More Things that Make me happy

So today I had to go to walmart to get a few things for my semiformal which is tomorrow.
Things that make me happy day two:
I went to look for a valentine's day card for my friend and there were these two old men so cute... and they were picking out valentine's day card but they were like 97 cents and they said like Happy Valentine's Day Granddaughter.... I was like in love cause they were soooo cute. so cute. Old men are so cute. Ok I'm done.


Sad thing: I watched 10 Things I Hate About You because it was on TV tonight and it just felt weird. I mean now that Heath Ledger is dead you can't look at him and go gaga over him and be like.."one day we will be married" ya know? It's just weird. Here's to you Mr. Ledger...You are missed, greatly. You had at least 5 more top box offices left. Seriously.

Well On the Line is on and I'm a sucker for Chick flicks.....so yeah.

Until love
~Me

Wet Hand Shakes and Sweaty Hugs

I think the best part of my day was when I went to introduce myself to the Morale Overall MJD and I held out my hand for him to shake it and the conversation that followed went like this:

MJD: My hand is wet I just washed it.
Me: I don't care (hand shake) Just wanted to let you know who I was so you knew who was interviewing you on Tuesday.
MJD gives me one sweaty hug: Great! See ya tuesday!

I could write a book on why I love morale and he'd be all over it and we just met haha

We had our Pow Wow tonight. It was amazing. Morale is amazing and we are gonna have a great year this year. I hope we raise over 5.2 mil....lets shoot for 6.5 mil

Check out www.THON.org to learn more about the org and what we do. Morale is in charge of the dancers. It's only 3 weeks away.

My birthday is just about one week away. I totally forgot about it because I have been non stop busy and my mom reminded me today lol. This is also why I haven't written. I don't have time. It's 11:30 pm and I have an 8 am class tomorrow. Not to mention i need to get up and shower cause I didn't get a chance to get one tonight.

So just as a side note. I'm finding it weird that I am going through all this challenging stuff without my team of guys to lean on. I mean last year I danced in THON and went to Vail without MDOC around. It was weird and I had to see him and then he said he didn't even want to be friends with me and it hurt. But I wish things were different because there is so much I want t show him, so much I wish he would open his eyes to. Now Semi formal is friday and we went together freshman year. It's just weird. I saw pictures from it the other day. It was the first time we actually went out together and it was amazing. T-Dogg was going to be my date this year, but he got a girlfriend this summer and changed completely. he is totally whipped and she's a little bit obsessive. he stopped talking to me halfway through fall semester and Now I am left with no strong guy friends. Sean is a strong guy friend, but he's really busy too and we only see each other on gym days....which is fine by me cause he's the best gym buddy ever!! But it's weird to do all of this without male support. Girls can support us, but its different.

You know what every girl wants? Every girl wants that one best guy friend. The one who will show up on the night of semiformal, dressed in his best with a rose and a hug. That best guy friend that dances every dance with her, even the slow ones because he knows that all she really needs is a guy to hold her. Every girl wants that guy friend who will smile, walk her to her door, kiss her forehead, and say goodnight and that he had a wonderful time. Every girl wants this because this is what gives us hope and when don't have it, we feel hopeless, unloved, insecure, and out of place. We feel ugly, wasted, and unwanted. We are girls and we have glass hearts that shatter when dropped.

Not all of us are this way. Some of us are strong. We know who we are and we know that we can get by without a guy in our lives. We know that whatever the wind brings we can take it like a man. But somewhere in us there's a bit of that hopelessness. All we want to be is loved, for who we are and what we will become.

I guess I really am somewhat of a Romantic. I sing a song that todays generations don't want to listen to. Maybe someday it'll come back around. But it seems like for now...it's lost in the rap music of degrading women and lusting after men.

*sigh*

Until dry hand shakes and hugs
~Me~

The End of an Era

So a lot of people in my life think Rent is some messed up musical.....However it affected the lives of millions of people.

Personally, I love RENT. I think the story is timeless and the music is beautiful. I think the meaning behind it, the effort put into it, and journey it takes us on as viewers is precious. It will forever have a special place in my heart.

Here is a video of Anthony Rapp the original Mark talking about the closing of RENT on Broadway June 1st. It's moving...so be forewarned that you might cry. It's about 2 minutes or so.

http://www.broadway.com/gen/Buzz_Video.aspx?ci=559494

Surely the end of an Era will come....but we all know that the closing of RENT will enable others to preform it. I am so excited to have the chance to see people finally take park in something they love in their community. Surely a new era will begin.

Here's to RENT!

~me~

Remembering Johnathan Larson

Here's to you Mr. Larson!
if you only could have seen how amazingly wonderful your musical would be years after you have passed.

We remember today you and all you have done. This day that you died, the night before RENT was set to open. Without knowing it, you inspired the cast to make the show as amazing as it could be. Rent was for you Mr. Larson. We love you for it!

We miss you too. How talented you were to come up with this musical. To have it look and sound amazing.

Mr. Larson....you are inspiring, amazing, and wonderful.

So here's to you Johnathan. This will always be for you!

No Day But Today.

Sometimes closing your eyes just doesn't work

So I'm finally ok with everything that has happened.
I took one to the gut and it's ok.

I am excited because this weekend should be amazing! Next weekend is going to be GREAT! Finally I might get to go home. I'm not sure yet though. 3 weeks until my birthday and the dreaded Valentine's Day. Seriously the worst Holiday EVER!

Ok so you know how the store put out stuff for holidays like 2 months before the actual holiday? It's really gotten to me for some reason. I mean valentine's isn't here yet and they have St. Patrick's Day stuff out. Seriously? I need to get over this holiday first. I mean seriously!

My hate of valentine's day is simply because I have never had a good one. My Birthday falls about 3 days before Valentine's Day and it's just the perfect time for a guy to let you down. You hope and pray they plan something amazing and they never do, sometimes they don't plan anything at all. I guess I can't really blame guys. I never really had a real boyfriend for Valentine's Day or my birthday for that matter. But all the couples at the movies, reserving tables, etc makes me upset and cranky.

So If I make a horrible post on valentine's day, you know why. But the weeks leading up to Valentine's Day should be great!!

Until cozy fires.
Me~

Another knife leads to blood

I don't know what I am feeling right now. In one day my world went from being up....to tumbling down.
I feel undervauled, unappreciated and not good enough.

I found out about an hour ago that I will not be directing Jekyll and Hyde this semester but a School of Theatre kid will. What is the purpose of a club from non-Theatre majors......when Theatre majors are chosen to direct our shows? What happened to being a Thespian? I pledge my time and effort to be a part of something. Then I get pushed aside for a school of Theatre person. I'm sorry are we the school of Theatre now?

I am hurt. Jekyll and Hyde is one of my top three favorite shows. This is a show I wanted to direct more than anything. I am so deeply hurt right now. I feel betrayed. I don't know what to think or what to do I just feel numb.

I guess I'll audition but it's not the same.

I have no words.

oh and I found out that I am getting my birthday wish. Oddly enough. I don't care.

One day I will prove everyone wrong. Then you'll be sorry that our 110th anniversary show wasn't as amazing as it could have been.

Goodbye, Tow Trucks, and 40 Years

So I have some things to catch up on:

1. The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee closed on Broadway yesterday with it's final preformance. I was lucky to see the show when it came to my school. Amazing score! I'm sorry it had to close. But All shows have to in time.

2. Tow Trucks: Tonight someone parked in my parking spot. Normally it would be cool. But we could not find the said owner of the car. So I called the my landlords who called the towing company. I was also having a bad evening so this just topped it off. I'm sorry that it ended up being my friend's roommate's boyfriend's car....but seriously. I heard that they don't have a lot of money....but that was a nice car. Fishy? Probably not but who knows.

3. I'd like to take a moment to say Congrats to Michael Rupert for his 40 years of Broadway. Yes, 40 years on broadway of entertaining and smiling. This aspiring young dentist first made his debut in Happy Time. He is currently staring as Callahan in Legally Blonde the Musical. I am happy to say that I met him just about a week before his 40th anniversary! I bet it was really special!! Thank you for entertaining us sir!!! Oh and the 40th anniversary was on 1/18/2008...I'm a little late but all the love none the less!

The plans of the Unplanned

Well this semester is off to a great start in the world of Thespis. Yes, yes, yes. MasquerAIDS is having their first rehersal tonight and is set to be preformed on Feb. 10th. This is our annual AIDS benefit show and this year we have chosen PRELUDE TO A KISS for our show. It promises to be a wonderful time! More details to come!

Despite planning and planning and planning. I have busy jobs for me. I am so excited. I get to plan our trip to New York...and by plan I mean get the bus. I get to plan THON activities and such and we picked our amazing dancers today! I get to plan the Picnic at the end of the year! But what is best is all the unplanned that will come out of it. The jokes and the laughter. The problems that will be overcome. It's fun to watch it all play out.

My nerves are so shot. I really want this director gig. I'm hoping against all odds that our president takes a chance on me. Boy, how wonderful would that be? Someone would have faith in me. I am so excited to do this show. I have lists of ideas and drafts and just stuff! It's exciting! I'm nervous. Sometime in the next two days we find out. I'll let you know.

The plans of the unplanned are simple. Anything that isn't supposed to happen, will happen. However, the outcome of that is laughter, tears, smiles, love, hate, hugs, food, comfort, support, and some of our most cherished moments.

Until less nervous hours,
Me~!

Lying Awake In the Morning

So why i decided to wake up at 8 30 this morning I have no idea. I mean I didn't even go to bed until 1 last night. Of course it was a pretty relaxing night complete with movie and such, but all in all I would say I was beat from my crazy week.

When I did wake up this morning, i just kinda laid in bed. It was really relaxing. No jumping out of bed to race to the shower and beat my roommate. No ugggh I have classes today feeling, though I do have a 10 hour work day with the Big Ten Network today. So not looking forward to running cables all day. But I have three hours to do as I please before that now so what shall I do? Take it easy.

Relaxation: It's beautiful.

I forgot to tell you guys about my interview for director for Jekyll and Hyde. Well I think I blew it. I couldn't get out what I wanted to say for some reason and I think its partially because the girl who interviewed me scares the crap out of me. She really doesn't like me and I have no idea why. I never did anything but be nice to her and she's just a bitch to me. So am I concerned about this? Yes. I think that her judgements of me will affect her decision to take a chance on me for director. ARGH!!! I have so many good ideas, I have been working on this show since the summer. Ways I would love to see things done, etc. All her bias against me has the ability to prevent me from being director. How can I ever start anywhere if no one takes a chance on me? This is why I think someone outside of Thespians should do the interviews, or maybe our faculty advisor because he isn't around all that much but he still knows what's good for the club.

But alas....here I sit waiting until the weekend is over to find out the dreaded news. Who will be the director? Who will be the production staff? Only a little bit of time will tell. And I'm scared!

Until that happy day....
~me

More Snow and More Bad News

All of this time I've planed,
I'd be patient, and,
You would love me again.

You'd come to respect my mind,
and at last you'd find,
You could love me again.

And I have turned my whole world
upside down,
trying not to let you go...
Watching you walk away
is like a fatal blow.
~So Much Better~Legally Blonde the Musical

Snow and Bad news Seems to be a frequenting event these days.

First off, my friend. THe one I wrote about in the previous post. Well he emailed me today just to tell me that he didn't want anything but friendship in our relationship. No biggie right? I always knew the from the start but there is always that little glimmer of hope that maybe things have changed. But alas they did not and I guess this means I get to lost him too. Wow count how many guy friends I've lost this year and it beats out the total number of boyfriends I've had in my lifetime (2).
However, he did just email me back and said he wants to keep our friendship. I'm all down for that.

Second I heard rumors the Christian Borle's last day of Legally Blonde was set for Feb......which would have totally ruined my birthday present. HOWEVER!!!! THE CAST HAS SIGNED THROUGH THE SPRING OF 2008!!!! HOLLA!!! I'm SO EXCITED!

Ok...and besides that...I have neglected my school work to watch Legally Blonde stuff, play in the snow, and live in a Tangsters Paradise... HOLLA TANG GANG!!! But I promise to study hard!

Oh...and look for Shrek the musical set to hit broadway Fall 2008. I'm a little worried. But who's to judge?

Love Until Tomorrow,
Me~

A Snowy Day Brings Sad News

This morning I awoke to snow...and some terrible news.
My Beloved RENT is set to leave broadway on June 1st, 2008. I have only seen the touring cast and if I do not get a chance to see RENT on Broadway before it goes away, I will cry. I was lucky that I even got to see Beauty and the Beast before it went off broadway. That took me paying full price for tickets, which I don't mind doing especially when John Taraglia is wearing something that is form fitting. But aside from that, it was a beautifully amazing show.

WHAT WILL I DO!?! Well I have two chances. Spring Break when I get my 21st Birthday present, a trip to NEW YORK complete with shows!!! I think Im going to go for Three shows but I don't know. It's an overnight trip....my first one. So...ya know we have to celebrate right! JEKYLL AND HYDE CLUB HERE I COME!!! Or I can go during the Thespians trip to NY....which I am planning because I am the awesome Activities Chair! But yeah.... I really hope I get to see it otherwise I am going to kick myself for being in Vail, Co last summer while Gonzo got to see it for her birthday and the phone call I'll never forget:
Gonzo: I got tickets to see RENT with Rapp and Pascal for my bday!!!
Me: I WANNA GO!!!
Gonzo; They are for Aug 6....
Me: WHAT!!! 4 DAYS!!! YOU COULDNT WAIT 4 DAYS!!!! I come home on the 10th....4 stinking days!!!

yeah you get the hint. Anyways that's my sadness for the time being.

Anyways I need a lot of prayers!!! I am interviewing for the Director's position for Jekyll and Hyde tomorrow and I am so nervous. Who ever thought this would be so hard? But it is very very hard! So....I guess I will let you know as soon as I find out!

Until Jeykll and Hyde Production staff list....
Me~

As Sweet as It Sounds

My sweet semester.
I should write a book.
After this semester I could write a book.

Here are what my classes look like at a glance. MW Power Skating and Theatre. FUN!!!! F I only have Power Skating and a whole day off!

T TH I have A sweet English 202 A which is a writing class on Ethnographics with a sweet professor.
A Creative Writing Class...Which I will def get a lot out of
And a production class for Comm

My production class might be my only class from hell this semester. The others I can deal with and schedule proper time to study and what not for. However, this Comm Class might put me over the bucket with stress. I get that sense just by reading the syll. However, I haven't actually been there yet so I'm not sure.

I have factored in time to go to the gym. Have my Bible Study. Cook Dinner. Eat Healthy. Bum it in the Thespian office. Do THON stuff. and Direct....should that position be given to me.

I'M SO PUMPED!!!!

The reason for this post today was not to talk about my schedule....I just forgot what I was actually going to talk about. But if It comes to me later...well then I'll make note of it and write write write.

Until Warmer Days
~ME

Snowy first day of class

So today was the first day of classes and to be honest it was a breeze.

I had power skating in the morning. We didn't do anything but go over the syl,but still. It was nice.

Then I had a break so I went to the office to see if I had any mail in my mailbox and I did not. Shocker. haha.

Then I had my Theatre 130 class which is design and production. I have the costume section first and we went on a little tour and I had a spaz attack because you should see all the stuff we have! ITS BEAUTIFUL!!!! I never even knew about it all. So that was good. I really am going to like that class. The second half I'll be with Mo in the Scenic section. That should be fun because Mo is amazing!

Then I pretty much bummed it all day. I went and got my fabrics and supplies that we don't need for another 2 weeks in Theatre, but I couldn't wait!!! I was so excited! I also made myself a beautiful dinner! Salmon with Red potatoes and dill pickles. It was amazing and I even took a picture of it because I made it look presentable. Maybe I will post it up here one day. I know I keep telling you I will put pictures up, but I'm lazy. haha

A discovery I just made a few minutes ago....there are no good Theatre blogs out there. So if you are a theatre/musical theatre/broadway blogger...PLEASE LET ME KNOW! I'm looking for you! I mean I could just start one, but that would mean that I would have to get all in tune with my shit and I don't have time for that right now. Seriously! haha.

Well that's all. I'm about to hit the gym because I hear that Christian Borle and Sutton Foster are infact separated. Even though Christian is rumored to be cuddly with Legally Blonde Co-Star Laura Bell Bundy, there is still hope! haha I love dreaming!

Until Sweeter Dreams!
~Me!

Love.

Love.
Love.
Love.

What is it about love? Who is to say they are "in love." I mean it has to be two people in a mutual relationship that are "in love."
Or you can just be obsessed, fascinated by, or "in love with" something/someone.

So I have this friend. He's a great friend. My best friend. A friend who saved my butt without ever realizing it. I talk about him whenever I give my testimony because if it wasn't for him I would still be in an abusive relationship with my lovely jerk of a high school boyfriend. But no. This kid. Appears. When I say appears, I mean it, he's a magician. Out of NO WHERE. and saves my butt. Without ever realizing it.
He becomes my best friend.
We go to my Senior Prom together.
We have a blast whenever we hang out.
We tell each other secrets about a deepest dreams.
We laugh at each other and are stupid around each other.
But I don't ever think I would classify us as "in love"

Infact since I've been in college I only get to see him every now and then. But whenever I do get to see him I treasure those times.

HOWEVER

the big However.

He is the ONLY GUY. Who gives my butterflies, every single solitary time I see him. I get nervous when we are in a 2 mile radius of each other. It's Crazy. I mean with Michael, it was like ok butterflies, hes cute whatever. But I mean.....gosh. I wish I could explain.

So lately I was thinking about it. He's a great kid. Good head on his shoulders. Smart. Fun. Sweet. Kind. Knows how to treat a girl. And probably isn't going to college to pursue a career as a magician. However, He is GREAT at what he does. I saw him preform for the first time ever. HE WAS AMAZING!!! I know now why he spends so much time on it. Why he puts his heart and soul into it. It's unbelievable. And it brought me to tears *i'm emotional anyway*. He was beautiful up there. So I decided and not because hes a great magician but because of all of his attributes....that if he ever asked me to marry him or be his girlfriend whatever, I would say yes. However, I'm almost 21 and he is barely 18. So I can't think about it because technically it's against all kinds of laws. Another HOWEVER, his mom LOVES Me. Like whenever I come home and we get together, she tells my mom how glad she is that he and I get to see each other and all this stuff. His family is amazing and super sweet. I love his sisters, both younger than he and so much fun! His dad kinda scares me but he's cool when he's not looking so stern. But the family is great. I'm a family person so that has to be a good quality for me, haha.

I miss him. He's the one guy I know who will always, no matter what, be there for me. Sometimes I just forget that we are so far apart. He's amazing and I wish I could introduce him to everyone I know. Of course, he might be famous who knows. The world might know him before I can introduce him to it! haha

Well I guess that point of this post was just to get that off my chest. I don't know that boy confuses the heck out of me. But he's my fave just the same.

Until Lovely Days

~Me

Chip On My Shoulder

Love,
I put my faith in love
I followed where it lead
To my personal circle of Hell
It has not worked out well
I wish that I were dead

Cause instead of a wedding in love
I'm flunking out of school
A total laughing stock
Someone he and his friends could just mock
So go on, here's my head
Just hand over the rock!
~Chip on my shoulder~Legally Blonde the Musical

Ok so yesterday I took my sister to her Christmas present. We went to NYC and it was fun. I was a crab a bit of the day. I do have to say. I was tired, achey, and everyone with us wanted to do different things. I had planned this day for a while with places I wanted to go and things I wanted to see and do, but i couldn't do it because I had my mom and brother and Corey with me. Ughh it was frustrating sometimes.

We got our tickets, sweet seats, to Legally Blonde the musical. It was amazing. Everyone should go see it. I was able to wait outside after the show and get autographs and some pictures. We got Kyle's (Andy Karl) and Brooke's (Nikki Snelson) Pictures and a ton of autographs. I was a little upset that Laura Bell Bundy ( Elle) and Christophe Borle (Emmitt) didn't come out. I really wanted to see them. But no angry because the show was amazing and the cast sweet.
The show has amazing songs. The lyrics are great and I like the meaning. The chemistry between Elle and Emmitt was beautiful, which made for a great show. You can really tell how good a show is by the chemistry the actors have with each other. It was good. I am very very very tempted to go see it again. I'm hooked on the music and wanting to go back haha.

Love broadway.

The rest of the day was good. Went to canal street. Ate at the Stardust and some strange place called Mars 2112. But besides that it was cool. An good day. A great day!

I worked today... big mistake. I couldn't keep my eyes open. haha. Well I better get to bed or something.... I'm so tired.

Until another trip to 7th and Broadway...
~me

Where do we go from here?

This isn't where we intended to be. We had it all. You believed in me. I believed in you. Certainties disappear. What do we do for our dreams to survive? How do we keep all the passion alive as we used to do? (You Must Love Me~Evita~the one with Madonna)

And that's how I feel. I mean kinda. I have come to a realization of many and few. I relay on people to make me happy.
I'd like to give God the credit for revealing this to me because it is only by losing a best friend, a close friend, letting go of an exboyfriend,forgiving, and being loved by a friend who is nothing but naked honest with me, was I able to see this.

All of this happened within a month and I felt like I had no one and I was miserable. Therefore, Christmas was horrible. WEll i mean it wasn't horrible, it wasn't Christmas. I mean come on. Christmas day my brother went to see his Girlfriend and my little sister's boyfriend came over for a few hours. Seriously? Would that make you feel lonely, bitter, upset? This is something I struggle with now more than ever. I feel this is because both of my siblings are younger than me and they are in relationships that can potentially last a lifetime. THey are going at the perfect rate and each person is growing, i can see it. Its like perfect and it kind of makes me sick a little because I'd give the world to be that happy. However, in all honesty, I should be that happy anyway because I am blessed in many ways and one of them being my amazing family. Not to mention, it was just CHristmas and New Years and there is a wedding in July that we are going to and can maybe possibly probably bring dates. I will be dateless.

Tell me something....How do I pick the bad eggs? Do you think God is telling me to stop picking my boyfriends and start listening to Him? I think its possible. However, I am not even close to guys any more. At one point in my life you couldn't get me off the basketball court and out of baggy shorts unless u tied me a chair (never happened). Now I've hit that girl stage or whatever and I hardly know guys. I mean outside of the gay ones or taken ones. Seriously? It always happens. Maybe God is just telling me to shut up. Stop listening to your head Lauren, listen to Me. Stop going with your heart Lauren, let Me guide you. Right?

I wallow. I do that. It's not healthy. So I'm trying to stop it. However, I need to be in constant reminder that i can't do anything without God. I mean He needs to be with my constantly.

So I think it's time for some change. And maybe a little sunshine to every day.

What Amazing Grace has found me.

Until smiley faces
~Me

The Bridge Band. 2007. 2008. Washington D.C. Radiate07. Love. Him.

So this weekend was a big weekend.
I didn't want to go because I wanted to stay home with my family and be selfish when I should of just been selfless. However, I went.

It ended up being a great time. Radiate is always a good time. THe speakers=amazing. The Bridge Band= beyond amazing. I don't think I would have gone if Phil wasn't speaking and the Bridge Band wasn't playing. Also, Auntie Ann (ya know the pretzel lady) Spoke and gave us free pretzels. It was cool. She's Christian which is sweet and she's Very passionate about it.

A passionate Love for the Lord. Wow. Sometimes I forget what that looks like because I get so caught up in my daily trials. Who am I do cry woe is me? Sure its ok to admit we are failures and we fall. Jesus loves us anyway. But man. If He didn't do enough for us already. How selfish can we be? Man oh man.

I was able to see the Holocaust Museum and some other things in DC. Pray for UDC and the campus there. and hang out with some sweet friends of mine from school.

The night before New Years we had an amazing worship session. I know that 2008 is going to be a year of change and challenge for me. After all, I didn't ask God for the easy life. I feel that I am being called to step up. To go out of my comfort zone and do things I would normally play it safe and say no to. For example, I have been struggling about going to do the Disney College Program in the fall, this means I would miss my last football season, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years with my family. I prayed a lot for that because I need to apply when I get to school. I feel like I am being compelled to go there. To study there for the experience and maybe because God has sometime in store there for my life. I promised to trust God with His plans for me. It's really hard to do that by the way. However, wherever He leads me, I'm sure there will be good things even if I have to struggle to get them. I think this year will be a year of healing, of fully relying on God and so much more. I can't really explain it. I just know it's going to be big.

New Years Eve, We worshiped in the New Year. THe Bridge Band played an amazing Praise Set and man if you could see it. It was beautiful! God was probably crying tears of joy. I don't know that for sure but it was beautifully amazing.

Now I'm home and I couldn't be more glad. I have plans to rest and relax, maybe go see Peter Pan in Philly this week. Who knows.

Until snowy snowmen,
Have a blessed 2008!
~ME