Wet Hand Shakes and Sweaty Hugs

I think the best part of my day was when I went to introduce myself to the Morale Overall MJD and I held out my hand for him to shake it and the conversation that followed went like this:

MJD: My hand is wet I just washed it.
Me: I don't care (hand shake) Just wanted to let you know who I was so you knew who was interviewing you on Tuesday.
MJD gives me one sweaty hug: Great! See ya tuesday!

I could write a book on why I love morale and he'd be all over it and we just met haha

We had our Pow Wow tonight. It was amazing. Morale is amazing and we are gonna have a great year this year. I hope we raise over 5.2 mil....lets shoot for 6.5 mil

Check out www.THON.org to learn more about the org and what we do. Morale is in charge of the dancers. It's only 3 weeks away.

My birthday is just about one week away. I totally forgot about it because I have been non stop busy and my mom reminded me today lol. This is also why I haven't written. I don't have time. It's 11:30 pm and I have an 8 am class tomorrow. Not to mention i need to get up and shower cause I didn't get a chance to get one tonight.

So just as a side note. I'm finding it weird that I am going through all this challenging stuff without my team of guys to lean on. I mean last year I danced in THON and went to Vail without MDOC around. It was weird and I had to see him and then he said he didn't even want to be friends with me and it hurt. But I wish things were different because there is so much I want t show him, so much I wish he would open his eyes to. Now Semi formal is friday and we went together freshman year. It's just weird. I saw pictures from it the other day. It was the first time we actually went out together and it was amazing. T-Dogg was going to be my date this year, but he got a girlfriend this summer and changed completely. he is totally whipped and she's a little bit obsessive. he stopped talking to me halfway through fall semester and Now I am left with no strong guy friends. Sean is a strong guy friend, but he's really busy too and we only see each other on gym days....which is fine by me cause he's the best gym buddy ever!! But it's weird to do all of this without male support. Girls can support us, but its different.

You know what every girl wants? Every girl wants that one best guy friend. The one who will show up on the night of semiformal, dressed in his best with a rose and a hug. That best guy friend that dances every dance with her, even the slow ones because he knows that all she really needs is a guy to hold her. Every girl wants that guy friend who will smile, walk her to her door, kiss her forehead, and say goodnight and that he had a wonderful time. Every girl wants this because this is what gives us hope and when don't have it, we feel hopeless, unloved, insecure, and out of place. We feel ugly, wasted, and unwanted. We are girls and we have glass hearts that shatter when dropped.

Not all of us are this way. Some of us are strong. We know who we are and we know that we can get by without a guy in our lives. We know that whatever the wind brings we can take it like a man. But somewhere in us there's a bit of that hopelessness. All we want to be is loved, for who we are and what we will become.

I guess I really am somewhat of a Romantic. I sing a song that todays generations don't want to listen to. Maybe someday it'll come back around. But it seems like for now...it's lost in the rap music of degrading women and lusting after men.

*sigh*

Until dry hand shakes and hugs
~Me~

The End of an Era

So a lot of people in my life think Rent is some messed up musical.....However it affected the lives of millions of people.

Personally, I love RENT. I think the story is timeless and the music is beautiful. I think the meaning behind it, the effort put into it, and journey it takes us on as viewers is precious. It will forever have a special place in my heart.

Here is a video of Anthony Rapp the original Mark talking about the closing of RENT on Broadway June 1st. It's moving...so be forewarned that you might cry. It's about 2 minutes or so.

http://www.broadway.com/gen/Buzz_Video.aspx?ci=559494

Surely the end of an Era will come....but we all know that the closing of RENT will enable others to preform it. I am so excited to have the chance to see people finally take park in something they love in their community. Surely a new era will begin.

Here's to RENT!

~me~

Remembering Johnathan Larson

Here's to you Mr. Larson!
if you only could have seen how amazingly wonderful your musical would be years after you have passed.

We remember today you and all you have done. This day that you died, the night before RENT was set to open. Without knowing it, you inspired the cast to make the show as amazing as it could be. Rent was for you Mr. Larson. We love you for it!

We miss you too. How talented you were to come up with this musical. To have it look and sound amazing.

Mr. Larson....you are inspiring, amazing, and wonderful.

So here's to you Johnathan. This will always be for you!

No Day But Today.

Sometimes closing your eyes just doesn't work

So I'm finally ok with everything that has happened.
I took one to the gut and it's ok.

I am excited because this weekend should be amazing! Next weekend is going to be GREAT! Finally I might get to go home. I'm not sure yet though. 3 weeks until my birthday and the dreaded Valentine's Day. Seriously the worst Holiday EVER!

Ok so you know how the store put out stuff for holidays like 2 months before the actual holiday? It's really gotten to me for some reason. I mean valentine's isn't here yet and they have St. Patrick's Day stuff out. Seriously? I need to get over this holiday first. I mean seriously!

My hate of valentine's day is simply because I have never had a good one. My Birthday falls about 3 days before Valentine's Day and it's just the perfect time for a guy to let you down. You hope and pray they plan something amazing and they never do, sometimes they don't plan anything at all. I guess I can't really blame guys. I never really had a real boyfriend for Valentine's Day or my birthday for that matter. But all the couples at the movies, reserving tables, etc makes me upset and cranky.

So If I make a horrible post on valentine's day, you know why. But the weeks leading up to Valentine's Day should be great!!

Until cozy fires.
Me~

Another knife leads to blood

I don't know what I am feeling right now. In one day my world went from being up....to tumbling down.
I feel undervauled, unappreciated and not good enough.

I found out about an hour ago that I will not be directing Jekyll and Hyde this semester but a School of Theatre kid will. What is the purpose of a club from non-Theatre majors......when Theatre majors are chosen to direct our shows? What happened to being a Thespian? I pledge my time and effort to be a part of something. Then I get pushed aside for a school of Theatre person. I'm sorry are we the school of Theatre now?

I am hurt. Jekyll and Hyde is one of my top three favorite shows. This is a show I wanted to direct more than anything. I am so deeply hurt right now. I feel betrayed. I don't know what to think or what to do I just feel numb.

I guess I'll audition but it's not the same.

I have no words.

oh and I found out that I am getting my birthday wish. Oddly enough. I don't care.

One day I will prove everyone wrong. Then you'll be sorry that our 110th anniversary show wasn't as amazing as it could have been.

Goodbye, Tow Trucks, and 40 Years

So I have some things to catch up on:

1. The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee closed on Broadway yesterday with it's final preformance. I was lucky to see the show when it came to my school. Amazing score! I'm sorry it had to close. But All shows have to in time.

2. Tow Trucks: Tonight someone parked in my parking spot. Normally it would be cool. But we could not find the said owner of the car. So I called the my landlords who called the towing company. I was also having a bad evening so this just topped it off. I'm sorry that it ended up being my friend's roommate's boyfriend's car....but seriously. I heard that they don't have a lot of money....but that was a nice car. Fishy? Probably not but who knows.

3. I'd like to take a moment to say Congrats to Michael Rupert for his 40 years of Broadway. Yes, 40 years on broadway of entertaining and smiling. This aspiring young dentist first made his debut in Happy Time. He is currently staring as Callahan in Legally Blonde the Musical. I am happy to say that I met him just about a week before his 40th anniversary! I bet it was really special!! Thank you for entertaining us sir!!! Oh and the 40th anniversary was on 1/18/2008...I'm a little late but all the love none the less!

The plans of the Unplanned

Well this semester is off to a great start in the world of Thespis. Yes, yes, yes. MasquerAIDS is having their first rehersal tonight and is set to be preformed on Feb. 10th. This is our annual AIDS benefit show and this year we have chosen PRELUDE TO A KISS for our show. It promises to be a wonderful time! More details to come!

Despite planning and planning and planning. I have busy jobs for me. I am so excited. I get to plan our trip to New York...and by plan I mean get the bus. I get to plan THON activities and such and we picked our amazing dancers today! I get to plan the Picnic at the end of the year! But what is best is all the unplanned that will come out of it. The jokes and the laughter. The problems that will be overcome. It's fun to watch it all play out.

My nerves are so shot. I really want this director gig. I'm hoping against all odds that our president takes a chance on me. Boy, how wonderful would that be? Someone would have faith in me. I am so excited to do this show. I have lists of ideas and drafts and just stuff! It's exciting! I'm nervous. Sometime in the next two days we find out. I'll let you know.

The plans of the unplanned are simple. Anything that isn't supposed to happen, will happen. However, the outcome of that is laughter, tears, smiles, love, hate, hugs, food, comfort, support, and some of our most cherished moments.

Until less nervous hours,
Me~!

Lying Awake In the Morning

So why i decided to wake up at 8 30 this morning I have no idea. I mean I didn't even go to bed until 1 last night. Of course it was a pretty relaxing night complete with movie and such, but all in all I would say I was beat from my crazy week.

When I did wake up this morning, i just kinda laid in bed. It was really relaxing. No jumping out of bed to race to the shower and beat my roommate. No ugggh I have classes today feeling, though I do have a 10 hour work day with the Big Ten Network today. So not looking forward to running cables all day. But I have three hours to do as I please before that now so what shall I do? Take it easy.

Relaxation: It's beautiful.

I forgot to tell you guys about my interview for director for Jekyll and Hyde. Well I think I blew it. I couldn't get out what I wanted to say for some reason and I think its partially because the girl who interviewed me scares the crap out of me. She really doesn't like me and I have no idea why. I never did anything but be nice to her and she's just a bitch to me. So am I concerned about this? Yes. I think that her judgements of me will affect her decision to take a chance on me for director. ARGH!!! I have so many good ideas, I have been working on this show since the summer. Ways I would love to see things done, etc. All her bias against me has the ability to prevent me from being director. How can I ever start anywhere if no one takes a chance on me? This is why I think someone outside of Thespians should do the interviews, or maybe our faculty advisor because he isn't around all that much but he still knows what's good for the club.

But alas....here I sit waiting until the weekend is over to find out the dreaded news. Who will be the director? Who will be the production staff? Only a little bit of time will tell. And I'm scared!

Until that happy day....
~me

More Snow and More Bad News

All of this time I've planed,
I'd be patient, and,
You would love me again.

You'd come to respect my mind,
and at last you'd find,
You could love me again.

And I have turned my whole world
upside down,
trying not to let you go...
Watching you walk away
is like a fatal blow.
~So Much Better~Legally Blonde the Musical

Snow and Bad news Seems to be a frequenting event these days.

First off, my friend. THe one I wrote about in the previous post. Well he emailed me today just to tell me that he didn't want anything but friendship in our relationship. No biggie right? I always knew the from the start but there is always that little glimmer of hope that maybe things have changed. But alas they did not and I guess this means I get to lost him too. Wow count how many guy friends I've lost this year and it beats out the total number of boyfriends I've had in my lifetime (2).
However, he did just email me back and said he wants to keep our friendship. I'm all down for that.

Second I heard rumors the Christian Borle's last day of Legally Blonde was set for Feb......which would have totally ruined my birthday present. HOWEVER!!!! THE CAST HAS SIGNED THROUGH THE SPRING OF 2008!!!! HOLLA!!! I'm SO EXCITED!

Ok...and besides that...I have neglected my school work to watch Legally Blonde stuff, play in the snow, and live in a Tangsters Paradise... HOLLA TANG GANG!!! But I promise to study hard!

Oh...and look for Shrek the musical set to hit broadway Fall 2008. I'm a little worried. But who's to judge?

Love Until Tomorrow,
Me~

A Snowy Day Brings Sad News

This morning I awoke to snow...and some terrible news.
My Beloved RENT is set to leave broadway on June 1st, 2008. I have only seen the touring cast and if I do not get a chance to see RENT on Broadway before it goes away, I will cry. I was lucky that I even got to see Beauty and the Beast before it went off broadway. That took me paying full price for tickets, which I don't mind doing especially when John Taraglia is wearing something that is form fitting. But aside from that, it was a beautifully amazing show.

WHAT WILL I DO!?! Well I have two chances. Spring Break when I get my 21st Birthday present, a trip to NEW YORK complete with shows!!! I think Im going to go for Three shows but I don't know. It's an overnight trip....my first one. So...ya know we have to celebrate right! JEKYLL AND HYDE CLUB HERE I COME!!! Or I can go during the Thespians trip to NY....which I am planning because I am the awesome Activities Chair! But yeah.... I really hope I get to see it otherwise I am going to kick myself for being in Vail, Co last summer while Gonzo got to see it for her birthday and the phone call I'll never forget:
Gonzo: I got tickets to see RENT with Rapp and Pascal for my bday!!!
Me: I WANNA GO!!!
Gonzo; They are for Aug 6....
Me: WHAT!!! 4 DAYS!!! YOU COULDNT WAIT 4 DAYS!!!! I come home on the 10th....4 stinking days!!!

yeah you get the hint. Anyways that's my sadness for the time being.

Anyways I need a lot of prayers!!! I am interviewing for the Director's position for Jekyll and Hyde tomorrow and I am so nervous. Who ever thought this would be so hard? But it is very very hard! So....I guess I will let you know as soon as I find out!

Until Jeykll and Hyde Production staff list....
Me~

As Sweet as It Sounds

My sweet semester.
I should write a book.
After this semester I could write a book.

Here are what my classes look like at a glance. MW Power Skating and Theatre. FUN!!!! F I only have Power Skating and a whole day off!

T TH I have A sweet English 202 A which is a writing class on Ethnographics with a sweet professor.
A Creative Writing Class...Which I will def get a lot out of
And a production class for Comm

My production class might be my only class from hell this semester. The others I can deal with and schedule proper time to study and what not for. However, this Comm Class might put me over the bucket with stress. I get that sense just by reading the syll. However, I haven't actually been there yet so I'm not sure.

I have factored in time to go to the gym. Have my Bible Study. Cook Dinner. Eat Healthy. Bum it in the Thespian office. Do THON stuff. and Direct....should that position be given to me.

I'M SO PUMPED!!!!

The reason for this post today was not to talk about my schedule....I just forgot what I was actually going to talk about. But if It comes to me later...well then I'll make note of it and write write write.

Until Warmer Days
~ME

Snowy first day of class

So today was the first day of classes and to be honest it was a breeze.

I had power skating in the morning. We didn't do anything but go over the syl,but still. It was nice.

Then I had a break so I went to the office to see if I had any mail in my mailbox and I did not. Shocker. haha.

Then I had my Theatre 130 class which is design and production. I have the costume section first and we went on a little tour and I had a spaz attack because you should see all the stuff we have! ITS BEAUTIFUL!!!! I never even knew about it all. So that was good. I really am going to like that class. The second half I'll be with Mo in the Scenic section. That should be fun because Mo is amazing!

Then I pretty much bummed it all day. I went and got my fabrics and supplies that we don't need for another 2 weeks in Theatre, but I couldn't wait!!! I was so excited! I also made myself a beautiful dinner! Salmon with Red potatoes and dill pickles. It was amazing and I even took a picture of it because I made it look presentable. Maybe I will post it up here one day. I know I keep telling you I will put pictures up, but I'm lazy. haha

A discovery I just made a few minutes ago....there are no good Theatre blogs out there. So if you are a theatre/musical theatre/broadway blogger...PLEASE LET ME KNOW! I'm looking for you! I mean I could just start one, but that would mean that I would have to get all in tune with my shit and I don't have time for that right now. Seriously! haha.

Well that's all. I'm about to hit the gym because I hear that Christian Borle and Sutton Foster are infact separated. Even though Christian is rumored to be cuddly with Legally Blonde Co-Star Laura Bell Bundy, there is still hope! haha I love dreaming!

Until Sweeter Dreams!
~Me!

Love.

Love.
Love.
Love.

What is it about love? Who is to say they are "in love." I mean it has to be two people in a mutual relationship that are "in love."
Or you can just be obsessed, fascinated by, or "in love with" something/someone.

So I have this friend. He's a great friend. My best friend. A friend who saved my butt without ever realizing it. I talk about him whenever I give my testimony because if it wasn't for him I would still be in an abusive relationship with my lovely jerk of a high school boyfriend. But no. This kid. Appears. When I say appears, I mean it, he's a magician. Out of NO WHERE. and saves my butt. Without ever realizing it.
He becomes my best friend.
We go to my Senior Prom together.
We have a blast whenever we hang out.
We tell each other secrets about a deepest dreams.
We laugh at each other and are stupid around each other.
But I don't ever think I would classify us as "in love"

Infact since I've been in college I only get to see him every now and then. But whenever I do get to see him I treasure those times.

HOWEVER

the big However.

He is the ONLY GUY. Who gives my butterflies, every single solitary time I see him. I get nervous when we are in a 2 mile radius of each other. It's Crazy. I mean with Michael, it was like ok butterflies, hes cute whatever. But I mean.....gosh. I wish I could explain.

So lately I was thinking about it. He's a great kid. Good head on his shoulders. Smart. Fun. Sweet. Kind. Knows how to treat a girl. And probably isn't going to college to pursue a career as a magician. However, He is GREAT at what he does. I saw him preform for the first time ever. HE WAS AMAZING!!! I know now why he spends so much time on it. Why he puts his heart and soul into it. It's unbelievable. And it brought me to tears *i'm emotional anyway*. He was beautiful up there. So I decided and not because hes a great magician but because of all of his attributes....that if he ever asked me to marry him or be his girlfriend whatever, I would say yes. However, I'm almost 21 and he is barely 18. So I can't think about it because technically it's against all kinds of laws. Another HOWEVER, his mom LOVES Me. Like whenever I come home and we get together, she tells my mom how glad she is that he and I get to see each other and all this stuff. His family is amazing and super sweet. I love his sisters, both younger than he and so much fun! His dad kinda scares me but he's cool when he's not looking so stern. But the family is great. I'm a family person so that has to be a good quality for me, haha.

I miss him. He's the one guy I know who will always, no matter what, be there for me. Sometimes I just forget that we are so far apart. He's amazing and I wish I could introduce him to everyone I know. Of course, he might be famous who knows. The world might know him before I can introduce him to it! haha

Well I guess that point of this post was just to get that off my chest. I don't know that boy confuses the heck out of me. But he's my fave just the same.

Until Lovely Days

~Me

Chip On My Shoulder

Love,
I put my faith in love
I followed where it lead
To my personal circle of Hell
It has not worked out well
I wish that I were dead

Cause instead of a wedding in love
I'm flunking out of school
A total laughing stock
Someone he and his friends could just mock
So go on, here's my head
Just hand over the rock!
~Chip on my shoulder~Legally Blonde the Musical

Ok so yesterday I took my sister to her Christmas present. We went to NYC and it was fun. I was a crab a bit of the day. I do have to say. I was tired, achey, and everyone with us wanted to do different things. I had planned this day for a while with places I wanted to go and things I wanted to see and do, but i couldn't do it because I had my mom and brother and Corey with me. Ughh it was frustrating sometimes.

We got our tickets, sweet seats, to Legally Blonde the musical. It was amazing. Everyone should go see it. I was able to wait outside after the show and get autographs and some pictures. We got Kyle's (Andy Karl) and Brooke's (Nikki Snelson) Pictures and a ton of autographs. I was a little upset that Laura Bell Bundy ( Elle) and Christophe Borle (Emmitt) didn't come out. I really wanted to see them. But no angry because the show was amazing and the cast sweet.
The show has amazing songs. The lyrics are great and I like the meaning. The chemistry between Elle and Emmitt was beautiful, which made for a great show. You can really tell how good a show is by the chemistry the actors have with each other. It was good. I am very very very tempted to go see it again. I'm hooked on the music and wanting to go back haha.

Love broadway.

The rest of the day was good. Went to canal street. Ate at the Stardust and some strange place called Mars 2112. But besides that it was cool. An good day. A great day!

I worked today... big mistake. I couldn't keep my eyes open. haha. Well I better get to bed or something.... I'm so tired.

Until another trip to 7th and Broadway...
~me

Where do we go from here?

This isn't where we intended to be. We had it all. You believed in me. I believed in you. Certainties disappear. What do we do for our dreams to survive? How do we keep all the passion alive as we used to do? (You Must Love Me~Evita~the one with Madonna)

And that's how I feel. I mean kinda. I have come to a realization of many and few. I relay on people to make me happy.
I'd like to give God the credit for revealing this to me because it is only by losing a best friend, a close friend, letting go of an exboyfriend,forgiving, and being loved by a friend who is nothing but naked honest with me, was I able to see this.

All of this happened within a month and I felt like I had no one and I was miserable. Therefore, Christmas was horrible. WEll i mean it wasn't horrible, it wasn't Christmas. I mean come on. Christmas day my brother went to see his Girlfriend and my little sister's boyfriend came over for a few hours. Seriously? Would that make you feel lonely, bitter, upset? This is something I struggle with now more than ever. I feel this is because both of my siblings are younger than me and they are in relationships that can potentially last a lifetime. THey are going at the perfect rate and each person is growing, i can see it. Its like perfect and it kind of makes me sick a little because I'd give the world to be that happy. However, in all honesty, I should be that happy anyway because I am blessed in many ways and one of them being my amazing family. Not to mention, it was just CHristmas and New Years and there is a wedding in July that we are going to and can maybe possibly probably bring dates. I will be dateless.

Tell me something....How do I pick the bad eggs? Do you think God is telling me to stop picking my boyfriends and start listening to Him? I think its possible. However, I am not even close to guys any more. At one point in my life you couldn't get me off the basketball court and out of baggy shorts unless u tied me a chair (never happened). Now I've hit that girl stage or whatever and I hardly know guys. I mean outside of the gay ones or taken ones. Seriously? It always happens. Maybe God is just telling me to shut up. Stop listening to your head Lauren, listen to Me. Stop going with your heart Lauren, let Me guide you. Right?

I wallow. I do that. It's not healthy. So I'm trying to stop it. However, I need to be in constant reminder that i can't do anything without God. I mean He needs to be with my constantly.

So I think it's time for some change. And maybe a little sunshine to every day.

What Amazing Grace has found me.

Until smiley faces
~Me

The Bridge Band. 2007. 2008. Washington D.C. Radiate07. Love. Him.

So this weekend was a big weekend.
I didn't want to go because I wanted to stay home with my family and be selfish when I should of just been selfless. However, I went.

It ended up being a great time. Radiate is always a good time. THe speakers=amazing. The Bridge Band= beyond amazing. I don't think I would have gone if Phil wasn't speaking and the Bridge Band wasn't playing. Also, Auntie Ann (ya know the pretzel lady) Spoke and gave us free pretzels. It was cool. She's Christian which is sweet and she's Very passionate about it.

A passionate Love for the Lord. Wow. Sometimes I forget what that looks like because I get so caught up in my daily trials. Who am I do cry woe is me? Sure its ok to admit we are failures and we fall. Jesus loves us anyway. But man. If He didn't do enough for us already. How selfish can we be? Man oh man.

I was able to see the Holocaust Museum and some other things in DC. Pray for UDC and the campus there. and hang out with some sweet friends of mine from school.

The night before New Years we had an amazing worship session. I know that 2008 is going to be a year of change and challenge for me. After all, I didn't ask God for the easy life. I feel that I am being called to step up. To go out of my comfort zone and do things I would normally play it safe and say no to. For example, I have been struggling about going to do the Disney College Program in the fall, this means I would miss my last football season, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years with my family. I prayed a lot for that because I need to apply when I get to school. I feel like I am being compelled to go there. To study there for the experience and maybe because God has sometime in store there for my life. I promised to trust God with His plans for me. It's really hard to do that by the way. However, wherever He leads me, I'm sure there will be good things even if I have to struggle to get them. I think this year will be a year of healing, of fully relying on God and so much more. I can't really explain it. I just know it's going to be big.

New Years Eve, We worshiped in the New Year. THe Bridge Band played an amazing Praise Set and man if you could see it. It was beautiful! God was probably crying tears of joy. I don't know that for sure but it was beautifully amazing.

Now I'm home and I couldn't be more glad. I have plans to rest and relax, maybe go see Peter Pan in Philly this week. Who knows.

Until snowy snowmen,
Have a blessed 2008!
~ME

On the Road Again

Christmas this year was amazing...I think everyone liked their gifts and we had a great time.

I dunno it just didn't feel like Chirstmas this year for some reason.

The day after I had the financial talk with my dad about what i need to do when i get out of school blah blah blah and so on. It was a great talk and I might go to Disney for the college program in the fall. ( a dream of mine).

Today I leave again. I leave for D.C. for Cru's regional conference Radiate. I'll be there until the first. This is the second year in a row I don't get to spend new years with my family. I really don't want to go to conference but I already made the $80 deposit fee. Oh well that's life I guess. THey make you sign up for this thing almost a full month ahead of time and to get the discounted price u have to pay the deposit fee by a certain date. So I did that cause I could not afford to pay 300$ for this thing. And now I don't even want to go. Ugh. I'll just deal with it. Im sure Ill have a blast when Im down there.

I wont be writing until after the first so have a great New Year all!!!!!

Until 2008
Me~

Christmas at Bernie and Joe's, A Trip to the ER, and More!

YAY!!! It's the Most Wonderful Time of the YEar!

So this past Saturday we went down to my Grandparents house for Christmas!!! It's tradition, I love it I'm not complaining! Well it was a bit more exciting this year. Not only were presents sure amazing piled high and included a Belle Princess Pillow for me, but there was some special. See with my dad being sick this summer and me not being home, it was hard on my family to prep my bro for college, take care of home stuff, mom to run a bball team, and take care of 16 yr old wild child like my sister. So my Aunt, Uncle, and cousins (my mom's sister and her fam) stepped in. They have 2 daughters my sisters age and mine. So we're close. THey did a lot for us, including keeping me up to par via email when my mom could not. Or making that phone call to CO to say hi and send love. So my dad goes out and buys them a Wii. Well.... no one saw it coming. So they get this nice card and the 4 of them are huddled around it holding this box and reading together. Then they open it. Oh Boy I wish I could show you the expressions that filled the room.So much excitement (and disappointment from my family cause we didnt get one). Then another box comes out for us from my dad and low and behold...we got a Wii too!! SO MUCH FUN!!! We set my cousin's Wii at my grandparents house and everyone was playing...My poppop was the one who was the most into it though. Haha hat was a sight to see. So a lovely surprise for us this Christmas.

Last night I went to the ER. It's not a trip home unless I go to the ER. The summer after my freshman year at school I fell out of my door and horribly sprained my foot in August. THen that winter i had an asthma attack in the ER. Nothing happened this THanksgiving, that I can remember. But Low and behold... I was in the ER last night. Another one of my famous Asthma attacks. I swear one minute your fine, the next your coughing and gasping for air, they sneak up on ya. We didn't stay because it was like full and we had to wait, after a half hour of waiting I felt better, the nurse listened to my lungs and she said i was fine and i could go. We didn't get Charged! Merry Christmas us!! I'm a little better now... just being careful.

I worked today. I don't want to be a scrooge or anything but I LOVE WORKING the day before Christmas. People tip so well. My co-waitress and I only did a total of 40 checks and we made well over $100. That's good considering a good day at the Diner is like $80 or less. Too bad it all has to go to my next car payment.

Well tonight we go to Mass and then head over to My aunts to hang out. We'll come home. I'll sneak my sister's gift downstairs and hide the pieces to it for her hunt tomorrow (more on that later). My bro, well he can wait lol. I can't wait for the Walt Disney World Christmas parade in the morning and Christmas brunch with dad's mom and dad. So excited! Christmas is awesome!! Even though I have been a grump because I'm the only one single around here these days and so I don't get any mistletoe kisses, jewlery, or what not again this Christmas. I've been better the past few days.... haha

MERRY CHRISTMAS ALL!!!

~Me~

Oh My Anthony Bourdain

So I'm sitting here watching No Reservations. For those of you unfamiliar to this show... It is Anthony Bourdain as he travels the world discovering cultures and great food.

Well I love Anthony Bourdain. I am in the process of reading his book Kitchen Confidential, though I am not past the first chapter yet, and I am amazed. He's amazing. It might just be my love of chefs. I mean if there is anything I love more than theatrically talented men, it's a man who can cook well and does it with perfection. While Bourdain's life isn't perfect, he's had is drug use days, I still can't help but love him for his talent and ability have a fun life.

Watching No Reservations, a show I recently became hooked on thanks to my Heroes buddy, I just fall even more in love with him. Also, I get to learn a lot about other cultures. I don't get to eat a lot of things (meat allergy) but I do love watching how different cultures make their favorite foods. It's great!

And now....



I cannot wait to see this movie!!! I am so in love with the first one, that the second has to be amazing. Ok I am a sap for the love story that just so happens to appear in the first one. I hope that it gets continued in the second. I cannot wait for the adventure and the clues and trying to solve this movie. I am so very very excited!!! I think Chuck is taking me on Friday and I'm SUPER EXCITED!!!

I'm taking my 3 little boy cousins to see Alvin and the Chipmunks on Saturday. They were really excited when I mentioned it. Pray for me cause they are a handful! haha

TOP CHEF MARATHON!!! that means I have to go...

Until Mistletoe Kisses...
Me

Merry Christmas...let me cause an accident for you...

So one thing that really irks me about the Holidays is drivers...
Yes I am a driver, but I am very aware of my surroundings. I think this has to do with the fact that my car is brand new and I don't want to hurt it.

So Sarah and Ben, my fave couple, and I went to the big mall today to the Apple store so I could get the sims and Ben could get the Leopard system. But on the way... we almost got into three accidents. Count em. 3. One was a huge white truck who didn't know what a turn signal was. Another was someone who had no clue where they were going, and another was another car who didn't know what a turn signal was.

Note to Holiday shoppers Everywhere: KNOW THE AREA YOU ARE DRIVING TO. LEARN HOW TO USE YOUR CAR, turn signals, breaks, etc.
DONT TALK ON YOUR CELL PHONE WHILE DRIVING...OR CHECK EMAIL..OR WHATEVER ELSE YOU CAN DO!
Finally: PAY ATTENTION!!!

The last thing we need is people dying because of careless people on the road.

Ok that's my rant...

Christmas is soon!!!

P.S. all I want for Christmas is a nice guy...Santa, do you think this is at all possible?

Later Dayz

Me~

Christmas Movies Galore and Losing a Best Friend

So I am at home. Sorry it has been a while between posts. I was getting situated to come home and finishing up classes.

It's been rough you know. I finished my 14 page Script analysis final and I have been working on my Comm 410 final which only have to be 5-6 pages long, but I'll be lucky if I reach that. I don't even think that I am doing this final right, but I just don't have time. I am wiped clean from that 14 pager on Spring Awakening (it was a lot of fun but Spring Awakening isn't exactly a cheery play. Lots of death and stuff). I need to do well on this but something in my gut tells me I'm doing it wrong. Rob checked out my first two pages and said it looked fine, but who the heck knows...he does do better on his papers then me though. I'm taking a break from it until I can get Lexus Nexus to work....more than likely on the other computer. So I can find stuff to add. Grrr I hate papers...this is why I am a comm major.

I had that talk with my parents last night. You know the one about what happens now that I am almost a senior and what I am supposed to do with my life and so on.... I cried, my dad always makes me feel horrible about it. I mean I did get an internship and I am doing a Co-op with that company next semester but for some reason it's not enough because I'm only making $8 an hr. Then I got yelled at because they know all I really want to do is theatre and they kept repeating...you don't make any money is theatre. blah blah blah. stressful. So stressful. I just want to do something I love. and to be honest, besides theatre I don't know what that is. Yeah doing stuff with comm is fun and all but its the people that make it fun. I don't really want to live out of a suitcase ding freelance. I don't want to be a teacher. I just want to make people smile. So maybe I will do an internship in Disney. Maybe I will give up my senior year of PSU football. Who knows. All I know is that it's time to step up.

I have been watching Christmas movies a lot since I've been home. Love Actually was last night when I had writers block trying to describe the purpose of the Masked Gentleman in Spring Awakening. I love Love Actually. Great movie. However, its hard because well I have to be alone on Christmas since you know guys are jerks blah blah blah. I wish it was different a lot of times. Sometimes I just wish I knew what i was doing wrong. He'll come around someday I suppose, that Prince Charming of mine.

Now onto the Losing a Best Friend Part. My ex turned 21 this past weekend. Actually Yesterday was his birthday...Happy Birthday ex, you'll never know. Funny thing is, I broke up with him because he was being a jerk and I still have feelings for him. Or maybe it's just the fact that I still feel/care for him. Whatever. ANyway my best friend, a guy, who is also his best friend, who just so happened to get a girlfriend while i was away over the summer (lost yet?), out of nowhere stopped talking to me. I was like ummm ok. Stopped calling me to get coffee, stopped everything. I even bought him a Christmas gift, which is goin right back to the store. I just don't get it. So the theme of the week is my lack of trust in guys because of the boys in Nittany Gardens...I mean come on. Thats just a jerky move right there. Prolly something with his girlfriend. Prolly because I was upset he wouldn't work for me on a night when i was getting three hrs a sleep because he had to visit his gf who he was going to see in 2 weeks. Ugh you can't even call them Men because they are really just immature boys.

So if you are wondering why the blog is called Romantic's Song...it's because I hope that maybe one male who reads this, any male in the world, will treat some lucky lady better than I myself have been treated. And Maybe it will catch like some disease. Maybe there are guys out there telling their friends that what they are doing is stupid, immature, and unfair to girls everywhere. Not to mention, disrespectful, hurtful, and trust threatening. It hurts. So maybe, dude, whoever you are. PLease make a difference. So I know that some girl out there is being made happier than me because he guy is not a jerk.

Until Faithful Men~
(I promise I won't be that long)

Me

Snowy Ice Rain

That describes my morning anyway. For some reason the weather can't decide what it wants to do before it drops a huge snowstorm on us. Today on my way to Starbucks it was clearly sleeting (ice rain), then it started raining and now I'm sitting in starbucks (I was studying) and its snowing....big flakes, then small ones, then fast and slow. It's crazy.

I have a test today I need to do well on. I was hoping that it got cancelled but no such luck. I have been studying for the past two days. I feel ok about the material. It's only 50 Multiple Choice Questions. But it's the last test of the semester and we don't have a final. I am nervous a bit. After that I have my last official class of Italian. Tomorrow we have an essay exam. 100-120 words in Italian on a movie we saw for the Italian Film Series. The movie I saw was ok. But we have to write these if clauses and stuff...it's confusing. But it's my last Italian class EVER!!!!

My grades this semester....not so hot. I think I might get one A. That is to say if I do well on the final paper. That A would be in THeatre...how can I get anything less in a Theatre class. I love it! I expect somewhere in the B area for the rest of my classes. It makes me nervous and unsettled but as long as they are no C's right? It's just that at the end of last Semester I had a 3.64 GPA and now I'm not going to get that. No way. If I'm lucky a 3.0 which will drop my Cume GPA to like a 3.0. It's only at a 3.3 now. Oh grades why do you haunt me. Sometimes I fee like Moritz from Spring Awakening. I would never kill myself over grades, but I can see where he comes from. If people didn't put so much pressure on us to do well in school, I think we would enjoy it more. We wouldn't feel like we have to be there. We would be there because we do want to learn. We'd do a lot better that way. No one would be forced to think about money and such. We would only think about what we would love to do and we would become successful that way.

I wish it was that easy.

I am excited because I am going home this weekend. What day I have no idea because of the Noreaster...gotta love them! I might have to go home alone now. I was driving someone but if I have to leave early he can't come with me. It would be horrible to go home alone in a snow storm. I would be scared. I don't worry so much about my driving as I do other peoples. It's kinda scary. Anyways I better go and get to the class to study for 45 min b4 the exam. Then I can sell back my last book and work on my final 2 papers. Then I will be done after this weekend. No final exams for me. Just Final essays. one of which is on Blogger!!! Get excited haha.

Until cozy fireplaces....
~me~

A Snow White Kiss

So earlier in this season...well the fall season, maybe late summer season..I wrote about how every girl wants to be kissed in the rain. Or at least I do...I like rain! And it's really romantic and cute. However today it is snowing.... a light but nice coating snow.
I decided that every girl should want what I will call a Snow White Kiss...not a "I got poisoned by an apple and asleep Prince come rescue me!" and by Prince, I mean the Handsome Prince...not the singer.
Anyway..the Snow What Kiss would happen in the winter (duh) when the snow is falling gently. It should be unexpected. Like when making snow angels or laughing after slipping. It should be special and sweet. If it happens in a snow storm...it won't be romantic. It must be when the snow is falling gently.
That is my romantic thought for the day.

Some extra thoughts: If I am paying money to go to class in the winter...I want coat hooks on the wall....It is very awkward to sit in class with a heavy coat on. Also, putting it on the back of the chair, the floor, etc makes it dirty. Seriously....coat hooks.

I have work but I don't feel like doing it. I think I have all the time in the world but really I don't. I should get started on more work, but seriously...its just not workin for me. Homework stinks. I'm against it. But alas...I am going to college.

However! I got a real job. I am a production assistant at the public broadcasting station. Granted it pasy a little over min wage...but my boss is pushing to get us more money. The university only allows him to pay so much. He doesn't like it. Upon my completion of my internship with them is how i got it and I am so very excited for it!!!

Well I better go study Italian or write a paper on blogs or finish my internship paper...something productive.

Until warm fires (in fireplaces of course)
~Me

Purity comes in many forms....snow is one of them

Ah snow is beautiful. It coats everything white and some how everything seems brand new. It sparkles and it shines.
It's beautiful!
Today it snowed...while the weather itself was horrible, wind, sleet, etc., The snow was beautiful. It felt so pure. Probably because its the first snow I've seen all year...except in CO this summer.

It was GREAT!!!!

I feel like Christmas. I feel like Disney World. I really really really want to go to Dinsey World this Christmas break. I might go too! For something like 3 days in Disney World! I LOVE DISNEY WORLD!!! It will be my birthday present... SO I'm either going in Jan or May...before or after my birthday.
I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT TO GO!!!!

Disney is like my fave place in the world. That and Ireland and Italy. THree fave places. But DISNEY is the top. One day I will work there making people's dreams come true. I love making people's dreams come true! Seriously! SERIOUSLY!!!! Seeing smiles on peoples faces just awww man its AWESOME!!!

You gotta try it sometime...just smile and say hi to people. It works!

Until DISNEY!!!!

Frostbite~ For The Kids

So this weekend's canning trip was wonderful!!! I'm really proud of the Thespians stepping it up and raising some money. The title of this post comes from the chilly chilly weather, wind, and standing outside in the cold for hours! We raised a lot of money for the kids! However, some of us came close to getting some pretty nasty frostbite! We had a great time though. THe girls beat the boys 2-1 in battle of the sexes. It was great!

Last night I got in an argument with my roommate...I mean seriously people. She doesn't pay the frick attention. Half the time she doesn't know I'm here or that I've left. Then she has like 50 ppl over when I'm trying to sleep. It stinks because the other two girls in the apt are friends with her too and they all have the same group of friends. THere is a party for one of our roommates birthday's tonight and I am going to leave in a bit to choose a cozy corner of Starbucks (hopefully) to sit in. This way I can get ahead on some work and also just relax. I'll be able to do a little blog surfing and check out what's good and not good. Just kidding, most of the blogs I read are pretty sweet. But still... I wish I could just sit and watch a movie. For once in peace. I tried to watch Hairspray today while I was making my Christmas Cards to send out... don't you know they decide to finally arrive home from Church at 3 In the middle of the movie and make noise the whole time.... Then my roommate tries to be nice after last night and I was about to hit her....it's all fake. Seriously. It's getting really annoying. I have a feeling there might be a HUGE fight breaking out soon...not to mention its really hard to do school work in a place that has so much stinkin tension.

Anyways enough complaining. I have gotten a lot of work done in the past two days. This frees up more time to work on my two huge papers I have due during finals week. Also it frees up time to finish the work I have for this upcoming week and time to see the Italian movie I have to see before next Friday for our final paper....Finally I'll be done Italian 3!!! I hope to get a head start on these things and have them done before I leave on the 15th. That's right...no finals!!! Just projects and such!!!

OH IT SNOWED LAST NIGHT!!!! And I took my Christmas Card Pictures in it!!! It was great!

Until Snowier days!
~Me~

I Keep Giving In But I Should Know Better

I'm so stupid. Some brilliant people put it into my head that I could ask a guy out and how could he say no.
Well ta da! THe no was said in a very nice way. But still. I am wounded. It kinda hurts. I dunno.

It's weird because I hate asking guys out. It's everything I stand against. However, I saw Enchanted and Disney put a twist on things and then my friends were like "see..." so I tried it.
I should just listen to myself. It would only have gone wrong and it did. I hope things aren't weird. I would like to stay friends with this person. I hope we will.

Anyways...I guess God is trying to tell me to shut my brain up and start listening to him. So here are the lyrics to a song that I have found as a help for that.

Oh heart of mine, why must you stray?
From one so fair you run away
And one more time you have to pay
The heaviness of needless shame

Oh heart of mine, come back home
You've been too long out on your own
And He's been there all along
Watching for you down the road

So come home running
His arms are open wide
His name is Jesus
He understands
He is the answer
You are looking for
So come home running
Just as you are

~Come Home Running~ Chris Tomlin

until unbroken hearts....

~me~

WHAT IS GOING ON?
All of a sudden I found myself freaking out today. I was super stressed for no reason. I mean I have no work due tomorrow, but I do have a lot of work due in the next few weeks. I have gotten a good lead on all of those projects but I am going canning this weekend so maybe I feel like I am losing time. I have no idea. Its just bad I guess. But then I calmed down. haha

I visited this site for class globalvoicesonline.org and I came upon this really upsetting video about how Japanese fishermen are slaughtering dolphins. It was really graphic and not what I wanted to see. Then Hayden Panettire showed up. I she was like crying for them (she surfs just like me! haha sry that's my Heroes obsession getting the best of me). That part made me laugh a little but the rest I was like ready to cry. Ugh why do people have to be so mean. Dolphins are the most peaceful creatures for the most part. Not to mention that they are beautiful.

Today I have a lot to do. I want to work more on the stuff I have due but I can't. I might be able to for like an hour, but I probably won't because I'm lazy sometimes. I have to go get fleece for my little's Christmas gift. Then I have to get posterboard for the posters for this weekend. Then I have to print out pictures to put on the posters and then go see my little. Hopefully we can put the posters together. I dunno. Then I have Cru and then a top secret meeting for next weekend! Yay for inductions into Thespians! Love it!

Maybe that's why I'm stressed?
I spilled coffee all over my bookbag today in starbucks.....man its just that kind of day. I smelt really sweet all day lol.

Until less messy days....
me

Tomorrow is a brighter day

Hey!!

So the tests came back negative!!! It was scary to go alone, but I survived and I am very healthy! I feel so blessed.

Thanksgiving was AMAZING!!! My family and friends OH how I LOVE them! I am constantly amazed by them. The musical at my high school was beyond words. I was in awe! I love those kids as well!

I am just full of love! It's great to be back! 3 weeks til Christmas Break!

We are inducting new members into Thespians this semester and that's fun! We have communion for them, which is not like church. It's a lot more fuN! I'm really excited.

I have no insightful thoughts today. Just that my arm hurts a little because a nail went into my wrist last night. Not too far, but still scary. Just missed a vein which would have been fun! haha no.

Until Snowy Days (of which have yet to appear)

~Me

One day at a time

I'm scared.
Tomorrow is scary.
Tomorrow I go for a check up and I get to ask questions.
I'm scared.

Things are not right in my body. I'm all out of whack. Bruises won't heal and I'm weak, a lot. I'm worried.

Finding strength is hard. Finding peace is easy. Trusting that things will be ok is easy.

I have my theatre friends, the ones who know care a lot. They've gotten me through the semester without worry. Loving hugs and smiles. They can see through me. They know I'm terrified to find out. Even if I am fine, its still scary.

The one thing I am fighting to find a cure for, is what I might have. And then what?

Lord,
I am scared. Please be by my side. I know you will be. Comfort me oh Lord.


I am scared.

Being Content In A World That is Never Content

Today is beautiful. For the past two days it has rained and that was beautiful. I woke up early this morning so that I could go to starbucks and do work. This is what greated me: A nice warm shower. The sun coming up on a beautiful fall day. Brisk weather to let me know that fall has finally arrived here. A nice quiet morning at Starbucks with a delicious blueberry muffin and a nice grande carmel macchiato. Walking onto campus and glancing up and down the mall to see trees of every color greating me with falling leaves. It was a beautifully breathtaking, peacefilling, sight.
Today for the first time since I have arrived here at school.... I feel peace.

I have been so busy with homework, internship, ice rink work, Thespian stuff, THON canning/planning, THON Morale, and everything else in this world that tells me I always need more, that I forgot to take a step back and look around. When I finally did, the beauty of fall brought me to my knees. Not literally, but I sure felt that way. God has created this beauty that we daily ignore because something better or more time consuming or thought consuming is in this world. Our world is never satisfied. We are always being told there there is more to do, more to see, more important things then what is around us. But stop and look. Where ever you are right now, your office cubicle, in a classroom with 450 other students, in your room, on your deck, in a computer lab, wherever, just stop and take in the beauty. Think about all the reasons God has placed this place in your life. Think about the beauty of that gray wall between you and the guy who drinks 50 cups of coffe and has that horrible looking lunch at work, think about the reasons why you are where you are and just be content. For one moment just be content and thank God for everything he has placed in your life because there is nothing better then where you are right now. After all, things could be a lot worse.

Be content in a world that is never content.

It is so beautiful how God does these things to us. Last night I met with my Morale team to think of a name and we did no work at all. Instead we spent the time getting to know each other. It was perhaps one of the best nights of my life. I got to know so many people who I will be working closely with until the end of Feburary and everything we do will be FTK (For The Kids) or FTD (For the Dancers). Its really beautiful.

But alas I have class and must be off.
Remember: BE CONTENT!

FTK/FTD
ME~

Cause I've been in love before and I've found that love was more than just holding hands

So i just realized what a depressed bum I've been in the last few entries. Why did I choose to live that way? What did I do to make my life miserable? Because I know that if something is bad in my life, more than likely, I made it that way. Because the Lord wants what's best for me and therefore, if I am struggling with things that are causing me pain, I am keeping them from the Lord. Well enough of that... I am done! Alas! I have chosen to once more give heart fully to God. WHEEEEEE! It's such a freeing feeling.

Ok so it's not as easy as that. It takes a lot of steps and yes it is very freeing. I have chosen to accept and make the best of my living situation. Forget about boys until God places them into my life and Live a life worthy of the Father's love. But we are never fully worthy of the Father's love, we are always dirty and stained but He loves us anyway. Making us White as Snow when we confess our sins to Him. Is He not beautiful? Is He not the studliest man you have ever seen? And even though He is fully man and fully God we can love Him just the same. That beautifully amazing grace that has Saved through a Father's love for a Son and their love for what they have created. Us.

It takes my breath away everytime kids. Everytime.

I wish this heat would die down. I am excited cause it is supposed to be 68 or something tomorrow...thats a good drop around here from the 85 + humidity we have been getting. I will be able to exercise without fainting. Dance, sing, and live without being sick.

Oh but I am sick, we just aren't quite sure what's wrong with me yet. It's going to be ok though. I trust that I will be ok. The Lord has done wonderful things in and through me. He will take care of me. He's my rock on which I stand.

Oh what fun I have been having! Dance parties, Juggling, Hayrides, Singing, Bible Study, and Acting I couldn't ask for more. But we all become blindsided by our problems and they take over us. THey cause us pain and make us lazy. That will be no more of me. I have choosen action against the problems of my life. I am so excited to start!

Until a rainy day!!!!!
As always.
Me

keepin thoughts part 2

Sometimes I think of a perfect day with many inperfections. Of getting lost on they way to our destinatio and of being the only one able to calm you down. I think of the show and the song. The Jekyll and Hyde club and the creepy alien thing. Of bad bathroom stories and the filming of Spiderman 3. I think about riding home with my head on your shoulder. And about your mom giving me directions. I think about the stars, the smile, my hands in yours and the words you couldn't say. I think of the line; "This is how I know, this is what I see, this is love to me." and I think about how with the words you couldn't say, I ruined it all. It's a memory I can't seem to erase.

more thoughts to be kept. Sometimes I wonder why I just cant erase that stupid memory.

Keepin thoughts

You know when you have feelings and things just come out?
I just wrote this to a friend:
Dear friend, can I call you friend? Are we friends any more? I've seemed to have lost you and now I can't find you. I was crazy once and you never left now I'm sane and you've seemed to have gone. Dear friend, can I call you friend? Are you there, do you hear me? I miss you sometimes, like when I used to cry and you'd be there. When I said I was in love and died all in the same summer. Dear friend, can I call you friend? Did I do something wrong or have you just replaced me with a million others. Dear friend, I miss you and I don't want to lose you like I lost the other. Dear friend, can I call you friend? Are you there?

You know what's sad? It's the truth. Something really funny I have observed in the past two years. When people live with other people, they are very easily influenced....they become different and then they are gone. Just like that.

I saw him today and I Just kinda smiled and waved because he smiled and waved at me but on the inside I died. I died because everytime I see him my heart aches for him. Not because I learned what it was like to have a perfect day with many imperfections, but because he is lost. And I ache because he looked me in the face and said, "I don't care about you and I never cared about you. I don't want a friendship and the relationship we had wasn't real." I die inside because I want for him so badly to know Christ and be the man I know he can be. His heart is so beautiful but I have not seen any beauty lately. He doubts a lot, its always been that way. He doesn't know how to trust and he's not willing to learn and my heart aches for him. It aches day and night because he lost something that he will never get back and I lost someone who I cared about very deeply. And do you know what I don't understand? I don't understand why he thinks he can smile and wave at me, when he looked me in the eyes and said, "I don't want a friendship with you." And my heart aches for him.

Anyways aside from the monologue there...things are ok. A little rough around the edges but thats life. Beauty in the making by the grace of God through trials created by Him to bring me closer to HIs heart. It's a blessing rather than a curse. I have faith that things will be ok in the end. Because our hearts are bigger than our toughts.

until a crisp fall day...

"And when everyone says it can't be done, Ducks Fly Together."

The Quote is from Mighty Ducks D2. Great movie....

So this weekend besdies having an awesome football game....I pretty much watched movies. I Think the total was 7. This is because I had one of the hardest weekends probably ever.

Friday night I hit a super low point. This semester has been crazy for the first two weeks and everyone is busy over their necks. I have not gotten to hang out with my friends that much and I've been hurt by them even more. The fact is, I ask my friends to let me know if anything is going on and they always go out, but no one ever tells me. Well ok, I think to myself something is wrong. Friday night I would say I caught a semi heat/depression bug because i was real real low and it was hard.

Saturday was that amazing football game I was telling you about. I love it when our boys win! I always went and hung out with a friend at the student center and we just chilled. It was sweet.

Sunday: well my hometown boys lost. It was a really sad day. I had a few of the guys over and I cooked for them and we watched the game. Then I did my homework, but I finished it all early so I had nothing to do but watch movies. All my friends had homework and stuff so no one wanted to hang out. It was kinda sad.

Now we are into the school week. I start my internship today. I'm excited, but it might mean that I have to miss out on BIble Study. Thats a rough one for me. However on wednesday I have the Bible study that I am co leading so that is good. I can't wait to hang out with those girls. They are so much fun!

Well I must be off to class now. I hope everything is well whever you are!

Until colder days....

College...."This is real life."

Thanks to J.Bott for: "This is real life."

My first two years of college have been blind eye experiences. I go to a top party school and I have never really been introduced into that setting too heavily. I do hang out with theatre kids and well that setting is almost a given. But I have had gracious friends who respect me for me.

This year being year three my eyes have been opened. The other day I went to my 10 10 class and sat next to a kid who it seems had drank a lot the pervious night or early that morning and he smelt so badly of alcohol that i wanted to up chuck. But its true. People have had a party every night this week here at school. I mean talk about being excited for school.... My heart really goes out to those people who live their lives at parties. Who have nothing but parties to look forward to or getting drunk. Is life really all that bad?

Another thing...I've been becoming and overachiver. I am swamping myself. I think its just to get away from some things that I will have to face eventally mainly my living situation. Hopefully after this week things will be slower.

Finally, I am tired of giving my all for certain people/clubs and getting walked all over. I've come to learn that it doesnt matter how much you love something or even if you are decent at what you do...its all about who is popular, who holds the most in the club, and who is friends with the Heads. It's really quite upsetting because I am ready to leave a group that is so dear to my heart because its what I love to do, and then I would not have a place to enjoy what i love to do. I hate the situation I'm in and I'm trying to work it out. We will see how this semester goes.

Until sunshinny days... and less humid ones at that.

Wanna find you there wanna hold on tight

So after watching High School Musical 2, which was really good, I've decided that I want something like this. I want a guy who will stand out in the rain and kiss me. One who will realize when he is wrong and make up for it. One who will try and make every day special.

I pray that God will send him when we are both ready and I wish that would be soon, but something tells me it's going to be a while. Good guys these days are hard to come by.

I leave for school on Monday and I am excited but I'm really upset that I've only had a week with my family. I know this is what real life is going to look like and that I have to cherish every moment with them. So I will, I just wished my dad and my brother felt the same way. I know things will be ok, everyting turns out ok.

Until Longer days....

"I miss my friend"

To put is shortly and nicely some of my friends have strayed. I miss them. They have become different since I left for Colorado and now that I have returned I am worried. Of course there are those who have stood with me by and by. No matter how far away they go, they are always there for me. But I am slowly finding out that others just dont care. It makes me upset. I thought some of these people were my closest friends. I guess thats the way the cookie crumbles in life. People come and go. I am going to miss my friends.

Being home from Colorado is great. I went for a run today and it felt good. I might consider one again tomorrow. Tomorrow night i Have date night with Paul Michael. I miss him its been just about 5 months since I've last seen him. We are grabing some dinner and I can't wait to tell him about Colorado and to see his reaction when I order a salad. I miss my magical magician friend Paul and I am so excited to spend time with him.

I am hoping to go to Hershey Park before heading back up to school on Monday. This should be interesting, finding people to go is hard.

I got a new car and we named it Sharpay the Escape. My best friend Sarah thinks that its a boy car I still think its a girl car but how do you tell?

GOd has been great to me and Im so excited to see what plans He has in store. Next week is Raystown and I am excited excited for it.

I must be off. I am tired and tomorrow we are going to IKEA for some apt things and cooking supplies! I AM SO HAPPY TO BE HOME!!!!

Dad update: Hes great! He is slimming and his meds are working well. Hopefully he will be fully recovered by Christmas but we will keep praying.

Until colder days...

Put you're tiny hand in mine, look how I hold it, look how we shine.

Today I watched Boy Meets World for the first time in a long time! Its the first time I've really watched tv out here. It was the college years ep. and It was a test of trust between Cory and Tapanga. Cory took of his ring after he went to a club where girls hardly wear anything yet in the end he realized that he just needed to know that Tapanga would trust him always but he needed to realize as well that she had feelings.
I kept thinking, I want that. I want a love like that. A love that is never ending, unfailing. I want a relationship like Cory and Tapanga.

I went to ballet tonight. I realized that my future Husband better love the ballet well at least like it because I LOVE IT! Its so beautiful and passionate. If I could use my left foot more I'd take it back up but alas the sprain is still healing and the tendons will never be right. Anyway the point is its beautiful. I love art and the arts.

I dunno guys. I Just keep thinking....it would be nice to be persued.... so I'll wait until it happens. Until then...ah well.

Long time

Hey Kids
It's been a long time since my last post. I realize this and ask you not to worry about me. I am alive and safe. There has just been a lot going on around here lately and I've barely had time to check my email let alone do everything else. I still have to send out my support team email and update them.

Some things that have gone on:

Working on the project video
Went to Cru Staff Conference for the day on Sat
Went in a waterfall on sunday
Things have just been a little bit crazy during the week with work and meetings and such.
I am loving my time in Vail

I cannot wait until I get home. I might be going to Atlantis when I get home in the summer. Depends on if we get the passports in time and everything.

My dad is back at work Praise God! He seems to be doing so much better but prayers are always good.

Please keep praying for our project, our coworkers, the Vail Valley, Safe trips home, and life after Vail. Also pray for my little bro who is headed off to college soon. Not to mention me during my work day because well it is a bit stressful.

Thank you for keeping me in your prayers and Let me know if you have any special prayer requests.

Until longer days!

You're the perfect thing to say

Loving the song Everything by Michael Buble. Mainly because I cannot wait until I make some guy feel that way one day. I pray he's man enough to tell me that I mean the world to him. It also makes me want to wait even more for the one man that God has for me in my life. I love love love that song.

I went White Water Rafting today. It was AMAZING!!!!! The guys were out numbered by the girls but it was all good. We had a blast. I was the first one who got to jump out and swim. Others were pushed in before me though. The guys pushed me in twice because they knew I wanted to be in the water! haha. They were funny. WE hit some sweet rapids and got soaked. We wetn swimming and did flips off te raft. WE pulled over for some Lemonade with the other groups. I helped some wee ones grab some lemonade because they were just too cute. Then we kept going and going. It was sweet. For the last set of rapids 4 of us jumped out and swam them. I was one of the 4. It was AWESOME!!! I had never swam rapids before and I can't wait to do it again! I think most of all though we got to be examples of Christ. We had a blast.

It saddens my heart to think that I know people who are missing out on this amazing journey with Christ. Sometimes it's really hard to understand why in the world peope would just turn from the Lord after you have seen and heard of all His amazing works. My heart hurts just thinking about it. Being out here has opened my eyes to so many things. I can not wait until I get back to school and have my Bible Study girls. I have so much to tell them. I can't wait to bring Christ back to campus. Just by telling people of everything we have done, seen, and heard out here. God has been amazing these past weeks and I am sad to know i have to leave in 4 weeks. However, I know my work is not finished. There is so much that is to be accomplished. The Lord has been so faithful and well He's really just been HImself but I think for the first time I am really really seeing what it's like. I am awed, amazed, inspired, and complete. Honestly, people don't know what they are missing out on!

Then I Did

So its been a little over a week since staff left. I have been insanely busy infact, I had a stress attack on Thursday night. It was rough. Since the last time I wrote nothing really happened.

Today we went ziplining. It was pretty sweet. my group was the first group of the vsp to head out and we rocked it. I almost killed Tommy and then AShley almost finished off the job. It was funny haha. But everyone is ok!!! Last night I bought a Stetson Cowboy hat. It cost me some dollars. But I spent them nontheless. I even have my initals branded in them.

I made plans to go horseback riding today but those fell through. I'm hoping to go next Friday. I really don't like spending this money. I mean like horseback riding yeah but we are planning on going Rafting tomorrow and its like 40 for 2 rides. Im not sure its really worth the money. Im a little leary bout it.

The project video may cause me some stress. People just don't listen and so I have a feeling that Im not going to get anything done. I have already gotten the layout finished and Im working on pictures for the picture video. WE only have 4 weeks left...kinda scary.

THis week is going to be very trying for me. My family is on the big family vacation to the beach with my cousins and grandparents. I miss them a lot and i love this vacation but I can't be there. It hurts a bit but I know there is a reason for me being here. I Have been reading through Genesis and I have just discavered so much more things then I have before. It's pretty sweet. Anyways I should get going. I have a lot of work to do!

Until unstressful times

Sometimes you just want to wish harder

And just pray that reality never had to settle in.

Staff leaves tonight. Its hard on me because I feel like I was just getting to know them and some I hardly got to know at all. It's really hard. Especially because I have made some huge decisions as of late and I really really just want some awesome guidance. Not that I won't get it from these amazing people out here, just sometimes you need someone who's been there to throw it into perspective. It's rough. I know God wil do amazing things through and through. I compeletly trust HIm.

Other news...I made it to the top of 14,265Ft mountain yesterday July 4th. It was Mt. Quandry. It was the hardest thing I've ever done...seriously. Thanks to the amazing people who helped me reach it. Also, to the Lord who answered so many prayers and who I just wanted to Glorify by reaching the top. Gosh things are going to be so weird now. After the mountain we headed into Denver and saw Ratatoullie. I loved it as per usual. Well it wasn't amazing but it was a fairly good movie. Then we came back and I had trouble sleeping. It was rough. Lots of things are rough right now. But I'll get through them.

I Have committed myself to what I know I Need to do. I hope in the process I come across amazing lesson plans for BIble Study and also have some questions for ms. KQ when we get back to school. I am so excited to learn and grow with her again.

Lord, In everything I have accomplished this summer please, please know that I want to Glorify You and only You. My accomplishments are nothing without You! I am so thankful for the people You have placed in my life this summer and cannot wait to continue. I love You Lord.

He really is amazing!

Until later dayz

All this feels strange and untrue
and I won't waste a minute without You

"Do You Trust Me?"

"What?"
"Do You trust me?"

That set of quotes is from Disney's Aladdin. They are spoken right before Jasmine takes Aladdin's hand and they fly off on a magic carpet ride.

Think of that question.

"Do You Trust Me?"

How hard is it to place your trust in someone? For me, especially with guys, it is a hard subject. I have been hurt way too many times to place complete trust in guys. So why am I writing this small entry about trust?

This weekend I was stretched beyond my limits with the trust factor. God took it upon Himself to make sure that my weekend was full of challenging things to keep me occupied and to start my trust again. With the Great Adventure Race as stated previously in the entry before this....and even more so when we went caving yesterday. I had to completely trust more than one guy and a few girls as well. It was really well but I was seriously really scared.

When you are in a small cave with lots of people there's not too much to worry about. However, I was just plain freaking out and Ben was amazing in his help to me. Totally gave up running around the cave with all the other guys. He was a warrior and I am so thankful for him but it was really hard to keep trusting him on the way back. I remember one part where I just freaked out and I couldn't do it and it took my CG leader Jo to have me look at her and she said " Lauren You need to trust Ben, he's not going to steer you wrong." I was on the brink of tears and finally I gave way. I am so thankful for the Lord stretching me this weekend in this way. I have known ever since my hurt with Mr. Music that trust was always going to be an issue with me. I am glad to be able to trust guys again without expectations. It really is a great feeling. I have also learned to trust God more with the things He places in my life and the things He stretches me to do.

I am growing so much and while I didn't see it at first, I see it in full right now. I am amazed at the Everlasting God and His neverending Love for me. He has given me a beautiful opportunity here in Colorado and I know I would never want to spend my summer any other way.

I'm listening to Michael Buble right now and my new fave song of his is "Everything" I cannot wait until my husband can think of me that way. I am off to write to him of my adventures and struggles and triumphs in Christ so far this summer. I cannot wait until he reads these letters I have been writing him. Some will break his heart but others will just fill it with so much joy!

To end on a funny quote from David a project friend:
"You can't go wrong with Michael. If I had a man crush it would be on him." ~ In reference to Michael Buble.

I am not a hero, I am not angel, I am just a man

A man who's trying to love her
Unlike any other
In her eyes I am....

I cannot wait until my future husband can sing that song....and if it just so happens to be Josh Groban then that's even better! haha. No but I want to see that in my future husband. I know I will see him as a hero, an angel, and overall a man who is just trying to love me for all that I am in God's eyes as well as what he will see in me.

Today I just about died. But I also had the time of my life. We did a triathalon thingy. I didn't swim so I did 2 events. Well is was like 4. But still. I biked up this huge mountain and along the road forever. I almost didn't make it past the first biking event. However I had a great team and an awesome encourager who said, "I will make you finish! You know I'm not going to leave you until you do and even if I get annoying you will just have to deal with it." It was great. After that we hiked this mountain with loose rock and dirt, then we came to a waterfall and the ground was slippery. I just about died during that part but it was amazing. Waterfalls rock! Then we biked more and then we hiked Vail mountain which was hard and I didn't make it to the top of that mountain ( I was 30 min from it) and my group came down. It was ok thought I got so close. I had two encouragers that time and we had a lot of fun just talking and walking. I was able to finish the race with my team together and it was amazing. My hands are sunburned though haha.

Some things that God has taught me today through this: He will never leave me. He taught me to Trust people again especially guys. That prayer works ( I always knew that). THat He has all the strength I need. And so much more. I was very happy with my group and their support.

Dad Update: I talked to him today!! YAY!!! I miss him so much! He's doing well! THey had a docs appt. Yesterday in MD and everything they took out was the right stuff. Also, He doesn't have to go on Chemo because the part of cancer they found in the part they took out had not spred. He wil however, be getting check ups just incase. How faithful God is to our prayers! I am very excited to see my dad when I get home. He is not well enough to travel out here so the family will not be visiting. How sad :( I miss them all very much! I think the little bro is avoiding me cause he doesn't return my phone calls. But all is good....he'll have to call me after he gets his awesome Vail polo! Its gonna look so good on him!

I think that is all for today. Oh and I didn't get to hike that wonderful Moutain of Holy Cross....yet. CIAO!

Until hurtfree days

I've never been more homesick than now

For real guys....
Don't get me wrong cause I love it here and its beauitful and breathtaking
However I would love to see my family and to see my cherished friends.
I would love to touch the ocean and surf a few choice waves.....you know the ones that you sit out for hours waiting for. THe perfect ones that aren't really perfect.
I would love to hit an amusement park just to ride rollecoasters and see shows.
I'd like to help on the farm, play with my puppy, hang out with the DK crew, and just chill.

I know God has great plans for me here in Colorado. However, I still miss home more than I will ever be able to express in any form of words or picture or art form. There's just too much to love there.

Freedom in Forgivness

Mt. Holy Cross

So my week of fasting is over!!

Not having a computer for a whole week was challenging but really good for me. It showed me that I spend way too much time online and so I am cutting back. I am very greatful for that lesson.

Dad Update: He's good. What they took out was the right thing and its going to be a long healing process. That is ok. We are going to get through this with God's love and grace.

Vail Update: Things here are awesome. Right now I'm not feeling too hot but I had a great weekend! It was women's/men's weekend and we did different things. The boys climbed mountains or something. Us girls camped out with a bear! We ate Hobos and had smores and all that good stuff. Worshiped and such. THen we went for a hike which was soooo much fun and very beautiful. After that We ame back, showered and went out to dinner in groups with different girls. We had questions to ask and we talked alot. My group was cool and awesome! Then we came back and Beth talked and then we had girls and did girl things. THen today we went to church and then had a girls brunch at which Liz talked and every girl got a flower! It was cool.

Anyways Jo asked me to go to walmart so I'll finish later.

Things are awesome and getting better everyday!!! It's awesome. I really miss home and all but Things here aren't bad. I think we are going to Hike Holy Cross soon. I really would like to see it! It's pretty much amazing. Other than that, its horseback riding, work, and hanging with the gang.
Staff leaves in 10 days and that's sad...

Until early nights

Who Do You Think You Are Leaving Me Alone with my Guitar

Yay for listening to RENT!!! Love it!

This weekend has been fun so far. We got kicked out for 25 hours and we had to find a place to stay and stuff. I CAMPED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE!!!! It was so much fun! We made a Fire and Everythign!!! Horrary for Godly Men to build wonderful campfires. WE even roasted Mallows. In the morning the guys made us a FIRE!!!! Cause it was pretty cold. They are so sweet we didn't even ask them lol which means they prob did it for themselves. Then we went out until we could come back at 7pm. We were trying to ask people to come to church with us or just start conversations. It was cool. WE had a few conversations and got to see some cool hang outs.

Tomorrow is church and then just chill. THe guys start Fasting tomorrow and tomorrow the girls start fasting but they don't have to do food. Most of them are but I'm not sure I will. I think I will not go online and fast from junk food. That will kill me I'm sure.

Anyways My dad is doing good. Thank you for those prayers. Please pray for the project fasting this week and for mens and women's weekend next weekend. Thanks! Feel free to leave prayer requests.

I miss home and everything but its all good. God is doing amazing things out here.

Until I get less sunburn!

Take these chains away

I'm having one of those days where things just go wrong and you want to look on the good side but you can't.
H
I really wanted to do Emcee for weekly meetings here but one of my suite mates got it instead and I'm super happy for her, but I really wanted to try it out because I might do it in the spring and school. Instead I was asked to do powerpoints, which is cool and all cause I said I would...but I dunno. Much rather emcee.

There's this kid here who reminds me of someone I put in my past. Its scary and I don't like it. However, its true. I have to work with him on the powerpoints cause hes worship band leader. Its hard.

I want to be home with my family.

I want to be home with my friends.

I want Starbucks to be open later than 8pm.

I hate work. It stinks. I wake up at 4 50 to leave at 5 30 to get to work and set up and wait until 7 in which time we open the doors and I stay there until 3. I am so tired that I don't even want to do anything later.

Listen to me. Me, me , me. it's all about me. I need to change. Today is a hard day and I really want it to just be over. As strong as I know my faith is, it's just not strong enough. It needs to be stronger. Please pray for me. I could really use the prayers. I am weak and the Lord is my strength. I just need to give my burdens to him. Unfortunetly they are burdens I don't want to let go. I need to change. I want to change. I will change.

Please Pray.
In Christ.~Me~

I lift my eyes into the hills where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.

Hey guys!
VAIL UDATE!!!

Thank you for prayers and support. WE love them and need them. A few of the guys got hurt on project and we would love to see them heal in a few weeks so that they can join us on hikes and such.

Tonight I made Baked Ziti and everyone raved about it. So def a good dish to make for a pot luck dinner.

Sunday we went to church and then I took a two hour nap. I was so worn out from our Saturday fun!! Around 2pm my CG girls group met and went HIKING!!! I LOVE HIKING!! It was so much fun and I love those girls so much! We went hiking up the North Trail and man it was hard and though we didn't get to the top I was a trooper...Asthma and thin air don't mix well. I wanted to go to the top but the others were getting hungry and tired and such. I got to lead the way down though! After that we all just chilled. I like chillin too.

Tonight we met with our CGs had a potluck and did our first study. It was really good. Afterwards we played MAFIA!!!! Great game. Then some ppl left to play ultimate and a few of us stayed. We played Celebrity which is an awesome game so learn how to play!!!

Im gettin ready for bed. Work this week is going to be crazy. Hopefully I'll make some money to get me through to my first pay check!!! Living on a budget is hard...oh yeah and I have to send my Rent in soon for August.

Until Warmer weather!!!

Strength is found within

YAY from VAIL!!!

Dad Update: He's HOME!!!! This is very exciting. Things are looking good and we are just waiting for test results and full healing. Please continue to pray for my family and my dad. You can especially pray for healing and that his blood sugars don't go back up. THANKS FOR THE LOVE AND THE PRAYERS!!!

Vail Update: Things here are going great. As you can tell it has been snowing a bit. Just the mountain tops have been getting the bluk of it...we get like a dusting. It should be warming up shortly I hope. Actually today was a really nice day. Work is going good but it is very tiring. Friday we celebrated some of the boys' birthdays which were this weekend. THen we hung out in our room and played some games. Today we got up early. Half of us went to our Life Skills event and half went to help with the Family Fun Fair and to help one of the pastors move. It was a lot of fun. I was in the second half of the day for Life Skills. It was a blast! We did this scavenger hunt type thing in the mountains. When we started we got "sins" 2 ppl were mute, 2 ppl were taped together at the legs (one of which was me), two ppl had to carry a tree type thing (one had one hand duct taped to it), and one carried this huge thing of water. It was tough. We had to find clues which were scripture verses that lead us to the Word Of God which was a top a mountain! Then we looked across and found the clue for The Holy Spirit. It was amazing. THen we had to share with some "lost people" which were staff memebers. It was an awesome time! I am so worn out right now!

Tomorrow is church and then I meet with a few ppl to talk about stuff. Dunno what yet. Should be fun!
Things to pray for: That everyone in our project is heathy and strong. We have had a few accidents so pray for their health
THat we may touch the Vail Valley and spread God's Love
For our leaders, the students, and the Valley in general.

Thanks so much for the support kids!
If you have any prayer requests, send them my way!!

Until Warmer weather!
~Me~

Ive been up to my next working 5 days a week wearin holes in the soles of the shoes on my feet

Yeah....that sums up my week.
Lots of work...but I'm in VAIL!!!! It's great so far.

this is a quick update bc I have been up since 4 50 this morning.

Dad: Is doing really really well!! He will more than likely be going home this weekend. Please keep praying for him and my family. I know we are going to get through this just like we have gotten through everything else. They won't find out if the surgery worked until next week. So pray for that as well.

Me: VAIL IS GREAT! the people are awesome, I have a great job, and its beautiful. God is going to do amazing things! PLease pray for me and m friend steph. We work 8.5 hr days 5 days a week. We get up at 5 ish are at work by 6 30 and dont get out til 3. We usually dont even get back here until 4. It's crazy. I am usually very very worn out by that time. Please pray for us.

Im going to head to bed but I promise there to be more later!

Until Sunny Days!

With a little bit of Faith and Trust and maybe even Pixie Dust

UPDATE:

My dad's surgery went quite well. He is in ICU right now and is talking. That's a very good. My mom is spending a lot of time with him at the hospital. She is so great. She has so much love for my dad. I love them very much. I'll give more updates as I get them but that's really honestly all I know right now.

My first day at work went really well. It was really slow but since its a lodge in a very classy area people tip well and the pay is great. Not to mention the food! OMGOSH! The food is AMAZING! If you are ever in Vail Valley talk to me and I'll let you know where it is. I got to walk to Vail Village today and it was fun! I got to Starbucks just in time before it closed. I felt bad and of course gave them a tip. Then we all hung out and walked back. It helped get my mind of things and just relax. I'm really enjoying my time here. I love everyone who I have met and everyone is so loving here. It's awesome.

I hope all is well. Thanks for the prayers and keep praying!!! If you guys have any prayer requests please let me know!!!

Until Confused Vail Weather....

Did you Feel the mountains tremble?

HELLO FROM VAIL!!!!
I am super excited to get to report from summer project!!! Flying and arriving into Vail Valley was amazing!! The mountains are amazing and they were even Snow Covered!!! Meeting everyone was also exciting! This summer is going to be beyond belief. God is going to do amazing things this summer through us! I am so pumped!

My roommates are great! The girls in my bible study are great!! My community group is great and the whole gang is awesome!!! I love them all and its only the third day!!!

I went for my job today. I will be hostessing and making a nice sum of money to get me by this summer. I get discounts at all stuff in the Beaver Creek Village thingy so I am going to go horseback riding on a mountain trail and rock climb. I am very excited. The peolpe we are working with are nice as well!

We did a lot of interesting things the past few days. Just getting to know the Valley and the people around here. We also visited the Teva Games to share with people a bit. It was a very fun and interesting day. It was also nice to see so many people in the valley.

Also, Vail churchis great! The people there are so nice. I am very excited to work with them this summer.

I am all over the place and very excited to see what God has to do in my life and the life of those around me this summer. If you guys could pray for family and my dad, he gets surgery tomorow, and just keep all of us out here in your prayers that would be awesome!!!

I promise to write more fully and thoughtfully later when I am not so jumpy and excited!

much love,
Me.

Being Happy in today's world counts for nothing

She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause
he's the reason for the tear drops on my guitar

"I haven't been thinking about us. I needed not to give it not or else I would have given it too much thought."~Lorelai Gilmore

Today I had a fun day at the beach with my parents,aunt, unc, and cousin. It was nice to go and relax for the day especially with everything that is going on in our lives right now. However, what I got was a little more than I needed. The shore house is full of memories from a pretty amazing time i had last summer. And even though I have every reason to hate those memories because they were all pretty much fake, as much as i have the right to hate the person they were with, and I should just forget everything. But how can I forget a time when I was so happy? When waking up wasn't so hard because aside from God, I knew or thought I knew that I meant something to someone. Well down the beach I was happy as happy can be and we had a wonderful time! Star gazing, midnight walking on the beach, the game of Life, watchin the morning appear on the deck with some tea, and just hanging out. I'll admit it, I cried and almost threw up on the way home today. I mean Im not hungry or anything right now. I feel like I felt when I broke up with the kid. And maybe if I didn't break up with him we would still be together and growing in our faith and just being amazing. But then again maybe we would be miserable. I don't know why things happen, but God plans it that way. And the kid doesn't care about me any more so it doesn't really matter what I think about that (he said so himself to me). It just sucks with everything that is goin on.

My dad is sick, he gets operated on when im in vail and who knows the toll its going to take on my family. I won't be here so it will be hard on me.
Me going to Vail is hard in itself. Im going way out of my comfort zone but this is all Gods master plan for me. I'm just following the leader so to speak.

Things will get better, butfor now....my heart goes out to this kid who is super lost and even though he always said he didn't want to grow up like his dad, I see similarities between him and the things he told me about his dad. Like father, like son I guess.

until Vail!

Starry Starry Night

Paint your colors blue and grey

So being at home has been awesome. I made my first months rent on the apt at school in less than 5 days at work. I did work 5 straight days and it is tiring but its ok. I got to see a lot of great people and make some extra cash for the summer and all.

I havent really done too much besides work and yoga. It really takes a lot out of me and I have been tired. However ive pretty much done all my shopping for CO.

Im excited because this is a week where I get to see a whole bunch of my friends.

I promise to write more when I am inspired.... It will be longer... so until then...

Would I be Out of Line

If I said, I miss You?

So today I drove home from college to end my soph school year. It was quite the journey. I cried a bit. I am happy to be home, but I am so sad to leave. Because I am going across the country I will not be able to spend time with people I have grown close to over this past school year.

Yesterday was perhaps the hardest day of my life. I had to say a final goodbye to my big and the first person I ever met in Thespians. It was really upsetting. I also had to say goodbye to everyone for the summer knowing that they all still had a week with each other. I wish I could be with them right now but with my dad being sick and everything its just nice to be back home, even if I do have to sleep on the couch. I love being home and its good for me. I do miss everyone, but its good to be home.

Ohana means family. No body left behind or forgotten. I now know what that means. My thespian family is amazing. I could not ask for a better group of people to spend my college days with. Not just my thespian family, but the thespians in general make an amazing family. I know I would not be in school if it wasn't for them. We have our hard times but for the most part they are great. I just want the world to know that.

I must get back to my paper now....oh life.

Later Dayz.

These will be the times we miss

Johnny says: Why can't it stay like this?

And I sure do love these crazy summer nights. When we all get together. Days that I'll remember all my life. Yeah they seem to last forever.

Wow. I can't believe I have 2 days of classes left as a sophomore. It's real scary. I am writing this entry to procrastinate my 5 page paper thats due next tuesday. I will get it done. It's just a matter of sitting and typing it all out. I have compiled most of the information I need. However, I need a good grade on it so I'll probably be freaking out like tomorrow or something.

This week has been great! I've had very little work to do so my nights have been amazing. Monday we played all afternoon in the sunshine!!!! Ultimate Frisbee and twister with Thespians is awesome. I really do love those kids so much, they might not know it, but they mean the world to me. I have battle scars from the Ultimate game but it's ok. I went out to the look Out with some amazing kids sunday night after inductions. Good times! We are trying to get a group to go tonight or tomorrow I'm hoping tonight because it will be amazing if the clouds go away but I might just push it back to tomorrow.

The weather has been great here. Hot sunny days. Yesterday it was a hot thunderstorm. It felt so great! Not to mention that it was Amazingly Beautiful. I hope there are some in Vail that we will get to see.

Which reminds me, I have to look for a job in Vail. The ranch hasn't gotten back to me yet so I guess I'll try to work at like Home Depot or something of the sort. Oh and be sure to look out for Vail Updates because I will be doing it as often as I can.

Until Summer!