A New Life

What happens when...
You don't get director of a show you love?
You don't get any production staff position of a show you love?
You don't even get cast in a show you love?

Well I can tell you what happens.....you want to beat up everyone.

Today I quit thespians and though you cannot do that...I have vowed that after THON I will officially become inactive.
It was a super hard thing to do because Thespians are why I am still at Penn State...though the club has gone down hill since I was a freshman. I'll miss my friends but I won't miss the jerks. There are good number of them.

You know, Jekyll and Hyde is one of my favorite shows and stories. So when I applied for director I had a plan. In my interview, I couldn't get the plan out. I just rambled like an idiot. I was nervous. I didn't even get props master....great that's something I'm good at. But Now this...

I have been practicing for this show since I started my voice lessons in september. I have been brushing up on everything too. I went to my singing audition balls to the walls. I didn't care. At my callback....I went pretty far. Its a show about sex, lust, and passion and if anyone tells me there was no passion in what i was doing last night...they weren't watching. I wanted so badly to be in this show and the movement portion, I had it down. The singing portion....we sung one of my favorite songs from the show and I was pumped! I walked out of there feeling the most comfortable I have ever felt when auditioning. Eye contact with the audience ensures that you want them to know your story. I did it. And if I messed up a little I got right back into it.

To say I am disappointed is to say the least about what i am. I cannot help that some inside job had something to do with this. There are people in the club who don't like me. Simply because I am outgoing and I speak my mind about things. I'm sorry they don't like me but you shouldn't hold that against someone when casting.

I don't know what went on at the casting meeting. I don't know if people saw how important this show was to me last night. I'm not just some actor trying to make any show without any preparation. I prepared even before the callbacks, being creepy on campus just to get into character.

I quit because passion doesn't matter any more. People are doing this club just to have something to do or to have some fun. I have put a lot of time and energy into the club in the past few years because THIS is what i WANT to do. THIS is my PASSION. Theatre....is my life and yeah I can't major in it....but damn it...I put 110% into everything I do with it. I cannot stand to be taken as a joke. And it hurts.

But I guess it's done. I want to leave. I hate this place. I want to go back to my home. More importantly back to People's Light.

until later days
~me