonade because they were just too cute. Then we kept going and going. It was sweet. For the last set of rapids 4 of us jumped out and swam them. I was one of the 4. It was AWESOME!!! I had never swam rapids before and I can't wait to do it again! I think most of all though we got to be examples of Christ. We had a blast.

It saddens my heart to think that I know people who are missing out on this amazing journey with Christ. Sometimes it's really hard to understand why in the world peope would just turn from the Lord after you have seen and heard of all His amazing works. My heart hurts just thinking about it. Being out here has opened my eyes to so many things. I can not wait until I get back to school and have my Bible Study girls. I have so much to tell them. I can't wait to bring Christ back to campus. Just by telling people of everything we have done, seen, and heard out here. God has been amazing these past weeks and I am sad to know i have to leave in 4 weeks. However, I know my work is not finished. There is so much that is to be accomplished. The Lord has been so faithful and well He's really just been HImself but I think for the first time I am really really seeing what it's like. I am awed, amazed, inspired, and complete. Honestly, people don't know what they are missing out on!

Then I Did

So its been a little over a week since staff left. I have been insanely busy infact, I had a stress attack on Thursday night. It was rough. Since the last time I wrote nothing really happened.

Today we went ziplining. It was pretty sweet. my group was the first group of the vsp to head out and we rocked it. I almost killed Tommy and then AShley almost finished off the job. It was funny haha. But everyone is ok!!! Last night I bought a Stetson Cowboy hat. It cost me some dollars. But I spent them nontheless. I even have my initals branded in them.

I made plans to go horseback riding today but those fell through. I'm hoping to go next Friday. I really don't like spending this money. I mean like horseback riding yeah but we are planning on going Rafting tomorrow and its like 40 for 2 rides. Im not sure its really worth the money. Im a little leary bout it.

The project video may cause me some stress. People just don't listen and so I have a feeling that Im not going to get anything done. I have already gotten the layout finished and Im working on pictures for the picture video. WE only have 4 weeks left...kinda scary.

THis week is going to be very trying for me. My family is on the big family vacation to the beach with my cousins and grandparents. I miss them a lot and i love this vacation but I can't be there. It hurts a bit but I know there is a reason for me being here. I Have been reading through Genesis and I have just discavered so much more things then I have before. It's pretty sweet. Anyways I should get going. I have a lot of work to do!

Until unstressful times

Sometimes you just want to wish harder

And just pray that reality never had to settle in.

Staff leaves tonight. Its hard on me because I feel like I was just getting to know them and some I hardly got to know at all. It's really hard. Especially because I have made some huge decisions as of late and I really really just want some awesome guidance. Not that I won't get it from these amazing people out here, just sometimes you need someone who's been there to throw it into perspective. It's rough. I know God wil do amazing things through and through. I compeletly trust HIm.

Other news...I made it to the top of 14,265Ft mountain yesterday July 4th. It was Mt. Quandry. It was the hardest thing I've ever done...seriously. Thanks to the amazing people who helped me reach it. Also, to the Lord who answered so many prayers and who I just wanted to Glorify by reaching the top. Gosh things are going to be so weird now. After the mountain we headed into Denver and saw Ratatoullie. I loved it as per usual. Well it wasn't amazing but it was a fairly good movie. Then we came back and I had trouble sleeping. It was rough. Lots of things are rough right now. But I'll get through them.

I Have committed myself to what I know I Need to do. I hope in the process I come across amazing lesson plans for BIble Study and also have some questions for ms. KQ when we get back to school. I am so excited to learn and grow with her again.

Lord, In everything I have accomplished this summer please, please know that I want to Glorify You and only You. My accomplishments are nothing without You! I am so thankful for the people You have placed in my life this summer and cannot wait to continue. I love You Lord.

He really is amazing!

Until later dayz

All this feels strange and untrue
and I won't waste a minute without You

"Do You Trust Me?"

"What?"
"Do You trust me?"

That set of quotes is from Disney's Aladdin. They are spoken right before Jasmine takes Aladdin's hand and they fly off on a magic carpet ride.

Think of that question.

"Do You Trust Me?"

How hard is it to place your trust in someone? For me, especially with guys, it is a hard subject. I have been hurt way too many times to place complete trust in guys. So why am I writing this small entry about trust?

This weekend I was stretched beyond my limits with the trust factor. God took it upon Himself to make sure that my weekend was full of challenging things to keep me occupied and to start my trust again. With the Great Adventure Race as stated previously in the entry before this....and even more so when we went caving yesterday. I had to completely trust more than one guy and a few girls as well. It was really well but I was seriously really scared.

When you are in a small cave with lots of people there's not too much to worry about. However, I was just plain freaking out and Ben was amazing in his help to me. Totally gave up running around the cave with all the other guys. He was a warrior and I am so thankful for him but it was really hard to keep trusting him on the way back. I remember one part where I just freaked out and I couldn't do it and it took my CG leader Jo to have me look at her and she said " Lauren You need to trust Ben, he's not going to steer you wrong." I was on the brink of tears and finally I gave way. I am so thankful for the Lord stretching me this weekend in this way. I have known ever since my hurt with Mr. Music that trust was always going to be an issue with me. I am glad to be able to trust guys again without expectations. It really is a great feeling. I have also learned to trust God more with the things He places in my life and the things He stretches me to do.

I am growing so much and while I didn't see it at first, I see it in full right now. I am amazed at the Everlasting God and His neverending Love for me. He has given me a beautiful opportunity here in Colorado and I know I would never want to spend my summer any other way.

I'm listening to Michael Buble right now and my new fave song of his is "Everything" I cannot wait until my husband can think of me that way. I am off to write to him of my adventures and struggles and triumphs in Christ so far this summer. I cannot wait until he reads these letters I have been writing him. Some will break his heart but others will just fill it with so much joy!

To end on a funny quote from David a project friend:
"You can't go wrong with Michael. If I had a man crush it would be on him." ~ In reference to Michael Buble.

I am not a hero, I am not angel, I am just a man

A man who's trying to love her
Unlike any other
In her eyes I am....

I cannot wait until my future husband can sing that song....and if it just so happens to be Josh Groban then that's even better! haha. No but I want to see that in my future husband. I know I will see him as a hero, an angel, and overall a man who is just trying to love me for all that I am in God's eyes as well as what he will see in me.

Today I just about died. But I also had the time of my life. We did a triathalon thingy. I didn't swim so I did 2 events. Well is was like 4. But still. I biked up this huge mountain and along the road forever. I almost didn't make it past the first biking event. However I had a great team and an awesome encourager who said, "I will make you finish! You know I'm not going to leave you until you do and even if I get annoying you will just have to deal with it." It was great. After that we hiked this mountain with loose rock and dirt, then we came to a waterfall and the ground was slippery. I just about died during that part but it was amazing. Waterfalls rock! Then we biked more and then we hiked Vail mountain which was hard and I didn't make it to the top of that mountain ( I was 30 min from it) and my group came down. It was ok thought I got so close. I had two encouragers that time and we had a lot of fun just talking and walking. I was able to finish the race with my team together and it was amazing. My hands are sunburned though haha.

Some things that God has taught me today through this: He will never leave me. He taught me to Trust people again especially guys. That prayer works ( I always knew that). THat He has all the strength I need. And so much more. I was very happy with my group and their support.

Dad Update: I talked to him today!! YAY!!! I miss him so much! He's doing well! THey had a docs appt. Yesterday in MD and everything they took out was the right stuff. Also, He doesn't have to go on Chemo because the part of cancer they found in the part they took out had not spred. He wil however, be getting check ups just incase. How faithful God is to our prayers! I am very excited to see my dad when I get home. He is not well enough to travel out here so the family will not be visiting. How sad :( I miss them all very much! I think the little bro is avoiding me cause he doesn't return my phone calls. But all is good....he'll have to call me after he gets his awesome Vail polo! Its gonna look so good on him!

I think that is all for today. Oh and I didn't get to hike that wonderful Moutain of Holy Cross....yet. CIAO!

Until hurtfree days

I've never been more homesick than now

For real guys....
Don't get me wrong cause I love it here and its beauitful and breathtaking
However I would love to see my family and to see my cherished friends.
I would love to touch the ocean and surf a few choice waves.....you know the ones that you sit out for hours waiting for. THe perfect ones that aren't really perfect.
I would love to hit an amusement park just to ride rollecoasters and see shows.
I'd like to help on the farm, play with my puppy, hang out with the DK crew, and just chill.

I know God has great plans for me here in Colorado. However, I still miss home more than I will ever be able to express in any form of words or picture or art form. There's just too much to love there.

Freedom in Forgivness

Mt. Holy Cross

So my week of fasting is over!!

Not having a computer for a whole week was challenging but really good for me. It showed me that I spend way too much time online and so I am cutting back. I am very greatful for that lesson.

Dad Update: He's good. What they took out was the right thing and its going to be a long healing process. That is ok. We are going to get through this with God's love and grace.

Vail Update: Things here are awesome. Right now I'm not feeling too hot but I had a great weekend! It was women's/men's weekend and we did different things. The boys climbed mountains or something. Us girls camped out with a bear! We ate Hobos and had smores and all that good stuff. Worshiped and such. THen we went for a hike which was soooo much fun and very beautiful. After that We ame back, showered and went out to dinner in groups with different girls. We had questions to ask and we talked alot. My group was cool and awesome! Then we came back and Beth talked and then we had girls and did girl things. THen today we went to church and then had a girls brunch at which Liz talked and every girl got a flower! It was cool.

Anyways Jo asked me to go to walmart so I'll finish later.

Things are awesome and getting better everyday!!! It's awesome. I really miss home and all but Things here aren't bad. I think we are going to Hike Holy Cross soon. I really would like to see it! It's pretty much amazing. Other than that, its horseback riding, work, and hanging with the gang.
Staff leaves in 10 days and that's sad...

Until early nights

Who Do You Think You Are Leaving Me Alone with my Guitar

Yay for listening to RENT!!! Love it!

This weekend has been fun so far. We got kicked out for 25 hours and we had to find a place to stay and stuff. I CAMPED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE!!!! It was so much fun! We made a Fire and Everythign!!! Horrary for Godly Men to build wonderful campfires. WE even roasted Mallows. In the morning the guys made us a FIRE!!!! Cause it was pretty cold. They are so sweet we didn't even ask them lol which means they prob did it for themselves. Then we went out until we could come back at 7pm. We were trying to ask people to come to church with us or just start conversations. It was cool. WE had a few conversations and got to see some cool hang outs.

Tomorrow is church and then just chill. THe guys start Fasting tomorrow and tomorrow the girls start fasting but they don't have to do food. Most of them are but I'm not sure I will. I think I will not go online and fast from junk food. That will kill me I'm sure.

Anyways My dad is doing good. Thank you for those prayers. Please pray for the project fasting this week and for mens and women's weekend next weekend. Thanks! Feel free to leave prayer requests.

I miss home and everything but its all good. God is doing amazing things out here.

Until I get less sunburn!

Take these chains away

I'm having one of those days where things just go wrong and you want to look on the good side but you can't.
H
I really wanted to do Emcee for weekly meetings here but one of my suite mates got it instead and I'm super happy for her, but I really wanted to try it out because I might do it in the spring and school. Instead I was asked to do powerpoints, which is cool and all cause I said I would...but I dunno. Much rather emcee.

There's this kid here who reminds me of someone I put in my past. Its scary and I don't like it. However, its true. I have to work with him on the powerpoints cause hes worship band leader. Its hard.

I want to be home with my family.

I want to be home with my friends.

I want Starbucks to be open later than 8pm.

I hate work. It stinks. I wake up at 4 50 to leave at 5 30 to get to work and set up and wait until 7 in which time we open the doors and I stay there until 3. I am so tired that I don't even want to do anything later.

Listen to me. Me, me , me. it's all about me. I need to change. Today is a hard day and I really want it to just be over. As strong as I know my faith is, it's just not strong enough. It needs to be stronger. Please pray for me. I could really use the prayers. I am weak and the Lord is my strength. I just need to give my burdens to him. Unfortunetly they are burdens I don't want to let go. I need to change. I want to change. I will change.

Please Pray.
In Christ.~Me~

I lift my eyes into the hills where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.

Hey guys!
VAIL UDATE!!!

Thank you for prayers and support. WE love them and need them. A few of the guys got hurt on project and we would love to see them heal in a few weeks so that they can join us on hikes and such.

Tonight I made Baked Ziti and everyone raved about it. So def a good dish to make for a pot luck dinner.

Sunday we went to church and then I took a two hour nap. I was so worn out from our Saturday fun!! Around 2pm my CG girls group met and went HIKING!!! I LOVE HIKING!! It was so much fun and I love those girls so much! We went hiking up the North Trail and man it was hard and though we didn't get to the top I was a trooper...Asthma and thin air don't mix well. I wanted to go to the top but the others were getting hungry and tired and such. I got to lead the way down though! After that we all just chilled. I like chillin too.

Tonight we met with our CGs had a potluck and did our first study. It was really good. Afterwards we played MAFIA!!!! Great game. Then some ppl left to play ultimate and a few of us stayed. We played Celebrity which is an awesome game so learn how to play!!!

Im gettin ready for bed. Work this week is going to be crazy. Hopefully I'll make some money to get me through to my first pay check!!! Living on a budget is hard...oh yeah and I have to send my Rent in soon for August.

Until Warmer weather!!!

Strength is found within

YAY from VAIL!!!

Dad Update: He's HOME!!!! This is very exciting. Things are looking good and we are just waiting for test results and full healing. Please continue to pray for my family and my dad. You can especially pray for healing and that his blood sugars don't go back up. THANKS FOR THE LOVE AND THE PRAYERS!!!

Vail Update: Things here are going great. As you can tell it has been snowing a bit. Just the mountain tops have been getting the bluk of it...we get like a dusting. It should be warming up shortly I hope. Actually today was a really nice day. Work is going good but it is very tiring. Friday we celebrated some of the boys' birthdays which were this weekend. THen we hung out in our room and played some games. Today we got up early. Half of us went to our Life Skills event and half went to help with the Family Fun Fair and to help one of the pastors move. It was a lot of fun. I was in the second half of the day for Life Skills. It was a blast! We did this scavenger hunt type thing in the mountains. When we started we got "sins" 2 ppl were mute, 2 ppl were taped together at the legs (one of which was me), two ppl had to carry a tree type thing (one had one hand duct taped to it), and one carried this huge thing of water. It was tough. We had to find clues which were scripture verses that lead us to the Word Of God which was a top a mountain! Then we looked across and found the clue for The Holy Spirit. It was amazing. THen we had to share with some "lost people" which were staff memebers. It was an awesome time! I am so worn out right now!

Tomorrow is church and then I meet with a few ppl to talk about stuff. Dunno what yet. Should be fun!
Things to pray for: That everyone in our project is heathy and strong. We have had a few accidents so pray for their health
THat we may touch the Vail Valley and spread God's Love
For our leaders, the students, and the Valley in general.

Thanks so much for the support kids!
If you have any prayer requests, send them my way!!

Until Warmer weather!
~Me~

Ive been up to my next working 5 days a week wearin holes in the soles of the shoes on my feet

Yeah....that sums up my week.
Lots of work...but I'm in VAIL!!!! It's great so far.

this is a quick update bc I have been up since 4 50 this morning.

Dad: Is doing really really well!! He will more than likely be going home this weekend. Please keep praying for him and my family. I know we are going to get through this just like we have gotten through everything else. They won't find out if the surgery worked until next week. So pray for that as well.

Me: VAIL IS GREAT! the people are awesome, I have a great job, and its beautiful. God is going to do amazing things! PLease pray for me and m friend steph. We work 8.5 hr days 5 days a week. We get up at 5 ish are at work by 6 30 and dont get out til 3. We usually dont even get back here until 4. It's crazy. I am usually very very worn out by that time. Please pray for us.

Im going to head to bed but I promise there to be more later!

Until Sunny Days!

With a little bit of Faith and Trust and maybe even Pixie Dust

UPDATE:

My dad's surgery went quite well. He is in ICU right now and is talking. That's a very good. My mom is spending a lot of time with him at the hospital. She is so great. She has so much love for my dad. I love them very much. I'll give more updates as I get them but that's really honestly all I know right now.

My first day at work went really well. It was really slow but since its a lodge in a very classy area people tip well and the pay is great. Not to mention the food! OMGOSH! The food is AMAZING! If you are ever in Vail Valley talk to me and I'll let you know where it is. I got to walk to Vail Village today and it was fun! I got to Starbucks just in time before it closed. I felt bad and of course gave them a tip. Then we all hung out and walked back. It helped get my mind of things and just relax. I'm really enjoying my time here. I love everyone who I have met and everyone is so loving here. It's awesome.

I hope all is well. Thanks for the prayers and keep praying!!! If you guys have any prayer requests please let me know!!!

Until Confused Vail Weather....

Did you Feel the mountains tremble?

HELLO FROM VAIL!!!!
I am super excited to get to report from summer project!!! Flying and arriving into Vail Valley was amazing!! The mountains are amazing and they were even Snow Covered!!! Meeting everyone was also exciting! This summer is going to be beyond belief. God is going to do amazing things this summer through us! I am so pumped!

My roommates are great! The girls in my bible study are great!! My community group is great and the whole gang is awesome!!! I love them all and its only the third day!!!

I went for my job today. I will be hostessing and making a nice sum of money to get me by this summer. I get discounts at all stuff in the Beaver Creek Village thingy so I am going to go horseback riding on a mountain trail and rock climb. I am very excited. The peolpe we are working with are nice as well!

We did a lot of interesting things the past few days. Just getting to know the Valley and the people around here. We also visited the Teva Games to share with people a bit. It was a very fun and interesting day. It was also nice to see so many people in the valley.

Also, Vail churchis great! The people there are so nice. I am very excited to work with them this summer.

I am all over the place and very excited to see what God has to do in my life and the life of those around me this summer. If you guys could pray for family and my dad, he gets surgery tomorow, and just keep all of us out here in your prayers that would be awesome!!!

I promise to write more fully and thoughtfully later when I am not so jumpy and excited!

much love,
Me.

Being Happy in today's world counts for nothing

She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause
he's the reason for the tear drops on my guitar

"I haven't been thinking about us. I needed not to give it not or else I would have given it too much thought."~Lorelai Gilmore

Today I had a fun day at the beach with my parents,aunt, unc, and cousin. It was nice to go and relax for the day especially with everything that is going on in our lives right now. However, what I got was a little more than I needed. The shore house is full of memories from a pretty amazing time i had last summer. And even though I have every reason to hate those memories because they were all pretty much fake, as much as i have the right to hate the person they were with, and I should just forget everything. But how can I forget a time when I was so happy? When waking up wasn't so hard because aside from God, I knew or thought I knew that I meant something to someone. Well down the beach I was happy as happy can be and we had a wonderful time! Star gazing, midnight walking on the beach, the game of Life, watchin the morning appear on the deck with some tea, and just hanging out. I'll admit it, I cried and almost threw up on the way home today. I mean Im not hungry or anything right now. I feel like I felt when I broke up with the kid. And maybe if I didn't break up with him we would still be together and growing in our faith and just being amazing. But then again maybe we would be miserable. I don't know why things happen, but God plans it that way. And the kid doesn't care about me any more so it doesn't really matter what I think about that (he said so himself to me). It just sucks with everything that is goin on.

My dad is sick, he gets operated on when im in vail and who knows the toll its going to take on my family. I won't be here so it will be hard on me.
Me going to Vail is hard in itself. Im going way out of my comfort zone but this is all Gods master plan for me. I'm just following the leader so to speak.

Things will get better, butfor now....my heart goes out to this kid who is super lost and even though he always said he didn't want to grow up like his dad, I see similarities between him and the things he told me about his dad. Like father, like son I guess.

until Vail!